AT15 Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 I find myself in a new awareness after the break up. It's been months or so of no contact. I've moved on, BUT, I feel I have a lot of healing I must do. My past relationship was very onesides, emotionally exhausting and mentally and spiritually abusive. He did and said so many awful things to me that I willingly endured hoping to get him to love me. I am aware of the damage that it caused. Anyhow, I feel it's getting in the way of me seeing men as individuals. I am also concerned that I may attract yet another abuser/abandoner. How have you dealt with the healing process? I feel like I got over the hill of not longing for my abuser, but now I think the emotional damage seems like a mountain to climb and reach the other side. I would love anyone's feedback. 6
sweetgirl75 Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 First of all you were able to leave an abusive relationship and that is a plus. I have been in more than one abusive relationship both physical and verbal. I have had my parents lives threatened if I were to leave him. I was punched in the face when I was asleep. You will learn to love yourself first before you can love a man. You need to learn to respect yourself or you will attract these low life guys to you. I have done this so many times and I am still learning to respect myself and love myself. I am still trying to be self confident and tell myself I am pretty and I am good enough. After being told that over and over that you are no good and ugly and no one wants you you believe it. Healing takes time. It is a process. One step at a time. Don't give up. Don't look back. 2
Maldives Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 I find myself in a new awareness after the break up. It's been months or so of no contact. I've moved on, BUT, I feel I have a lot of healing I must do. My past relationship was very onesides, emotionally exhausting and mentally and spiritually abusive. He did and said so many awful things to me that I willingly endured hoping to get him to love me. I am aware of the damage that it caused. Anyhow, I feel it's getting in the way of me seeing men as individuals. I am also concerned that I may attract yet another abuser/abandoner. How have you dealt with the healing process? I feel like I got over the hill of not longing for my abuser, but now I think the emotional damage seems like a mountain to climb and reach the other side. I would love anyone's feedback. I think this is a very important point u have brung up. Healing is one thing untangling the damage that was done is another. I think that it's not just about healing u also have to identify why u r attracting certain people and making those choices and I think this can be done wth a proper therapist. I read lots of stories on here about how people have not been in a relationship for yrs totally healed but then get involved wth someone who is unavailable or doesn't treat them well. I believe it's to do wth not knowing or having an awareness that we are carrying past baggage. For example I had trust issues because of an ex that cheated and brang that into the last relationship and also attracted someone who had fidelity issues. I missed the red flags or knew there was something not right but brushed it aside. I think thats wat baggage does from past relationship. Awariness is wat u need. Also a good therapist to unravel this. I think once we are of healthy mind we are much better versed in detecting wen somethings off wth the other person and make better choices. It's all about freeing the past being of healthy mind but not being naive either. We not only need to heal but work on ourselves wth a professional to let the past go and be more present but again not naive to people's shortcomings 2
Arieswoman Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 AT15, I think therapy will help, it certainly helped me, as did assertiveness training. Good luck x 1
xpaperxcutx Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) You see a therapist and also work on your self-esteem and self-worth. I was in a very abusive relationship 3 years ago, it was both physically and mentally damaging. The only way to move on is to work through your issues of why you accept these people in your lives. Working with a therapist will help you build boundaries so that you become more self-aware and you will be able to see signs of abuse and not let it get too far. Edited July 1, 2017 by xpaperxcutx 3
vickyp Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I tell myself every day that I'm one of a kind, and that I have no time for people who can't see that. Good luck in your journey
Altair0770 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I saw a therapist and that helped me greatly. I was in the same boat, and trust me it wasn't fun. I got a massage and, despite it feeling good, felt very nervous because of someone touching me while I was practically naked. My ex was molested as a child, so even just having a massage trigger me was terrifying, and I never thought I'd be able to have sex again without freaking out. Therapy helps get rid of that post traumatic stress we sometimes deal with after a breakup. No, I'm not saying we all get PTSD, as that's VERY different, but we do get some of the symptoms after a breakup, especially with an abusive partner. I'm a 6'4 man that's 4 years older than my ex, who was like 4'10. She was emotionally abusive constantly to me. It made me terrified of finding someone. She's a narcissist, so she did the typical love bombing and then instant switch to being the worst person I've ever met. How do I know my current fling won't do the same thing? I don't know, and that scares me. Luckily she's okay with taking things slow. But overtime, "triggers" weren't triggers anymore. Therapy and realizing that everyone is their own unique individual helps.
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