the_lost_1 Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 So I met her on okc and i haven't been able to meet her yet and she's going away on a trip and is coming back in 2 weeks. So we're texting and all that but the thing is I don't want to make her lose interest or anything before meeting up so she's going away to her family for 2 weeks hopefully I'll see her soon. Any advice? Thanks. I already said a bit too much about myself but no big deal I think. Thanks
angel.eyes Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Until you actually meet in person...and things go well on that date, you don't have a potential GF. You should keep looking for and meeting other women. For starters, it's impossible to decipher whether you will actually like the person (and she you) until you actually meet. If you're using a dating site, most people don't like each other when they finally meet--lack of chemistry, etc. Have you actually spoken with her (phone call or Skype)? Or have you just messaged and texted each other? 5
kendahke Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 So I met her on okc and i haven't been able to meet her yet and she's going away on a trip and is coming back in 2 weeks. So we're texting and all that but the thing is I don't want to make her lose interest or anything before meeting up so she's going away to her family for 2 weeks hopefully I'll see her soon. Any advice? Thanks. I already said a bit too much about myself but no big deal I think. Thanks Catfish!!! Scammer!!! More than likely, it's not a woman--it's a man sitting in an internet cafe overseas who is scamming you. Stop dealing with her until you see her in person, face to face. Do not accept Skype, either--that can be faked. (the best test is to tell them there's a spider on their shoulder--if they don't jump up and do the freak out dance right on the spot, it's a scammer using a video loop of someone on their computer that they stole) Insist upon meeting or else block her. It's a scammer and this is their main ploy in grooming you before they start hitting you up for money. And for all things holy and good, never send them any pictures of you that you wouldn't want your boss or your family to see because they are setting you up for extortion.
smackie9 Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 Lost 1 the key is to play it kool, and be less available to attract. Got to find something else to do like going out and having a life. If she gets a whiff of you wanting to chat with her all the time, she WILL lose interest. Let her enjoy her trip with her family....she isn't going to have time having daily convos with you. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 There isn't any interest to lose. You have not met yet. Yes the potential is there but this is a situation where less is more. Play it cool & do not bombard this person. If she initiates, fine but don't you. You get 2 messages while she's away, maybe 3. Right before she leaves wish her safe travels & tell her to have a good time. Mid-way through say you hope she's having fun & you are looking forward to hearing all about it when she returns. The day before she is to return send a message with the specifics of a date no earlier then 48 hours (2 days) after she gets back. Something like now that you're back, I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee at [insert place] on Tuesday. Does 8 p.m. work for you? At this point you are a stranger. Don't be a pest 1
Maggie4 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Why can't you meet before she leaves for her trip? I don't understand why not. 1
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Agreed. Not to be negative, but there is a good chance that she will flake or she will meet you and/or either one of you will decide that it isn't what you want it to be. I do hope it works out for you, but try not to get your hopes up. That way you won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. Remember, at this point you are virtual strangers and there is a long way to go before you can call her your girlfriend...
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Why can't you meet before she leaves for her trip? I don't understand why not. I wanted to, but she says she has to pack and stuff so idk. Didn't want to force it, anyway. 1
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Until you actually meet in person...and things go well on that date, you don't have a potential GF. You should keep looking for and meeting other women. For starters, it's impossible to decipher whether you will actually like the person (and she you) until you actually meet. If you're using a dating site, most people don't like each other when they finally meet--lack of chemistry, etc. Have you actually spoken with her (phone call or Skype)? Or have you just messaged and texted each other? Yes we did a video chat (in bed) and I think we like each other already, she's chill
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Until you actually meet in person...and things go well on that date, you don't have a potential GF. You should keep looking for and meeting other women. For starters, it's impossible to decipher whether you will actually like the person (and she you) until you actually meet. If you're using a dating site, most people don't like each other when they finally meet--lack of chemistry, etc. Have you actually spoken with her (phone call or Skype)? Or have you just messaged and texted each other? You're also right about that, at one time I kept chatting with girl on okc and we finally met in person and there was no spark or interest. Hopefully it won't be the case this time, which I'm sure it won't be.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 You're also right about that, at one time I kept chatting with girl on okc and we finally met in person and there was no spark or interest. Hopefully it won't be the case this time, which I'm sure it won't be. Why do you think it won't be the case this time?
Blanco Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I think part of why you feel such devastation when a new potential romantic interest doesn't pan out is because you go from 0 to 100 in about six seconds, getting far too attached far too quickly. Sllllloooow down. 3
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) I think part of why you feel such devastation when a new potential romantic interest doesn't pan out is because you go from 0 to 100 in about six seconds, getting far too attached far too quickly. Sllllloooow down. Lol yeah the other girl that I liked unfriended me from facebook, I was touching her a lot when we were hanging out/playing at beach volleyball but hey oh well I was trying to show affection Edited July 1, 2017 by the_lost_1
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Lol yeah the other girl that I liked unfriended me from facebook, I was touching her a lot when we were hanging out/playing at beach volleyball but hey oh well I was trying to show affection Did she want you to "show affection?" You have to get to know her and chose the right moment to show affection - otherwise, it's just unwanted attention and you get unfriended on Facebook.
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Absolutely agree! Elsewhere you mention that you're 29 and have never had an actual date. One thing I would work on would be learning to read social cues, and other people's body language as you interact with them. My guess is you read somewhere that you need to touch someone to show you're interested. First, that's not true. There are lots of other ways to show you're romantically interested in someone (e.g. banter, flirting). These can be way more effective than some guy you just met pawing at you. Second, you need to be able to read whether the person welcomes what you are doing, and stop if he or she doesn't. It's not just about you and what you want. It's also about the other person in the interaction. It sounds like you persisted anyway despite signals that she didn't like what you were doing...so she unfriended you. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 She didn't want to meet before going away because she has a LIFE. Right before vacation is always hectic. there's no need to cram more To Do's or a social obligation into an already cracked schedule for somebody you "met" over the internet. I think the fact that she's not rushing this shows she has reasonable boundaries & her priorities are in order. The relationship has to work for both people & it has to fit into both of their lives. For the next few weeks, it doesn't fit in her life. It's a temporary situation until after the vacation but this need for instant gratification -- if we don't meet 5 minutes after seeing each other's photos on line it's all for naught -- is ridiculous. If you want that go on Tinder. Hook up & be done. the lost 1 -- seriously be chill yourself. The fact that she video chatted with you from bed is a comfort choice. Do not take it as a sexual overture (unless she said she wished you were there having sex with her). Personally I think it shows poor boundaries on her part because oh gee, the guy she was chatting with (you) read more into it. Dial it back on that score. Touch is important but again subtlety is required. You can't be all over a new person like some out of control octopus or blood sucking leech. When you meet at least shake hands or hug (her call). When you leave the first meet if it went well another hug or a peck on the cheek. Keep all other PDA to a minimum. Send the 3 texts I suggested or fewer but not more unless she initiates. Even then, hang back. Meanwhile keep your options open. Hope for the best but do expect that she may flake while away.
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Thanks for the good replies. She just arrived in another city and am still talking to her. Also about that another woman -- you're right guys, well I guess it's better knowing I went down as Alpha and took risks like a man. It is what it is though I suppose. Thanks guys.
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Absolutely agree! Elsewhere you mention that you're 29 and have never had an actual date. One thing I would work on would be learning to read social cues, and other people's body language as you interact with them. My guess is you read somewhere that you need to touch someone to show you're interested. First, that's not true. There are lots of other ways to show you're romantically interested in someone (e.g. banter, flirting). These can be way more effective than some guy you just met pawing at you. Second, you need to be able to read whether the person welcomes what you are doing, and stop if he or she doesn't. It's not just about you and what you want. It's also about the other person in the interaction. It sounds like you persisted anyway despite signals that she didn't like what you were doing...so she unfriended you. Haha about the social cues....I remember I met this girl while solo traveling, her English was not so good, she was visiting from south korea and we were travel buddies for a bit for a while and then when she said "nice to meet you" after exchanging the phone numbers and I still proceeded to follow her I thought we were still hanging. Oh man....I embarrassed myself a bit there.
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Also about that another woman -- you're right guys, well I guess it's better knowing I went down as Alpha and took risks like a man. It is what it is though I suppose. From a woman's perspective, it's not. There is a time to be confident and take the lead as a man, and then there is pushy and unwanted physical attention... The key is to know the difference. When in doubt, check in and see if she is comfortable with things. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Make sure that she is interested in your attention or you will be seen as the creepy, pushy guy who didn't know when to stop... 1
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Thanks for the good replies. She just arrived in another city and am still talking to her. Also about that another woman -- you're right guys, well I guess it's better knowing I went down as Alpha and took risks like a man. It is what it is though I suppose. Thanks guys. I'm glad you're still talking to the current woman. Please give her some room to breath and allow her to enjoy her vacation, though. As far as the previous woman, with all due respect, nothing about pawing a practical stranger who isn't interested is alpha. At best it says clueless and socially awkward. Generally, it comes across as creepy and repulsive. These aren't things that make you attractive. Quite the opposite. People aren't recipes. Adding XYZ won't always result in ABC. I would strongly encourage you to learn to read body language and social cues so that you have more successful interactions, particularly as you're trying to date. 3
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 Okay well here's the update, I think i ruined it. She says she doesn't want a relationship with anyone now and basically wants to be friends. Just great.
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 26, 2017 Author Posted July 26, 2017 i feel like i got catfished and she played with my emotions
kendahke Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 i feel like i got catfished and she played with my emotions She messed with your imagination. You put your emotions into that mix. She had all the signs of a catfish scammer from the start. She ascertained that you didn't have money, so she was done dealing with you.
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