Why is it always the other woman's fault?

[Knix]

My point was NOT that I bear no responsibility. In fact I made it clear that I do. And I have discussed in many of my posts about the guilt and shame I have felt from what I did. As well as the consequences that came out of the mostly emotional affair. He didn't have any but I sure did. And I accept them bc I know what I did was wrong.

 

I was refuting the post I quoted which seemed to insinuate that the blame rests mostly on the OW. It's an antiquated view that belongs in the 1950s. The old if only the women kept their legs closed view. In fact, these men often approach us, woo us, harass us, and sometimes -- if they're lucky -- find someone like me who is at a vulnerable point and susceptible to their flattery.

 

My point is that if you're married to a man who cheats, fine, hate the other woman. I would too. I hated myself for a good long time. But good god, the real problem you have is with your husband. I didn't tackle xMM to the ground and.force him to say and do these things. He started it, he followed.through with it, and had every intention of continuing it for a long while until I put an end to it due to my guilt and shame.

 

You may call me weak, but of the two parties involved in that affair, I was the only one with balls enough to realize what we were.doing was wrong and end it. Those MM you seem to think we tempt and trick with our sneaky OW ways are more than willing to stay on the gravy train.

 

If you read my OP you would see that I was NOT saying the OW is to blame.

 

But from what you wrote, you're saying he "wore you down until you gave in", not my quote but yours. Don't victimize yourself in all of this. I'm very aware that cheaters will say what they need to say and go to extremes to convince someone that their partner is no good. But you can think critically about this. Unless you had no idea he was married, you had no business cheating and I think you still feel a lot of guilt about that based on your emotional response and projections.

 

We all make mistakes, but just like you didn't force him to cheat, he didn't force you to be the other woman. Just a fact.

[SammySammy]

We are all responsible for our behavior.

 

It's easy to place blame. On the other woman/man or on the betraying spouse. It's much harder to accept responsibility. Because any and all of the parties could be responsible in some way. Including the betrayed spouse.

 

We often hear of men and women withholding sex from their spouses. Creating toxic environments in the home. While they may not be responsible for the act of infidelity, they are responsible for creating an environment that increased the likelihood of it happening.

 

You'll rarely meet a person who will admit they drove their spouse into the arms of another person. It's so much easier to point the finger and place blame.

 

I know there are some betrayed spouses that are totally innocent. I suspect most are innocent. In some cases though, there's enough blame and responsibility to pass around to everyone.

 

Blaming others is wasted emotion. I'd rather focus on what responsibility I have. Even if that is just to remove myself from a toxic situation.

[Knix]

As the thread starter is decidedly not posting about being involved with a committed partner, my apologies for not catching this violation of our location guidelines sooner and I'll get this moved to the appropriate forum of discussion.

 

What we won't have is taking a general topic of discussion as an opportunity to drill other members on their personal present/past relationships. Of course members are welcomed to start threads on their relationships in the appropriate forum of discussion.

 

Thoughts and opinions on why it is always the other woman's (or man's) fault or not are welcomed. Thanks!

 

**

I've posted my own experience with men that have wanted to cheat and my thoughts. If people decide to bring their own experience into this that is their own decision.

[Knix]

As the thread starter is decidedly not posting about being involved with a committed partner, my apologies for not catching this violation of our location guidelines sooner and I'll get this moved to the appropriate forum of discussion.

 

What we won't have is taking a general topic of discussion as an opportunity to drill other members on their personal present/past relationships. Of course members are welcomed to start threads on their relationships in the appropriate forum of discussion.

 

Thoughts and opinions on why it is always the other woman's (or man's) fault or not are welcomed. Thanks!

 

** I also need to add that there needs to be a freedom of communication on a forum. Making people feel like that can't speak freely and will be policed by moderators for a topic they are curious about creates a fear of being able to express thoughts, ideas and opinions. What is the point of this if people can't openly communicate? If someone doesn't like a topic they certainly don't need to read or comment on it.

 

My thread is about what people's thoughts are, based on MY experiences that I have listed in this thread. If people bring up their own experiences, it is to back up their thoughts on the situation.

 

This is not a forum if people can't say what they feel freely.

[William]

I'll leave this member's comments, more appropriately and per policy to be shared privately, and will remind folks this is a private web forum and thus subject to the policies set forth by the owner. We accept that some people will not like this. That's OK. It's a big internet out there. Plenty of room for everyone.