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Do women believe being told to smile is...?

TheAntiHero

By TheAntiHero
in General Relationship Discussion

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Why would someone tell someone else how to feel? Why do men tell women to smile unless they are taking their picture?

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I don't know if it's harrassment, but it's rude.

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Dude here. It wouldn't meet the legal standard to constitute sexual harassment, but why in the hell would a guy tell a woman he doesn't know to smile?

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avvril3000 Established Member

avvril3000

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omg, i get this ALL THE TIME AND I ****ING HAAAAATE HATE HATE IT. I was kill the man. No man should tell me what to do, how to act, how to be. My life, my body, me me me me NOT HIS - HE DOES NOT OWN ME. Its harrassment.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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It is an instruction. No-one likes being ordered about, especially when it's about how one feels.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I'd actually love to hear from a man who does this and have him explain why.

mercy Established Member

mercy

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I don't look at it as being "told" to do something. I think it comes from a genuine place when men have said it to me.

 

It also makes me think hmm I must have had my resting bi**h face on. ;)

 

Is winking offensive, sorry.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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It's rude and condescending. First, don't tell me what to do. Second, if I wanted to smile at you, I already would have.

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I don't look at it as being "told" to do something. I think it comes from a genuine place when men have said it to me.

 

It also makes me think hmm I must have had my resting bi**h face on. ;)

 

Is winking offensive, sorry.

 

 

I think that if I was interested in making you smile, and I didn't know you, I'd catch your eye and smile at you.

 

 

I assume everyone is as contrary as me. If I don't know you and you tell me to smile, I'm likely to do something obnoxious.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I remember being told to smile by a charity collector when I was walking down the street. He received only a glare from me.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I dont feel often when anyone says to smile male or female,that its meant to insult or degrade or harass,its an awkward thing to say and to hear thats about it.....when someone tells me to smile i just do.......and its over ..i dont get outraged or upset.....ill roll my eyes.....i know its not coming from a bad place...there are definitely more things that could be said that a way more upsetting than that..being asked to smile...is not on my radar ..i just smile...its over...i go on with my day scowling........deb.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I think it comes from a genuine place when men have said it to me.

 

I'd say it comes from that genuinely patronising place.

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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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I'd actually love to hear from a man who does this and have him explain why.

 

It must be narcissism. The guy who says this wants to control the world around him. You are not smiling at him - and he is wonderful - so there must be something wrong with you. Forcing you to smile makes him feel better.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I dont feel often when anyone says to smile male or female

 

Deb, you say male or female. Has a woman you don't know and haven't interacted with ever told you to smile?

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Deb, you say male or female. Has a woman you don't know and haven't interacted with ever told you to smile?

 

 

female yes...they did know me though.deb

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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There have actually been a couple of threads written on here by guys about telling women to smile. Maybe it is a PUA tactic? Perhaps the idea that they were thinking is that it is both a "neg" and a compliance test all rolled into one.

 

It's not quite harassment but it is rude. It wouldn't get a woman to respond positively to you so I have no idea why you would do it. I think most people of either gender would hate it. I am a guy and I know I wouldn't like it.

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anna121 Established Member

anna121

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No not harassment. It's pretty annoying though, and unless the person is exceptionally charming I'm unlikely to comply.

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mercy Established Member

mercy

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I'd say it comes from that genuinely patronising place.

 

 

Most men have been much older so no I think it was ok.

 

But no don't touch me no matter the age. May get your fingers broke.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Why don't men tell other men to smile? Why do they only tell us women to smile?

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RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Oh its soo annoying. I don't understand why some men think its a good idea to say this (and yes, I have never had a female that I didn't know say this, only men).

 

Do they think I would appreciate it? Think positive of them for saying it? Its condesending and obnoxious.

 

I take it as "hey, your a woman, you are suppose to be light, and pleasant, and "nice" to be around, so smile for me, because thats your job, to look cute and smile"

 

I remember I was sitting in traffic once, had my window down - I was driving my car that had something wrong with it, hoping to limp it to the shop.

 

Guy in the opposite lane, rolled down his window and said "hey honey, why don't you smile?"

 

GRRRR!! Umm maybe because I have a scowl trying to listen if this F'er is going to misfire again? Maybe I have things on my mind and don't need to be smiling like a god damn idiot to brighten your day?

 

And I am someone who more often hears "you are always smiling!" But on the occasions I am not, some prick has decided to tell me I should.

 

Heres a good meme on the subject:

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/11225442_10155074665417837_2236977066245624181_n.jpg?oh=78837ad8c75a5f7e7d941b4b6563e985&oe=5A08FF31

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i think what is worse to be told by a man is to "stop crying...cant be that bad......cheer up"

 

when im crying....its been hell...inside and out..deb

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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Why don't men tell other men to smile? Why do they only tell us women to smile?

 

That's a really good question. I have had women tell me to smile and men tell me to smile, but I have never heard a man tell another man to smile.

 

What's up with that? Yes, it's condescending. :)

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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female yes...they did know me though.deb

 

Ah yes - it's very different scenario if it's a friend.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Oh its soo annoying. I don't understand why some men think its a good idea to say this (and yes, I have never had a female that I didn't know say this, only men).

 

Do they think I would appreciate it? Think positive of them for saying it? Its condesending and obnoxious.

 

I take it as "hey, your a woman, you are suppose to be light, and pleasant, and "nice" to be around, so smile for me, because thats your job, to look cute and smile"

 

I remember I was sitting in traffic once, had my window down - I was driving my car that had something wrong with it, hoping to limp it to the shop.

 

Guy in the opposite lane, rolled down his window and said "hey honey, why don't you smile?"

 

GRRRR!! Umm maybe because I have a scowl trying to listen if this F'er is going to misfire again? Maybe I have things on my mind and don't need to be smiling like a god damn idiot to brighten your day?

 

And I am someone who more often hears "you are always smiling!" But on the occasions I am not, some prick has decided to tell me I should.

 

Heres a good meme on the subject:

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/11225442_10155074665417837_2236977066245624181_n.jpg?oh=78837ad8c75a5f7e7d941b4b6563e985&oe=5A08FF31

 

This is why it pisses me off so much! If someone said that to me today, I'd say, "Ya know what? My daughter's horse is gravely ill, my friend just posted a pic on Facebook of shaving off all of her hair because of chemo, another just had melanoma surgery this week, and another close friend just lost someone this morning due to a freak surgery complication. I have some serious things on my mind and don't give a **** if you need to see me smile."

 

It just drives me so mad because you have no clue what is on someone's mind, what they are going through (everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about, as they say), and a stranger owes you nothing. I take it as, "Hey, you look like you might be attractive....smile so I can tell for sure." Is it any better (yes, less crass) then saying, "Hey, you look like you might be attractive....lift up your skirt and let me see your pussy so I can tell for sure??" It's just RUDE.

  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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