azaleas Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 I feel so stupid about this. My long-term boyfriend and I broke up a few years ago (he cheated on me and really hurt me emotionally, which did a number on my self-esteem), and my dating life since then has been so bland. I haven't really liked any of the guys I have met up with on dating sites, never got *that feeling* you get when you really like somebody, you know? Until now. And he's freaking gay. (If it's not obvious already, I'm straight and female). I haven't really ever had a guy just as a friend before until him. He's great. He's absolutely hilarious, extremely nice, and really cute. I always look forward to hanging out with him because I know it'll be a great time. He didn't realize he was gay until college. He had girlfriends in high school and college and has slept with girls before. So there's this tiny bit of me that holds out hope that maybe he'll realize he's into me like I'm into him. I know it's ridiculous though. He has a lot of female friends and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only straight girl with a crush on him. But I'm starting to think I'm just not meant to find happiness/love (I know this sounds dramatic). I go a few years without ever really liking ANYBODY, and now that I do, he's gay. I guess I need on advice on how to get over this.
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) Stop hanging out with him so much. I'm not trying to be funny or rude but do you realize he likes mens penises in his mouth and you know where. I think that should paint a good picture of you don't want to go there. Edited June 29, 2017 by smackie9
preraph Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 He probably wouldn't have told you he's gay if he thought he might want to sleep with you. He'd have said he's bi or not said at all. Just get used to enjoying him as a friend and lose any hope for anything else. You might meet someone great through him.
Author azaleas Posted June 29, 2017 Author Posted June 29, 2017 He actually works with me, so it'd be pretty difficult to stop hanging out with him. We are also part of the same group of friends and often go out together. This group of friends and I are all pretty open with each other about everything, and I mentioned once that some guy at the gym had asked me out, and I swear he almost seemed to be jealous. He seemed disappointed when I brought it up, and kept saying he didn't think I should go, without providing any reason as to why. (The gym guy wasn't my type anyway). I think he also likes innocently flirting with his female friends. But then he'll tell me about his experiences dating guys, and I'm brought back down to earth.
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 I know his type....he likes to be the center of attention and he uses flirting to pull you in to keep you bedazzled. He's jealous because he's possessive of that attention, not because he want to have sex with you.
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 If you have to interact with him for work, you need better self talk. Every time you see him remind yourself that he's not playing for your team. If you can't flirt just for the joy of flirting, put some distance in the non-work aspects of your interactions. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 This is no accident...it's possibly a way you subconsciously can enjoy romantic feelings without any possibility of getting hurt. It's just another form of an emotionally unavailable guy that you've become attached to because you are afraid of getting hurt again...but you enjoy those feelings. This creates the perfect longing and you can dream, desire, and long for something you know can never happen, therefore can never really hurt you. Most of this occurs on an unconscious level... 2
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