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Dating and socioeconomic class

Ruby Slippers

By Ruby Slippers
in Dating

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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I can't afford to get my teeth fixed. My insurance doesn't cover cosmetic work. They're perfectly healthy but not perfectly straight.

 

I've come to accept the cosmetic imperfections. But I know these things matter more in high society, and I would be a reflection on his public image.

 

He's already very gently suggested he'll make sure I have the best dental care.

 

I'm not sure if many women want to be with a high maintenance guy like him.

Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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Get your teeth fixed. Check the dress code for any events & learn about which fork to use (generally you work from the outside in) but other than that just be yourself.

 

 

He dates you because he likes you. Don't change. He has choices & he picked you.

 

I would say pretty much the same. Whether or not your teeth should be fixed is something to decide regardless of your dates and you seem fine so far.

Know your silverware

Dress appropriately for the occasion

* Know when it is ok to swear* It's done but timing is everything

 

Again, d0nnivain nailed it. Be yourself, foremost and always Ruby!

 

Edit= Just saw that teeth are out for the time being. Obviously your teeth are more fine than you think.

Edited by Timshel
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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I say just continue to be yourself and everything will be fine. He is not stupid and knows what he's doing and who he likes.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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He's already very gently suggested he'll make sure I have the best dental care.

 

I don't like that. Not one bit.

 

You just started dating him. On June 24th you had a thread and didn't mention him so you've met this man in the past 5 days and already he suggests he can fix your teeth??

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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I don't like that. Not one bit.

 

You just started dating him. On June 24th you had a thread and didn't mention him so you've met this man in the past 5 days and already he suggests he can fix your teeth??

 

I think it was the same guy in the June 24th thread.

LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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But I'm kind of scared and insecure about stepping into his high society world. Any suggestions for navigating this? I like him and it seems very clear he likes me. I'd hate to mess up a good thing.

 

Best thing you can do is to live by the golden rule in all things, large and small. Grace will set you in fine standing wherever you go no matter how much money and influence you do or don't have.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I think it was the same guy in the June 24th thread.

 

On June 24th she said she had recently met him. Whether they have been dating 5 days or 10 days I find extremely bad taste his suggestion he can fix her teeth. I would find that offensive at this point in dating.

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mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

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I just started dating this man.

 

You are jumping the gun. He could very well be saying what you want to hear to get whatever he wants.

Take your time.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I find extremely bad taste his suggestion he can fix her teeth. I would find that offensive at this point in dating.

 

 

Oh gee. I missed that. I didn't realize HE said something about her teeth. I thought it was just her being concerned. Otherwise I wouldn't have said something. I though it was something that made the OP feel insecure. I know I lost a tooth & was very self conscious.

 

 

For him to mention it is rude.

 

 

OP especially if your teeth are healthy, just because they are crooked, don't worry about it. If you had missing discolored teeth that would be one thing but crooked. . . not a bog deal.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Ruby: I read your last thread and I am starting to not like this guy.

 

He divorced his ex 4 years ago but because she died a few months ago he considers himself a widow?? and maybe scared to go out there and date again after her death? huh?

 

He is playing the sympathy card all the way!!

 

How did the teeth conversation came about? I am smelling negging!

 

Also why did he feel the need to expose all of his wealth in a short 2 weeks dating? This is something I'd confine about maybe at 6 months to a year, not 2 weeks.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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Ruby Slippers,

He told you that you needed to fix your teeth? WTF? :eek:

 

Next thing he'll be telling you that you need a boob job, botox and goodness knows what else. I don't like the sound of this at all. It sounds like he's one of these guys that thinks money can buy anything.

 

I wouldn't stick around unless you want to be a "Stepford Wife"

 

I'd tell him to get his face fixed and dump him. :D

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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IMO, it's dating. Enjoy the social aspects and any intimacy which does or does not develop and accept the results.

 

Remember, rich and powerful folks are human, have joys and sorrows and take a dump just like the rest of us. As a wise friend once told me, dealing with it as one, the numbers are just different. Power is the freedom to be who one really is. Each of us are different.

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Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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Haha, yep. But do remember the proper fork and to wear wellies/heels when necessary.

 

Ruby Slippers will need to give more information regarding the context of her teeth.

If he was/is attracted the way you are then who you are is fine.

Edited by Timshel
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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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He didn't say I need to get my teeth fixed. He's only said sweet things about my appearance. He suggested good dental coverage is very important. But I have always wanted to get invisible braces, just don't have the extra $5,000 or so to spend on a cosmetic device. Something I've been bumping up against for years is the disparity between my material/cosmetic presentation compared to that of the well-heeled people who hire me to advise them. I've managed ok as is, but I would feel much better advising/presenting to much broader audiences if I weren't deep down slightly self-conscious about my imperfect smile.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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He didn't say I need to get my teeth fixed. He's only said sweet things about my appearance. He suggested good dental coverage is very important. But I have always wanted to get invisible braces, just don't have the extra $5,000 or so to spend on a cosmetic device.

 

 

He brought up the teeth first? You were having a normal conversation and he said : you know good dental coverage is very important?

 

Then how did he end up offering you to pay for that dental work?

 

How does a guy you've dated for a couple of weeks ends up saying this: He's already very gently suggested he'll make sure I have the best dental care.

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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He didn't say I need to get my teeth fixed. He's only said sweet things about my appearance. He suggested good dental coverage is very important. But I have always wanted to get invisible braces, just don't have the extra $5,000 or so to spend on a cosmetic device. Something I've been bumping up against for years is the disparity between my material/cosmetic presentation compared to that of the well-heeled people who hire me to advise them. I've managed ok as is, but I would feel much better advising/presenting to much broader audiences if I weren't deep down slightly self-conscious about my imperfect smile.

 

 

IMO, it seems like you are uncomfortable in this situation...

 

Its no way to feel, I don't care how much of a Prince you think he is..The way I see it, you will constantly feel like you don't fit...I mean, what if you go to a function and find it full of women with perfect looks and perfect surgically enhanced bodies??...And those women look at you and think you are the hired help or something, because you aren't like them....

 

Do you feel good about the prospects of that??

 

If you think you would fit in fine, then I don't see the issue...But at the end of the day, you need to feel comfortable...You barely know him and you are already picking yourself apart and questioning things...

 

TFY

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

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TFY brings up a good point, being or feeling uncomfortable. OP, have you dated or been in relationships with wealthy and/or powerful men in the past? If so, how did that go? If well, with no discomfort, that could indicate a poor fit here and your gut talking to you. If you always have felt uncomfortable, then perhaps it's a irreconcilable style difference and just don't date those kinds of men.

Timshel Established Member

Timshel

Posted
Posted
He didn't say I need to get my teeth fixed. He's only said sweet things about my appearance. He suggested good dental coverage is very important. But I have always wanted to get invisible braces, just don't have the extra $5,000 or so to spend on a cosmetic device. Something I've been bumping up against for years is the disparity between my material/cosmetic presentation compared to that of the well-heeled people who hire me to advise them. I've managed ok as is, but I would feel much better advising/presenting to much broader audiences if I weren't deep down slightly self-conscious about my imperfect smile.

 

Ok. He's attracted to you and it's you who are self conscious and probably projecting a bit. This can get in the way of any relationship.

 

Mostly because your smile is probably one of the most beautiful things when he or any dude looks at you.

 

Going to counseling over your teeth for such a smart, vibrant woman seems too much.

 

So then remember that any other person is always a human being. Having money or not is a difference but insignificant when it comes to people we really like or cherish.

 

Money does not give a connection between anyone. It really doesn't. I have very wealthy friends (some are in politics) and friends who are perfectly fine with not being wealthy. We all hang out together. It's not a big deal and the people who care more about a bank account are quickly shunned.

 

Financial wealth is not an easy topic, as religion, race and politics. I can honestly say that true friends and lovers are the people who accept all of you and vice/versa. That is across the board of humanity.

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Yes, he's complimented my smile more than anything, hasn't said anything critical about my appearance.

 

I'm sure I'm projecting because of my own insecurities. Because of that, I'm focusing more on our differences. He keeps saying we're complementary.

 

When I hinted I'm feeling a little unsure, he asked what he can do to alleviate the feelings. He hasn't done anything wrong. I'm just a little intimidated.

 

carhill, I have dated powerful men before. I'll comment on that more when I'm not typing on my phone.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Ruby:

 

I am very good at what I do in life because I don't quit till I get satisfaction so here it is again:

 

How does a guy you've dated for a couple of weeks ends up saying this: He's already very gently suggested he'll make sure I have the best dental care.

 

Thank you :-)

Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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I have very wealthy friends (some are in politics) and friends who are perfectly fine with not being wealthy. We all hang out together. It's not a big deal and the people who care more about a bank account are quickly shunned.

 

I want to call myself out on how profoundly dumb I worded this. I really don't do very well with conveying my thoughts in a written forum.

 

Simply put, I have friends who are well off and some that aren't and nobody gives a crap except for being a decent human being.

That's what I meant.

  • Like 3
knabe Established Member

knabe

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I can understand you tooth insecurity. Mine are straight, but due to a not very motivated to keep good jobs ex and always putting the kids first (which is how it should be), I have somewhat neglected my own. They are not as white as they should be, and I have some visible plaque on the bottom. I am careful about how I smile.

 

BUT my fiance loves it. He loves it when I forget how I'm smiling and just SMILE.

 

Someone who is put off from a personal relationship with something you were basically born with isn't much of a match anyway.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
He didn't say I need to get my teeth fixed. He's only said sweet things about my appearance. He suggested good dental coverage is very important. But I have always wanted to get invisible braces, just don't have the extra $5,000 or so to spend on a cosmetic device. Something I've been bumping up against for years is the disparity between my material/cosmetic presentation compared to that of the well-heeled people who hire me to advise them. I've managed ok as is, but I would feel much better advising/presenting to much broader audiences if I weren't deep down slightly self-conscious about my imperfect smile.

 

 

 

Look, because it's an issue for you, if you said something first & he said good dental coverage is important, no harm no foul. He was empathizing.

 

 

If 2 weeks into dating, he told you to improve your dental issues that is a problem.

 

 

I only mentioned it because you said your teeth make you self conscious. My point was to say that if something makes you feel bad about yourself & it's fixable, fix it. Right now, I'm feeling overweight so I'm back dieting & exercising. I'm fixing the thing I don't like about myself. When I lost a tooth I got it fixed. I would have been furious if somebody else told me to fix it without me bringing up the subject first.

 

 

Another caution if he's flaunting his money & connections that is a problem. Many lawyers do know lots of people in politics; it's an occupational hazard but the good ones don't brag. When I have been in the position to introduce a new acquaintance to an old friend who happens to be famous I just make the introduction but don't make a big deal about it.

 

 

Go slow. It's early

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted

Ruby,

I don't know why everyone is jumping on the tooth thing. You said that he didn't bring it up and has only been complimentary. This is your insecurity, and you said that you think it's a significant thing with respect to not fitting into his world. I have two thoughts on it... a) it's fixable, if you were to marry him you'd be able to do that, and b) it's apparently not important to him, and it's probably not nearly as bad as your insecurity over it. If you can let go of the insecurity it will cease to be a limiting factor. I know it's easier said than done, but I believe you should try to make it a non-issue.

 

You are being presented with an opportunity to move into a higher social stratum. This is universally thought of as desirable, and many great works of literature are based on achievement of this dream. People struggle their whole lives for it, parents strive to gift this opportunity to their children. It is difficult and unusual for people to jump to higher stratum at mid-life, and is usually only accomplished via high intelligence, awakenings and the seizing new educational opportunities after having been limited earlier by lack of finances and belief in the possibility. Even those who manage to move up rarely jump more than a single rung on the ladder.

 

But here you are with the possibility of doing something that's the subject of books and movies (Cinderella, Pretty Woman, My Fair Lady, etc.). I think you're up to the task if you can get past the insecurity of not being good enough. That's really all that's holding you back, assuming this guy is sincere. That would be my main concern rather than you being up to it. Perfectionism is debilitating. Don't be self-defeating by thinking in those terms.

 

The key to this is the guy's emotional intelligence (and yours), sincerity, trustworthiness, etc. The risk is the same as for everyone –– going all in and getting your heart broken. If you feel right about him personally, invest in the man and the relationship first and foremost, consider the bump in stratum as a gift from the universe, and try not to question your worthiness.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

I think it's cute that you're worrying so much. Eventually you'll calm down.

  • Like 2
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