justasmalltowngirl Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Hi, Me and my narcissistic ex boyfriend had been arguing since February. Splitting up/getting back together and repeating the pattern until early June. -a very viscous circle. It wasn't until June that we both agreed that we needed to go our separate ways. We left it on good terms and agreed to be friends, of course this is hardly ever possible especially with someone who is narcissistic. From feb-June my ex would emotionally abuse me, insult my looks, appearance, weight, family, home etc. He would go onto threaten me and my brothers. He would bribe and blackmail me, he would say crude things such as " if you sleep with another man of my choice and let me watch you both I'll consider you being my girlfriend again, if you don't I will find someone else to fulfil my needs". He would Book hotel rooms claiming they where for me and him but then would message me saying unneeded to find another boy to take with me aswell as him, he wanted to be " my bitch ". He would put my photo and number on swingers websites and text other men pretending to be me planning dates and talking sexually to them. He would go on to ask for rude favours and if I didn't do them for him he would " give his d*** to some other woman who would appreciate it ". He even bought a dildo and demanded that I used it on him and tell him rude things about what I've been up too while we've been split up, I would lie and make things up to please him. He would later get angry and aggressive, calling me whores and wenches and threaten the boys. If he didn't get what he demanded I would be blocked and forgotten about, if I done what he said I would be lucky to get an occasional message but he would still be doing what he pleased. Going out on dates with girls etc. I would find myself sobbing hysterically every time I slept with him or received these messages at the other end of the phone. I've always knew he had this sort of fetish, but not to this extent and not where he would use it in his favour to blackmail me. He had me right where he wanted me, he knew I wanted to speak to him and if that meant only about sex then anything would do as long as I would be receiving a message. Once he had his sexual pleasure he would completely distant himself and then A couple of days later he would come back round saying he loved me and missed me and I was the only girl for him - but he just wasn't ready for commitment. I found out in February he had been cheating on me with multiple women on social media and found out recently he's slept with 6-8 girls behind my back in the short 19 months we were together. Another reason my ex was still in contact with me was due to his best friend cheating on his GF ( she's sort of my friend but only because of our BF's ) every time I was out with her alone he would pester me ringing me numerous times, saying look "I'm finally grovelling for you!!! I want you back but please don't tell ___ about ___ cheating on her for all this time, if you do I will kill you!!" Of course I got a satisfaction of seeing the man I some how weirdly loved begging for me although it was for all the wrong reasons. After a long draining abusive couple of months I finally am 4 weeks into no contact with my ex. I was coping very well and felt like I could breathe again, although I was attending therapy and put on anti depressants seems felt to be going well for me. One of the last conversations me and my ex had was not the nicest and ended quite sour. ( things where civil until he was snooping on me on fake social media accounts and messaging me for sex AGAIN!!) He involved his family and I received a lot of abuse from his side. The last thing he said was he did not want a GF for a long time and just wanted to be alone, asked if I was the man for him? I replied no. He put the phone down and we have not spoke since. Since then we have blocked eachother of all social media and I have changed my number. All was well Until a few days ago, I found out he has a new girlfriend who he's parading all over social media. ( something he didn't use to do with me ) flaunting her off everywhere, taking her on OUR holiday we had booked together for MY birthday. They seem really happy. I'm quite sad that mutual friends of ours knew about this girl and didn't even give me the heads up. I've woken up this morning feeling very upset and sad and unsure of what to do. Has anyone been through a similar situation and can give me any advice?
Zahara Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Good grief! Be grateful that this douchebag is out of your life. What an incredible blessing. This girl is going to end up just like you. It's only a matter of time before the honeymoon is over and he tires of her and starts treating her like garbage. Him dating this girl and flaunting her isn't about your value. Work on yourself and rebuild your self-esteem.. When you start to believe in your own worth, whatever he is doing or dating will not affect you because you want and know you deserve better. 3
Arieswoman Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 justasmalltowngirl, your @r$ho£e ex will keep on playing this on/off game for as long as you let him, because it feeds his ego and gives him control over you which is what he wants. It takes two to play and you stopped playing, so he went and found someone else. Well, if nothing else you can feel sorry for the poor girl because "leopards don't change their spots". Start building your life without him and be jolly glad you didn't marry him or have kids with him You can do better than this and I'm sure you know that 2
stillafool Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 You shouldn't care who this jerk is with as long as it isn't you. Good that you are in therapy and away from him. Now do yourself a favor and stop spying on them on social media. 4
Sadmomma Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I understand exactly how you feel. Except instead of 19 mth mine was 11 yrs. He lives at my house 4/5 days a week and at his other women(s) house the other. He knows I am devastated and extremely depressed. But when I try and talk about it he always says the whole break up was my fault. For basically any decision I made without his permission. The other woman has been warned by some girl on social media but she stayed with him. Not sure why when there was NUMEROUS people admitting to what he does. If we were the ones with friends being treated like this we would tell them to run, you can do better, or whatever. But with a narcissist its different. They have played mind games with us to the point we don't know how to really be without them. It completely sucks. Stay busy, completely block him, dont even wonder about him. See a therapist because its impossible to heal on our own. Good luck.
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