Onceinlove Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Is it normal to miss somebody more as time goes by? I've now been broken up with my ex for 9 months and I miss her more each day. our relationship lasted 7 months so now the time away is longer than the time we were together. We were both in love with each other and even in our break up told each othec we will still always love each other and couldn't replace each other. The break up was more her than me and we broke up over some very ridiculous reasons, some views on social issues, and both having a different circle and types of friends different from each other even though we had pretty much everything in common with each other this became an issue and she was big into yoga and about a month before our break up started this new form of yoga which started making her go crazy which she knew it was doing but had to see the process through, especially since all her friends who also do it convinced her to do this new form. We had another blow up over text and agreed to take a week long break not texting each other until 5 days later when we would see each other to discuss our future. I wanted to keep it going and thought we were fighting over stupid reasons, most of which really had nothing to do with either of us, she however didn't want to. I was in shock and then later on as we talked and held each other, crying knowing it was over she seemed shocked when I said we couldn't talk or be friends anymore. I told her I was really hurt and it would be impossible to go from somebody I'm in love with who I talked to everyday along with the 9 months we knew each other before in which we talked constantly getting to know each other to just being friends. She perhaps started to have doubts, said perhaps she needed a break and I told her I just couldn't do it I'll be hurting too much. When we said good bye she asked if she could call or text me a few weeks later I told her no and she asked again I just said if you do I wouldn't know if I'd respond back and that was it. I missed her from day 1 and even though I have had a lot of anger and hate over the reasons of our break up for her now it's just missing her more then anything each day. Especially since we both did things together we both enjoyed that I can't do with anyone else including new dating prospects. We both live in the same area but have no common friends and she at my request deleted 2 of my friends on her fb as well as me deleting her so there has been no contact since. About a month and a half into the break up I seen she looked at my OkCupid profile (that's how we met) but aside from that the no contact rule is still just that. I just wonder if she still misses me and if I could contact her after all this time? We are both stubborn and I know I said we only dated 7 months but we are both adults I'm 41 she is 36 so we both aren't naive in love.
elaine567 Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 She broke up with you. The ball is in her court and as she is not contacting you saying she made a big mistake, then it is all over. The differences for her, outweighed the things you had in common. It may have been a big love story for you, but not her, otherwise she would never have split up with you in the first place. You could contact her but I guess she will be happy to be your friend but nothing else, and it will put you right back to stage one of the grief process. You are split up for longer than you dated, she will have moved on and so should you. 2
Funny bunny Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 It seems like you have lingering doubts and hopes. I would say something along the lines of "I am willing to work through our problems because I love you. Do you feel the same way? A yes or no answer is all I need" if she says yes the yes but if she says no then you know they don't love us enough to make it work and this should be enough to push us on to move on. I had to do the same think when I was broken up two months ago and it helped me to move on and start grieving and healing. 1
Maldives Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 It seems like you have lingering doubts and hopes. I would say something along the lines of "I am willing to work through our problems because I love you. Do you feel the same way? A yes or no answer is all I need" if she says yes the yes but if she says no then you know they don't love us enough to make it work and this should be enough to push us on to move on. I had to do the same think when I was broken up two months ago and it helped me to move on and start grieving and healing. I 2nd the above. It's been 9 mths for me as well we were together 6 yrs I've gotten better over time. I can remember feeling like u did tho in another relationship and somewhat also wth my current ex and the reason u feel as u do is because the longer time passes the more a realisation hits it's really over. I think thats why u feel the way u do. I've never had anything good come of breaking NC but theres no real rule of thumb just be aware if it doesn't go the way ud like it its gonna hurt and set u back again. 1
Author Onceinlove Posted June 29, 2017 Author Posted June 29, 2017 Thanks for your input you make valid points. I have to admit that much of which she knows about me is what I guess has given me hope. She might be terrified to have tried to contact me be because I had told her during the course of our last day that although I love her right now over time I probably will eventually wind up hating her during this time. I'll will admit that I'm not the most forgiving man. While we were dating I had a falling out with a few cousins and my sister and stoped talking to them, even though I didn't elaborate on the subject much with her she understood but also I told her what my reaction would probably be if they did reach out... which honestly 9 times out of 10 the past few months till now would have been my reaction to her so I wouldn't doubt she had that fear. Also over the times we talked about past relationships and times we were hurt I told her how it made me happy when either girls that made a bad decision not given me a chance, girls that hurt me or girls that came out of the woodwork after seeing I was in a relationship regretted it so if she thinks I hate her I doubt she would give me the satisfaction there.
Author Onceinlove Posted June 29, 2017 Author Posted June 29, 2017 Also, unlike her previous ex she was with for years where she removed any remnerace of him. Even though I deleted her (didn't block) she never untagged herself in my pics with her in it and still hadn't removed the pics of me and her together on FB. With her last ex who she got back with briefly during the time we knew each other before we dated she totally removed everything and blocked him.
kortz Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Also, unlike her previous ex she was with for years where she removed any remnerace of him. Even though I deleted her (didn't block) she never untagged herself in my pics with her in it and still hadn't removed the pics of me and her together on FB. With her last ex who she got back with briefly during the time we knew each other before we dated she totally removed everything and blocked him. Absolutely do not read anything into that. There could be many reasons for her keeping pictures up and not untagging herself but all of them could still mean she doesn't want to get back with you. Also it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that she's maybe not contacting you out of stubbornness but again you're only fooling yourself. If she is so stubborn then chances are once her mind is made up about the break up then that's it and there is no going back...despite the fact she may care for the relationship that is now in the past. I say both these things out of experience having come across these scenarios with a girl. To this day she still has our pictures up and even took her previous ex's down when we got together, and she was a very headstrong person and I read too much into it thinking maybe she wants to reach out but is too afraid and so I approached her only to be met with no. If she really wanted to be with you she would and that is a sad fact you need to accept. Lots of people on here say that in the majority of cases only the dumper can initiate any form of reconciliation and they are 100% right. It has been 9 months, longer than you were together, she has moved on and so should you.
Author Onceinlove Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 Update: I guess my last theory was right after all, I discussed it with a friend that knows my stubbornness well and he agreed that in his opinion that would definitely be a reason she won't contact me. So last night I just decided to shot her a text telling her I was thinking of her and missed her, she responded back pretty quickly after probably playing the waithbg game or talking to somebody about just receiving a text from me. She was excited to hear back and says she thought often about contacting me but didn't know of it would be cool. We are going right back to our very long texts catching up so hopefully this leads back to good tings.
Funny bunny Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Wow that's amaxing. If you guys reconcile think straight away about going into counseling. You guys could clear the air and figure out what went wrong and how to go about it, let us k ow what happens.
Spartakooty Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 My situation was a lot like yours Onceinlonve. Glad yours might have a happy ending. I think mine is too damaged to believe in reconciliation...but it hasn't been 3 months yet. I find it interesting that you two obviously have something after 9 months apart. Did either of you date in between?
whatnot Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Update: I guess my last theory was right after all, I discussed it with a friend that knows my stubbornness well and he agreed that in his opinion that would definitely be a reason she won't contact me. So last night I just decided to shot her a text telling her I was thinking of her and missed her, she responded back pretty quickly after probably playing the waithbg game or talking to somebody about just receiving a text from me. She was excited to hear back and says she thought often about contacting me but didn't know of it would be cool. We are going right back to our very long texts catching up so hopefully this leads back to good tings.Odd how things work. I was reading with interest as I feel as you do....over a year of being NC. Then when I read your happy ending....it struck me...."If she did that with me...I'd be miserable." Thanks!
Author Onceinlove Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 Wow that's amaxing. If you guys reconcile think straight away about going into counseling. You guys could clear the air and figure out what went wrong and how to go about it, let us k ow what happens. Thanks. It was a start in the right direction. We didn't have a messy break up, no cheating or such. We basically broke up because we kind if lived in different worlds, she actually got along with my friends great and they all loved her. Her friends on the other hand I'm sure didn't like me and definitely played a huge influence on the reason we got into an argument which lead to the break up from the beginning. Think this could pose a problem because I'm sure they trashed me often and I think it's going to be hard to get her back for the reason. I didn't date anyone seriously in this time and I don't think she did either since she would often pop up on bumble and Tindar searches. We texted each other some very long catching up texts thecpsdt 3 days, however I texted her last and she hasn't responded back in over a day now. Perhaps she's scared, or friends intervened.. could be reading to much into this too since we texted long and often in the 7-8 months before we dated and she would often not respond back for days or weeks at a time but told me she always hoped to date me even when she kinda was seeing other guys during that time.
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