SammySammy Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 It's not a gender thing. It's not even a dating thing. It's just about maintaining/enforcing good boundaries. It's very easy to frame yourself as "a relaxed person", whilst allowing people to play you up. Tolerating it, until your pride has enough, and you dump them. Notice that when you enforce the boundary, these guys change? But by that point, your pride is hurt, and you can't go backwards. I had the same thing with women throughout my teens and early 20's. Which naturally leads to thoughts such as "why do people not appreciate what they have whilst they have it?" or "why is it that you have to crack the whip to get decency?". I think it's human nature that when you give people an inch, they take a mile. I think we are all encroaching on each others boundaries merely by existing, and those that willingly move theirs back to accommodate others will be having their boundaries set by those same people. Nip it in the bud in future. By showing a preference for dumping all of these men, you are actually showing immature boundaries imo. Allowing things to get to a certain intolerable level, before just burning down the entire thing to start the exact same process with someone else. There is one consistent in this, and that's you. Work on your boundaries, and work on refining how your enforce them. Don't expect people to just give you what you think you deserve based on altruism, love, and rainbows. Agreed. It is important for men and women to set and reinforce appropriate boundaries in all relationships. Family relationships, business relationships, romantic relationships, and any other relationships we may have. We tend to be treated how we allow ourselves to be treated. 2
Arieswoman Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 It is important for men and women to set and reinforce appropriate boundaries in all relationships. Family relationships, business relationships, romantic relationships, and any other relationships we may have. We tend to be treated how we allow ourselves to be treated. This nails it ^^^ It's also worth mentioning that we have boundaries not to "train" people, or manipulate them into behaving the way we want, but to protect ourselves. 2
CptInsano Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 This nails it ^^^ It's also worth mentioning that we have boundaries not to "train" people, or manipulate them into behaving the way we want, but to protect ourselves. Agreed, the word "training" confuses the issue. It's about standing up for yourself in a relationshipy but also learning how to negotiate. (Just declaring something to be a boundary and setting an ultimatum is not all that effective, either.) 1
Midnight.Amber Posted June 30, 2017 Posted June 30, 2017 (edited) Agreed. It is important for men and women to set and reinforce appropriate boundaries in all relationships. Family relationships, business relationships, romantic relationships, and any other relationships we may have. We tend to be treated how we allow ourselves to be treated. Wholeheartedly agree, when in a relationship. But developing a relationship takes time, you don't meet someone and immediately jump into a relationship. Prior to that, you date. in those early stages, we are observing each other and our respective behaviors to determine if someone is right for us, enough to want to have a relationship with. Of course it's important to maintain our own personal standards and boundaries re what we will (and won't) tolerate and accept. In the early stages when observing, if the person you are dating steps over a boundary, or not rising to your own personal standard (which differs person to person), the best thing to do, imo, is to walk. I don't think walking in this early stage is showing "immature boundaries" as another poster suggested. To me, it's smart dating. Knowing what behaviors you will allow and accept into your life. Enforcing boundaries, compromising, negotiating comes later, when actually "in" the relationship. Not in the dating stage. Not in my opinion anyway. When you walk, it's not even about "punishing" or a shyt test. It's simply about, again, what and whom you choose to accept and allow into your life. If after you walk, he/she wants to return and rise to your standard, then depending how you feel, consider it. And continue to observe. Both men and women should be doing this. To the OP, your mistake is tolerating this cr*p for too long. Allowing it to eat at you, and becoming pissed off and bitter. When you see it, no sense in hanging around, or wasting energy "enforcing boundaries," again that comes later when in the relationship. Best to just wish them well and walk. Look for a man who rises to your personal standards, whatever those standards may be. This is what I do, which has always worked quite well for me. Keeps me from becoming bitter and jaded. Edited June 30, 2017 by Midnight.Amber 2
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