elroymc Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Is there something called closure necessary? I've been separated for 11 month now. In all this time she does not show any signs of needing me or wanting o try to get back. our relation is respectfull and cordial. We love each other very much, but she is not in love with me anymore. We were a couple since high school and all the first time expiriences were done together for 13 years. We have two daughters. It has come to the time that I know that there is anything to do. However, i always feel that there s hope or maybe the chance that she will call or say something that could bring a chance to our marriage. I tried everything, but still thinking taht maybe ther is something that i could say or do that could bring her back. I feel extremly sad and have her in my mind the second I open my eyes in the morning. She told me that she does not love me, but when I say that we should get dvorced and set things straight she does not do anything. I am prety much sure she is nt interested in me, but I need closure. I need to heal my soul. What to do? How to think on something else?
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 I've always been the type that needs closure in order to move on.. That being said I think you can't get closure because you are stalemated and not moving forward in your relationship. I think there comes a time when the serperation has run it's course and the next step needs to be taken.. Either put it back together or divorce. A lot of people even though they don't want to be married don't want to be divorced either, This I think can happen when a seperation gets dragged out like yours. You need to take the bull by the horns and finish what has been started
Deborah Posted August 7, 2005 Posted August 7, 2005 Dear Elroy, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I too know the feeling that there must be something you can do or say to put things right, but you never know what. My own seperation took place 1 year ago and I too think about him still all the time. He never gave me closure and if I had not gotten it for myself, I would probably be in the same position as you. What I did, and what I would advise you to do, is to break it off for good. I know you cant really cut her out of your life because you have children together, but you must realize for yourself that you hang on long enough, and that it is time for you to move on with your life. I dont know how much contact you still have with each other, but I think you should tell her that you want your distance and that contact should be reduced to the necessary minimum. This does not mean that you must hate her or that you will never be able to be friends. But you need to cut this cord that still connects you to her and rebuild your life without her in it. If it helps you to achieve closure, then I think you should pressure for a divorce. It might help you believe that it is over but it is nothing that you can never reverse (you could always remarry). Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best.
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