Found out ex lied, in relationship with "friend"; I need support

[babysacay]

My ex and I broke up a few days ago after a 5-and-a-half-month relationship because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship due to being busy with work and fixing up a house he's trying to buy. We had been fighting a lot due to him being more distant and not wanting to talk about issues and he perceived me as being impatient (He lives 2 hours away). I understand now I pressured him more than I should have.

 

Thursday night he said that even though we really, really like each other, he thought it would be best if we break up. I said okay, I understand, and then he said he wanted a break. I turned it into a break-up the next morning saying I didn't want to break up but felt like we had no choice. He said he didn't want to break-up either but that I just had to be so impatient. Then there was a day of space and he sent me a video he wanted to share with me.

 

It became a friendly break-up; Sunday I asked if there was a chance of us being together in the future or if the door was closed on us as a couple for good and he said there is a chance but it has to be when he is not dealing with the stuff he is dealing with anymore. He said he doesn't think he is ready for what I was wanting and that he was stressed with me wanting all of the attention. I said didn't want tons of attention; I just wanted a relationship where there's open communication and where we do what we say we'd do (he had a pattern of saying he'd call and then not call). I then told him I think it's best if I don't hear from him at all for a while unless he is ready for and wants a relationship with me. After that, he said "You know that you can come see the pups whenever you want. I don't want you to think you are ousted out of our lives."

 

That was all well and good until this morning. Back story: We had gotten one puppy in December and the second one at the beginning of February. I recently came upon his Tinder profile that talked just about the first dog, but not the second. And it only had a picture of the first dog. It seems like he got the Tinder in between getting the first and second dog, so I'm completely floored because I didn't think he was the type of guy to be disloyal or dishonest. And my friend said that even though he hadn't SnapChatted her much when we were together, he snapped her frequently the past couple days (she's in my program).

 

I'm so hurt and surprised that I trusted him only to learn he was on a dating site while we were together. And when he talked about a break and I asked what it meant, he said he hadn't even considered dating other women. I'm also hurt that he has enough time to post on Facebook and SnapChat other people but didn't make time to work on our relationship.

 

I just want to hear other people's stories and maybe even get others' take on my story so I can feel like I am not alone and that other people understand. Thank you

[CC1985]

Hey there, I followed your link from your comment on my post and really sorry to hear that you're going through the same sort of pain, albeit with a slightly different twist to mine.

 

 

From a male perspective, and forgive me for sounding a tad blunt here, but I would say your ex doesn't really know what he wants. If he perceives you as being impatient and then breaks up but has also been on Tinder it would sound like he's trying to keep all options open which really isn't fair on someone like you who is keen for something more.

 

 

I have had similar I my relationship (10 months on) where at certain point early on, my ex gf has mentioned getting a house, marriage, having children right down to baby names etc! Once I realised how I felt I agreed and at other times would initiate the talk myself as it felt like a certainty. In the 2 or 3 months before my ex left, she would backtrack on the things she said, especially after we got in our house together just over a month ago. This fuelled my already insecure mind and started a whole chain of accusations that ultimately led to her leaving.

 

 

I guess love and a relationship is like an elastic band, if one person pulls too far one way, unless he other person leans that way too it will snap. If both people pull opposite it snaps quicker. That is what I have found, the more love I gave and affection I showed the more my ex retreated, yet if I backed down she would show more love and effort.

 

 

In all honesty, you have probably avoided even further heartache with someone who doesn't seem to be ready for the same level of commitment as you. I know that right now that probably doesn't mean anything as you'll be hurting, but unless your ex changes his mind and suddenly wants to settle down, it's never going to be a committed relationship.

 

 

keep your head up, and try to keep busy!

[babysacay]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate your male perspective. It's just so weird to me because I know he's interested in a getting married again and he was trying to stabilize his life. Guess he wants to play around more before finally settling down.

[airborne3502]

I didn't think he was the type of guy to be disloyal or dishonest.

 

This behavior is unacceptable and I'm sorry you have to feel the pain in the process of dodging a very large bullet.

[babysacay]

Update: He agreed to talk about getting back together last night; however, he wanted to only talk over Facebook Messenger and not a phone call or video. This is a pattern from our old relationship. I acknowledged my role but he still continued to blame me for my part even though I admitted my shortcomings. He also refused to talk any more about the Tinder situation, even though early in our relationship, he said he was open to talking about anything so this seemed very fishy for me. Everything still feels like it is revolving around him, just like it did in our relationship. So I sent him a message saying

 

"After last night, I've decided that you're not in a place to make this work at this point. I've been flexible and agreed to improve but you kept blaming me instead of taking responsibility for your role. I still feel like there's more with the Tinder thing since you were so against talking about it and made it sound like there's more to explain and talk about. If you truly, honestly bottom-of-your-heart want to get back together, then I need you to be in a place where you stop blaming me, take responsibility for your role, be open to communicating about what bothers me, including Tinder, and be willing to have a conversation in a place beside text. If you continue to refuse these things, I don't want to get back together bc I'm tired of feeling like the one who wants this more and feeling like everything is just about what you want. If you're ever ready, call me. Otherwise I'm moving on with my life.

And to make it clear: I was never on Tinder when we were together. I was 100% loyal to you.

 

And

 

 

"From now on, I want only friendly texts between us. Any talk about us getting back together will have to be another method. So that's all up to you. You know clearly where I stand. Congratulations on the house closing today :)"

 

I'm so over the blame game. If he truly wants to make this work, he'll stop blaming me and making demands of me and be more flexible, right?

[babysacay]

Also, if he get back together under the context that the break-up was all my fault, then he will have more power in the relationship, which he already did before the break-up. I want an equal relationship, and in order for that to happen, he needs to take responsibility too and stop blaming me. Otherwise, I do not want to reconcile. Thoughts on this?

[Zahara]

He sounds emotionally avoidant and clearly has difficulty communicating. Read up on attachments styles and you'll see you and your ex there. The fact that he hides behind text/FB is a clear indication that he cannot be vulnerable or open. This is his way of putting up a wall. Also, failing to take responsibility and having awareness, plus feeling the need to constantly blame the other person is a red flag you need to heed. These traits don't change and even if he came to you today wanting to take a stab at being in a relationship again, you'd suffer the same cycle at some point. This is who he is. It doesn't just change or create awareness in him just because you voice it. In his mind, it's an alien language because he is who he is, and stuck in his ways.

 

Rather than focus on who did what and who's fault it may be, start asking yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want to be in. Start figuring out the values you seek and what in your mind would be a healthy and thriving relationship. This guy will likely never be able to give you what you want because these traits are ingrained.

 

You want an equal relationship -- in that sense you need to be with someone that can offer compatibility as well as emotional stability. You can want it, but that may not necessarily translate the same way in his mind.

[babysacay]

Thank you so much for your thoughts Zahara, I really appreciate your input. It's really helpful to have an outsider's perspective

[babysacay]

Also, in regards to the Tinder thing, at first he told me that he changed the description on his Tinder recently after we broke up. But I kept telling him my logic about it only talking about one dog when he now has two and he then told me an hour later that he didn't think we were going to work out, so he redownloaded Tinder, changed the description, changed his mind, and then deleted it. He said he didn't talk to anyone or have sex with anyone while we were together but he didn't want to talk about why he wasn't up front to begin with. I told him I understand and don't blame him, so I don't get why he's still so closed off about it. Yeah, he definitely told me he has problems with relationships while we were together. Now I see why.

[Zahara]

Also, in regards to the Tinder thing, at first he told me that he changed the description on his Tinder recently after we broke up. But I kept telling him my logic about it only talking about one dog when he now has two and he then told me an hour later that he didn't think we were going to work out, so he redownloaded Tinder, changed the description, changed his mind, and then deleted it. He said he didn't talk to anyone or have sex with anyone while we were together but he didn't want to talk about why he wasn't up front to begin with. I told him I understand and don't blame him, so I don't get why he's still so closed off about it. Yeah, he definitely told me he has problems with relationships while we were together. Now I see why.

 

Babysacay, I dated a man just like your ex. There's no getting around them when it comes to being vulnerable and having the ability to communicate maturely and honestly. Chances are everytime there's a bump, he's either going to want you to shut both eyes and just accept it for what it is or he's going to hide.

 

And if he's told you he has problems with relationships, you need to pay attention. He's giving you a warning on a silver platter.

[babysacay]

Zahara, what happened after the similar ex you dated? Anything that can give me hope for my future with or without this guy?

[olivetree]

Hey girl,

 

This isn't the guy for you.

 

Rather than communicating about problems with you, he immediately went online to find a replacement, BEFORE breaking up with you.

Even if nothing happened, it's basically cheating/intent to cheat.

 

That's not acceptable and you are being WAY too understanding about it.

Stuffing away your own needs and standards for what is acceptable treatment to try and make a relationship work is a recipe for having a guy walk all over you, and you always being the one who gives too much.

 

You can do much better.

You just need to recognize your worth.

[babysacay]

Thank you olivetree! I agree with you, he has been walking all over me and I've just been bending to his needs. So I stated my own and if he can't or won't meet them, then I'm not reconciling I know I can do much better.

[Zahara]

Zahara, what happened after the similar ex you dated? Anything that can give me hope for my future with or without this guy?

 

It was a difficult relationship to detach from because of the push and pull after every break-up. I am sure at some point this guy will rubberband. The promise for change was always the carrot he would dangle and the donkey I was would always chomp! Just a never ending cycle.

 

I noticed you mentioned that you are open to engaging with him on a platonic level. I think that's very unrealistic. You need to cut the cord and move on. You will not get what you want from this guy. He may try if you reconcile but it will be short lived.

 

Like your ex, the first fight we had, he was on a dating site. Reasons being he needed a distraction/attention. Promised that he didn't write to anyone or date. Never wanted to get into it because he didn't like being called out. These types are so emotionally empty that it doesn't take them but seconds to move on to the next.

 

Your first step is to block him. Grieve and heal from this. Step away from men for now. Stay single and independent for awhile. Use the time to self-reflect on why you accepted being in such a relationship. Check your boundary system. Focus on ways to get your confidence and self-esteem back.

[babysacay]

Another update:

 

At first, my ex said he wanted to work on things after his life calmed down. We texted back and forth regarding our past relationship and things seemed to be possible for future reconciliation. However, he still wanted weeks of space so I asked him a day after we talked if he wanted to work on us. He said he didn't know what to say and that he said we would work on stuff and if I can't take that answer, then to do what I have to do. I asked if he could promise that he would tell me if the door would ever shut on the chances of us being together in the future and he promised.

 

But then, the day after this conversation, his friend messaged me saying my ex was no longer interested in a relationship. I confronted my ex about it, tired of feeling strung along and taken for granted.

 

Me: "One of your friends told me you are no longer interested in a relationship with me, even though you told me we'd work on stuff. I'm confused."

 

Me after seeing he'd been online on Facebook for a few hours but hadn't read my message: "Can you please clarify? I'm tired of not being clear on your intentions, with you saying we'll work on things and be friends but not caring about me enough to say happy bday or make things less confusing. I feel like you're keeping me on a string with no real intentions and that's not fair. It's like you're afraid of me moving on but afraid of losing me too in case stuff doesn't work for you. Please just be straight up. That's all I ask. I need clarity."

 

Me after seeing he was still online a couple hours later without reading my previous messages "But it's clear youre never going to give it to me. And it's clear you don't even care about me as a friend. I don't want to work on things with someone who gives me false hopes. And I don't want to be friends with someone who ignores me and doesn't care enough to wish me a happy bday or give me honestt. Give my stuff back so i can be done with you for good."

 

Then he responded: "It's clear you haven't listened to a word I said. And no, not anymore. You literally haven't respected and request I have had to give me space and let **** calm down. You just keep on me every day. No break. I cannot put up with that. I'm completely done don't contact me anymore."

 

Him: "I've been putting a railing on my uncles deck all day and literally haven't looked at my phone since like 3pm. And then I get back to 3 messages that escalated from asking a question to assumptions again. Just leave me alone. We are not getting back together and I have no desire to work on anything anymore, for the simple fact that you cannot respect my request of space. I have had no space at all to figure anything out"

 

Me: "Ok. Mail my stuff." Then I gave him my address

 

Him: "No problem at all"

 

I felt guilty so contacted him a couple days later via text saying "You were right - I was impatient and pushy by blowing up your phone, pressuring you to talk, and not giving you space before. I made assumptions I should not have. I said things I didn't mean. I'm sorry for all that. You helped me see that I still have a lot of growing to do and that I am not yet ready for a relationship.

 

With that being said, I'd like to keep the lines of communication open and be on good terms because you are the type of person I want in my corner and I really miss the pups. I want us to be on good terms because I want you to know I still care about you since I made the mistake of saying things i didn't mean in the heat of my anger when we last talked.

 

If you do not want to be friends and really meant it when you told me to not contact you anymore, then I will respect your decision and wish you the best."

 

Needless to say, I am in full NC now.

[Maldives]

Update: He agreed to talk about getting back together last night; however, he wanted to only talk over Facebook Messenger and not a phone call or video. This is a pattern from our old relationship. I acknowledged my role but he still continued to blame me for my part even though I admitted my shortcomings. He also refused to talk any more about the Tinder situation, even though early in our relationship, he said he was open to talking about anything so this seemed very fishy for me. Everything still feels like it is revolving around him, just like it did in our relationship. So I sent him a message saying

 

"After last night, I've decided that you're not in a place to make this work at this point. I've been flexible and agreed to improve but you kept blaming me instead of taking responsibility for your role. I still feel like there's more with the Tinder thing since you were so against talking about it and made it sound like there's more to explain and talk about. If you truly, honestly bottom-of-your-heart want to get back together, then I need you to be in a place where you stop blaming me, take responsibility for your role, be open to communicating about what bothers me, including Tinder, and be willing to have a conversation in a place beside text. If you continue to refuse these things, I don't want to get back together bc I'm tired of feeling like the one who wants this more and feeling like everything is just about what you want. If you're ever ready, call me. Otherwise I'm moving on with my life.

And to make it clear: I was never on Tinder when we were together. I was 100% loyal to you.

 

And

 

 

"From now on, I want only friendly texts between us. Any talk about us getting back together will have to be another method. So that's all up to you. You know clearly where I stand. Congratulations on the house closing today :)"

 

I'm so over the blame game. If he truly wants to make this work, he'll stop blaming me and making demands of me and be more flexible, right?

 

U have time ask ureself can u really trust this guy? If im wth someone I love i wouldnt go on Tinder sounds to me hes not ready to settle and wants to keep his options open and play the field. My ex stressed me to no ends had kids court battles I stayed thru thick n thin so he's using that as a weakward excuse

[Maldives]

Another update:

 

At first, my ex said he wanted to work on things after his life calmed down. We texted back and forth regarding our past relationship and things seemed to be possible for future reconciliation. However, he still wanted weeks of space so I asked him a day after we talked if he wanted to work on us. He said he didn't know what to say and that he said we would work on stuff and if I can't take that answer, then to do what I have to do. I asked if he could promise that he would tell me if the door would ever shut on the chances of us being together in the future and he promised.

 

But then, the day after this conversation, his friend messaged me saying my ex was no longer interested in a relationship. I confronted my ex about it, tired of feeling strung along and taken for granted.

 

Me: "One of your friends told me you are no longer interested in a relationship with me, even though you told me we'd work on stuff. I'm confused."

 

Me after seeing he'd been online on Facebook for a few hours but hadn't read my message: "Can you please clarify? I'm tired of not being clear on your intentions, with you saying we'll work on things and be friends but not caring about me enough to say happy bday or make things less confusing. I feel like you're keeping me on a string with no real intentions and that's not fair. It's like you're afraid of me moving on but afraid of losing me too in case stuff doesn't work for you. Please just be straight up. That's all I ask. I need clarity."

 

Me after seeing he was still online a couple hours later without reading my previous messages "But it's clear youre never going to give it to me. And it's clear you don't even care about me as a friend. I don't want to work on things with someone who gives me false hopes. And I don't want to be friends with someone who ignores me and doesn't care enough to wish me a happy bday or give me honestt. Give my stuff back so i can be done with you for good."

 

Then he responded: "It's clear you haven't listened to a word I said. And no, not anymore. You literally haven't respected and request I have had to give me space and let **** calm down. You just keep on me every day. No break. I cannot put up with that. I'm completely done don't contact me anymore."

 

Him: "I've been putting a railing on my uncles deck all day and literally haven't looked at my phone since like 3pm. And then I get back to 3 messages that escalated from asking a question to assumptions again. Just leave me alone. We are not getting back together and I have no desire to work on anything anymore, for the simple fact that you cannot respect my request of space. I have had no space at all to figure anything out"

 

Me: "Ok. Mail my stuff." Then I gave him my address

 

Him: "No problem at all"

 

I felt guilty so contacted him a couple days later via text saying "You were right - I was impatient and pushy by blowing up your phone, pressuring you to talk, and not giving you space before. I made assumptions I should not have. I said things I didn't mean. I'm sorry for all that. You helped me see that I still have a lot of growing to do and that I am not yet ready for a relationship.

 

With that being said, I'd like to keep the lines of communication open and be on good terms because you are the type of person I want in my corner and I really miss the pups. I want us to be on good terms because I want you to know I still care about you since I made the mistake of saying things i didn't mean in the heat of my anger when we last talked.

 

If you do not want to be friends and really meant it when you told me to not contact you anymore, then I will respect your decision and wish you the best."

 

Needless to say, I am in full NC now.

 

Haha ok now ur starting to remind me of my conversations wth my ex.

I think alot of woman freak out wen men pull back because wen a woman behaves like this it means it is over. I'll explain men pull back and go quiet because they can't understand wat they r feeling and need quiet time and space to figure out there emotions. One way we do this is by playing scenarios thru our heads till it finally makes sense. Then we naturally come back out of our cave and move toward u. Woman on the other hand talkit out to find the answer we r the total opposite we need that space to feel the feelings if that makes sense. Having said all that his tinder behaviour is off and not excusable

[babysacay]

I really appreciate your input from a male perspective, goodguy05! That helps me to understand. And yeah, even after just three days NC, I realized that I'm not the only one to blame and that the Tinder thing is inexcusable. It's been really helpful so I don't get down on and blame myself for the whole relationship's demise. He really took me for granted and I let him do that until the very end.

[Maldives]

I really appreciate your input from a male perspective, goodguy05! That helps me to understand. And yeah, even after just three days NC, I realized that I'm not the only one to blame and that the Tinder thing is inexcusable. It's been really helpful so I don't get down on and blame myself for the whole relationship's demise. He really took me for granted and I let him do that until the very end.

 

No problem hope it all works out. Yes definatly the Tinder thing is a pretty big red flag im sorry uve had to go thru that and hav ur trust broken that way. People are never wat they seem sometimes. U have the truth it's wat u do wth that truth that counts. Where not all like that I've never ever cheated but hav had it happen to me a no. Of times its an aweful experience. I donno maybe some people just lack any sort of morals or principals it just means finding a better fit and no one wth that kind of baggage to deal wth big hug for u and u start feeling better in time.

[babysacay]

I got an unexpected text from my ex this morning.

 

 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I appreciate you recognizing some of these things that happened and i know I am not innocent either. I do have guilt on my shoulders for how some of it went down. I'd really like to be friends in the future but I just don't think right now is a good time for us to be communicating until you and I are over all of this. I'm really wanting to take some time to myself and focus on me. I feel like once I'm happy with myself I'll be able to make someone else happy. If that is you, then I am all for it. But if not, I'll understand. I am not mad or upset at you for anything. Just know I'm around and approachable."

 

I'm on Day 5 NC and I know if I respond then it'll prolong my healing. But it's tough not trying to get re-involved.

[SpecialJ]

There's nothing to reply to. He asked for space. If you're interested in any future relationship with him, romantic or just friends, then let him reach out to you again when he is ready. The no contact will give you time to figure out what you even want (is he really worthy of your time at this point?) and will respect his space. And trust me, even though I was dumped in the situation, my ex NOT respecting my request for space after the breakup made everything a million times worse. Now it's been 6 months, I've put us in no contact, and I don't know if I'll ever want to even be friends (which he desperately wants) after he didn't respect my request for months.

[Sweetfish]

LDR are risky and hardly work.

 

You are looking at a 4-5hr turn around to meet or go out.

 

He is on Tinder because he wants sex...

Your not giving it to him... so he is looking else where.

 

Also, he feels you are nagging him.

He holds all the power in the relationship.

 

Im not saying he is right or wrong. Im just saying what I see.

 

Two people who do not align.

[babysacay]

Y'all were right, I should have let this one go right away. He had told me that he wanted to see where things go with us and work on trying again in the future when he's not busy. He told me to be patient. l was okay with this because I was open to the opportunity of working on my patience.

 

But then I saw him updating his POF profile...and his headline changed from "I have my own s*** going on" to "Relationships are not window shopping, stop and talk."

 

That was it, I decided not to be walked on anymore. I'd had enough of this so I sent him this rant, knowing that he would block me afterwards. I'm glad to have the door closed fully, he was not worth it. And he had the AUDACITY to tell me last week that he never gave up on us...I had been the one that never gave up!

 

"I gotta get this off my chest. I don't care if you respond. I just want you to understand me for once. I just want to be understood.

 

It bothers me that you kept blaming everything on me. Yeah I had my role but you did too. I know I did. I was actually gonna back off and be patient until you were less busy...but then I saw you updating your POF profile. That's why I hounded you last week...to get a straight answer from you because your actions were different from your words.

 

And you said you never gave up...you were the one who broke it off and stopped trying. That IS giving up. I don't understand how that isn't giving up in your eyes...I was the one who didn't give up until now.

 

You said I'm selfish...but you acted selfishly too. Our whole relationship revolved around you and when you could talk and you couldn't be bothered to set aside time to work on things when all I wanted was to connect with you and work on our relationship.

 

Oh and remember the time you got mad at me for not visiting because I was busy with grad school and my thesis? Then when I visited, the only time we had together was dinner because you were so busy with your house and work. Which I was fine with. I genuinely understood and enjoyed being able to just be around you. But then during dinner you were on your phone. So don't tell me you never gave up. You gave up real easy RIGHT AFTER I let you in and started to fully trust you.

 

I know you probably won't read this but I'm still upset at how hypocritical and condescending you were towards me. I know I should've backed off but even when I did, that didn't matter to you. My patience before all this didn't matter to you. You didn't notice the positive improvement I'd made after the break-up.

 

You expected the worst of me and were so focused on blaming me you couldn't be bothered to see the part you played in it all. And you still can't be bothered to take responsibility for your inconsistency and the ways you hurt me because you always turn it back on me.

 

And forgive me for not believing that your trip with your female friend who had feelings for you and was SUPER pissed when we got together is purely platonic. Last

time an ex told me he was going on a trip with a platonic friend, they slept together and got married. Coupled with your words and actions being inconsistent with me...so yeah. It's completely irrational of me to feel hurt and angry. Right.

 

Yeah, I played a role in the break-up. You did too. But all you did was make me feel bad and guilty about it and put yourself on your high horse above me that you never came down from. You don't even know the improvements I had made from previous relationships that I demonstrated with you. I get better and better with time but you don't know that because you don't really know me.

 

You were both the best boyfriend I'd ever had and the most hurtful. I feel like you think I'm scum in your eyes.

 

Rant over."

 

He never took responsibility for his part. You guys were right. He won't change. And if he's as rigid and inflexible in his next relationship as he was with ours, his next relationship won't stay happy either. He had told me in a previous conversation "When I'm with someone that listens to me and can learn from me, I've never had issues." But he never tried listening or learning from me!

 

He responded to my rant with this: "The first mistake you made was comparing me to your ex. Holding past relationships against me is f**** up. All of this other s*** is just to make you feel better about yourself. I don't really care who's fault what is. You just don't know when to quit."

 

Good riddance.

 

I'll be posting a lot more on here because I'm still really hurting.

 

This was only a few days ago. Beginning Day 3 NC. All over again. I wish I'd just kept on it in the beginning.

[babysacay]

I'm gonna post here whenever I feel like messaging my ex so I'm not taking over that other thread. Day 3 NC...I wish it were Day 365 already...

 

I'm sorry for throwing my anger at you. I just felt tired of being your door mat and tired of being trampled by ykur high horse. And tired of beinf hurt. You know what they say, hurt people hurt people.

 

I start my new job today. I wish I could tell you about it but I know you don't care. You said you really care about me but if you genuinely did, you wouldn't have strung me along while looking for others to date. I miss the pups and wish I could look forward to visiting them. Give them lots of cuddles for me.

[babysacay]

I woke up feeling immensely sad that I will never see you or cuddle with the pups again. I love Tank so much. I know, I'm ridiculous, I got weirdly attached to a dog. I keep looking around my new house and thinking about how I could really use the extra furniture you were willing to give away. But I won't contact you because you chose to cut me out of your life completely. You made that clear when you broke up with me, started looking for other women, and led me on.

 

We could have been friends in the future but I don't want to be friends with someone who would give me that level of disrespect by telling me we'll see where things go to try to work things out but then look for other women to date. How could you not be honest with me about that??? I would have accepted even that if you had been transparent about it.

 

It is so incredibly hard to accept that you want nothing to do with me. You don't want to be with me. You don't want me in your life. But I'm working on accepting this each day.

 

I don't understand how this breakup is so easy for you. Before we started being a couple, you told me you would do anything it takes to fix a relationship and would stress about it until it was fixed or in the process of getting fixed. But that did not happen to you at all in our relationship, even though you said it had been years since you felt so strongly for someone so fast.

 

Guess that should have been a warning sign. Especially after you told me I was your best friend a month and a half after knowing each other. I thought that was weird. Anyone who developed feelings as fast as you did was bound to lose them just as fast, so when I started falling in love with you, you started falling out of love with me. There's no way you could have had genuine feelings for me that fast. You didn't even know me. I think you just really wanted SOMEONE. Any warm female body that belonged to an attractive and intelligent woman would do.

 

And I wonder if I should have considered it a warning sign when you told me that almost all of your exes have cheated on you. And you have had many, many exes. You're 28 and I was about your 16th girlfriend? And your marriage 8 years ago lasted only less than one year? I thought those were both strange too. Do you just pick bad women or do you consistently behave in a way in your relationships that lead them to be vulnerable to receiving affection elsewhere?

 

I know I'm a good, loyal woman who has never cheated on anyone so I'm inclined to believe it's the second option.

 

Part of me hopes that your next will cheat on you so that you can realize exactly what you lost with me. But that's just cruel. I just hope to be indifferent toward you one day.