StarkContrast Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 My gf just broke up with me after a few months. Her main complaints was that I wasn't focused enough on her and talked about career but didn't pay enough attention and give her enough affection. Right now, this is very hard for me to take in because of the fact that I'm soon turning 38. My fear is turning 40 and still being single with no family. I've done well for myself in terms of achievements and accomplishments. But to me, right now, nothing means much without a family and children. Despite the common cliche about how men's value rises with age and career, I think most women don't want to be dating a guy that's almost 40. The fact that I stand at 5'5 also doesn't help matters haha. Also, I have things going on in my life, that actually pursuing a relationship and the drama that accompanies it, is just very difficult and possibly not very feasible. I either have to lay off on some goals, or forget about finding anyone soon, which may mean never if that's the case. I'm not sure how many other guys run in a similar situation. 1
Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Turned 35 this year, relationship that I thought was "he one" ended, sake as you want a family, a wife, got a good career but would swap it in a heartbeat for the former. I have the same concerns. I see no light at the end of tunnel
Author StarkContrast Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Rko28, I'm sorry man. I read your post and your situation sucks. My situation was a bit different in that she did things in the relationship that really ticked me off a lot. She was making it really hard for me to love her. So the break up wasn't too bad. It's just facing the singledom at this age, that is frightening to me. But I'm sorry about your situation, man...that just sucks.
Rko28 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Thanks I appreciate it. You have the hunger still for a relationship and meeting new girls, get out there and take advantage of it my friend
jwspark85 Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Going through something similar lately. I am a bit younger (32). My ex who I was with for over 5 years broke up with me 5 months ago. I was planning to propose to her this year, start a family, the whole thing. I am not really an expert when it comes to relationships, this was the only serious one I ever had, so I am afraid it will take me years to find another one. I also wish I had a proper career to speak of, at least I had something to concentrate on following the break up. Unfortunately, due to some company restructuring and some bad career decisions I made I basically had to restart my career this year as well. People keep saying that it is a great opportunity to restart my life, but I cant shake the feeling that life is passing me by. My best friends are already married or getting married/having kids and I feel like I am being left behind. This have been without a doubt the hardest few months in my life so far. But, I also learned a lot and forced myself to do things I didn't have the motivation to do before (hitting the gym several times a week, going for interesting job interviews I wasn't qualified for) The only thing I can say is ( and I know this is not much of a comfort) we cant loose hope. I am sure you will find several people who were in worse situations and were able to find love again.
SapperGB Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Im over 40 and struggling. my break up was my fault. for the last year I had such a wonderful girlfriend, we never once fought and were compatible in every single way. Ive been divorced before but this pain is unreal. I am such a fool. Not only have i lost my soulmate, ive lost my home too due to this. We dont live together but circumstances linked to the breakup mean i have to move in August. 1
Spartakooty Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 He I just got dumped at 45. I look and feel younger (so I'm told) so I have that going for me. Age is just a number. Look after yourself and we can all find someone! Still pissed I got dumped tho! Her loss. 1
Bromeo Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 It sucks at any age. I'm 38, and it's hard not to be jaded. After my last debacle, detailed here, I decided that there is no "perfect" woman, or "love of my life". And know what? Right now I'm fine with that. While I miss the connected feeling, I don't miss how I felt a few months back. I don't remember hurting that bad before, and I've been stabbed. I make jokes at work that I'm in a 0 women mode. Best and worst part is that at 38, pain was truly the most effective teacher. Like the op, I'm fairly accomplished. If life plans for me to be single, so be it. My insecurities have been burned away, and there isn't a weak, needy bone in my body. I'm also appalled at how I acted last year. I think my feelings are sore enough that my brain adjusted, and I'm happy being me. I've noticed I have to check myself not be bitter about relationships around other people though. Best part is, life has been amazing. Work is amazing, and since becoming more detached, space is made for good things to happen. 2
magnesium Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 This is just my opinion, and you can disagree if you wish, but it's better to be single than to marry the wrong person. 2
Author StarkContrast Posted June 29, 2017 Author Posted June 29, 2017 I know what you're saying. And I'm aware of the MGTOW movement. Ya know, call me overly-traditional, but there is just an innate desire to have a family. An bio-evolutionary compulsion? A social-cultural upbringing? Regardless, I feel family would give my life meaning. This is just my opinion, and you can disagree if you wish, but it's better to be single than to marry the wrong person.
whatnot Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 I'm 58. Got married in my mid 30's. divorced in mid 40's Met another one at 50. Lasted 6.5 years. Still not ready to date yet. I feel completely different from most everyone in this thread. It's not that they're not out there. It's that I'm not. They're still out there swarmin' around like hornets around a nest. I'm just not ready to go back out there yet. And I ain't no ladies man. Just know some things that age brings. that's all (sounds like a bunch of old maids gathered 'round a sewin' circle in here) You'll be a meetin' 'em in the old folks home....trust me.... 1
whatnot Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 ...and stay outta bars. Meet 'em anywhere but there. You want one that's not doin' that... 1
Maldives Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) My gf just broke up with me after a few months. Her main complaints was that I wasn't focused enough on her and talked about career but didn't pay enough attention and give her enough affection. Right now, this is very hard for me to take in because of the fact that I'm soon turning 38. My fear is turning 40 and still being single with no family. I've done well for myself in terms of achievements and accomplishments. But to me, right now, nothing means much without a family and children. Despite the common cliche about how men's value rises with age and career, I think most women don't want to be dating a guy that's almost 40. The fact that I stand at 5'5 also doesn't help matters haha. Also, I have things going on in my life, that actually pursuing a relationship and the drama that accompanies it, is just very difficult and possibly not very feasible. I either have to lay off on some goals, or forget about finding anyone soon, which may mean never if that's the case. I'm not sure how many other guys run in a similar situation. 46 here...although I don't worry about the family thing anymore im passed that. I've realised there's just no garauntees in life and it all comes down to the choices and decisions wth made and the people we've picked and the cards we been dealt. Life chugs along regardless that's the wisdom u gain at my age. Don't over think it My headspace at the moment---I don't wanna gf to be honest I cld do wthout another woman wth issues and getting dumped and getting hurt all over again. People are strange and have issues it's hard happy to not be in that space all those wonderful emotions jealousy oh boy it's ok being single a little lonely at times but no pain Edited June 29, 2017 by Goodguy05
Spartakooty Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Well it's been over 2 months since I got dumped by my 38 year old gf. Been farting around on match and have now friended - for lack of a better term - a 35 year old! Lol! Just spent 3 hours on the phone with her, and she lives 10 mins away. Will see if that goes anywhere. As I said, age is just a number, it's who we are that counts. The benefit in this situation is that we both have kids so there is now pressure for her, a younger woman, to build a family.
Miss Peach Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 I've dated several men in their 40s who missed the chance to have a family so it's a possibility. Several of them are now at the age where they don't want a high school kid at retirement time so they have passed up on the idea of a family. The issue that a lot of the 40s men have is that women in their 30s who look good and could still have kids have a lot of options. I get guys hitting on my in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. Plus there are a lot of us who already did the marriage and kids thing and don't want to do more kids. I'm not this way, but a lot of those women seem to have issues dating single men without kids. 40s is still doable but most of the guys I meet in their 50s are just kidding themselves as I can usually find guys closer to my own age who look better, are in good places in their careers, not as bitter, etc.
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