Noxe Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Hello. First off I'm a 24y old guy and I live in Europe. Back in December 2015 I met a girl online who was born also in Europe but when she was 12 years old she moved to middle east and in few months is going back to Europe after many years. We were basically soulmates. We fell in love pretty quickly. We shared interests and we were completing each other. After few months of being together we came up with an idea that I would visit her (3000km apart). Although due to their culture boys are not allowed to stay at girl's place so her family made an exception for me but they wanted to control us. So in the middle of June 2016 I was allowed to stay at her place for a week. She was a very adventurous girl with wild imagination. We really enjoyed our time together. We kissed and touched, we couldn't do anything more than that because we were being constantly watched. Then I had to go back. We were both suffering a lot, cried a lot, missed each other like crazy. We were calling each other a lot as well and writing a lot. I came up with an idea that she should visit me in my country now. She was very happy about it and said that she will talk to her dad about it. But few months after my visit something started to change. She was expressing her feelings towards me less and less. She was telling me that she has depression and later she told me that she doesn't like things like intimacy, kissing etc. She told me that her father (who I never met or talked to) doesn't like me (while the rest of the family who I met really liked me). Some time later she started coming up with taking a break from me for no reason. She was saying that she needs space, that I'm not giving her free time while she was basically doing her own stuff all the time. And soon after that she revealed to me that after my visit she doesn't feel the same about me anymore. That I was disrespecting her by forcing her to kiss me while all I was doing was asking for one good night kiss each day and she also blamed me for forcing to do other things to which I never forced her. In fact I asked few times if she would want to do one thing because I thought she was stressed or shy but I never forced her to anything. I told her that maybe it will pass and we continued being together for next months. She was barely telling me she loves me. Usually only when I said it first to her. 3 days ago she confronted me. She said that she feels the same about me all the time. That she feels disgust towards me after my visit, that her father told her many times through those months that he won't let us meet and that she doesn't love me anymore. She also told me that she is with someone else already (she is 23), with 35 year old gambler and I saw her share daddy kink posts etc (which she claimed she didn't like after my visit). I accused her of cheating because just one day before that she said she loves me and talked about our future plans of moving together but she said that she wasn't with me for a long time. We broke up. She said that it's a choice which she knows she will regret. She said she doesn't even know why she is with that guy, that he isn't rich and his english is broken and he gambles all the time and she knows that he will hurt her sooner or later. She said that she doesn't know if she is happy but I know that she has crush on him looking at her posts and which she later confirmed. I was in ruin. I didn't talk to her for a day and she said that she already misses me and she wants to talk to me because she feels lonely. I said that talking to her will only make us friends but she replied that if I wouldn't talk to her then we would become friends and she would fall for the guy. She still feels this disgust towards me and can't think in sexual way about me. She asked if I want her to be with the guy and I replied that of course no, then she said that she wants me to do a favor and talk to her everyday normally. I agreed and today is day 1 of it but I still see that she posts new kinky posts towards the other guy. What should I do. I still love her and I don't know if I should accept her request or stop the contact and hope she will realize her mistakes and come back to me. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Chi townD Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Dude, run! Run fast and hard. Why would you want to be with a girl that finds you disgusting (which is rude as hell, by the way). And she wants to keep you on the hook?!?!? Here's the deal, she wants you to keep talking to her so she gets her emotional needs met by you and she gets her physical needs met by him. How is that even remotely fair to you? Bottomline, she chose this other dude over you. She is officially with him now. You owe her nothing. So, don't be her lap dog. Dude, it hurts like hell now. But I PROMISE you that there is a girl out there for you. There is a girl that would like to go on a date with you. A girl that likes that you can make her laugh. That likes the attention you give her. And she's going to be with you because there's no other place that she would rather be at that moment. This girl isn't it. My grandfather once told me that if you treat the right girl with kindness, love and respect then she's going to give that back to you and A LOT MORE!!! You gave this girl kindness, love and respect and she gave you the shaft. So, that girl that is really going to make you happy is out there and she's waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to meet her if you're stuck on a girl that finds you disgusting.
Author Noxe Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) The point is that I still love her and she told me that she tried really hard to see me as her boyfriend through those last months. She tried to tell me that she loves me etc but without success. I felt like the relationship was choking her. She isn't with the other guy physically. I was with her in LDR and now she is with him in LDR and to be honest I don't know if they will even meet. She said she doesn't even know him that much. She doesn't know if she is happy but she confirmed that she has a crush on him. We are talking right now and she seems to be happy but I don't really know if it's something I should do if I want to win her back. I completely understand the fact how I'm being treated but she is really a wonderful person deep inside. She has mental issues but I would still like to win her back if possible. I'm very strong mentally but I don't know if talking to her is a better choice or no contact and hoping that she will miss me and understand her mistakes. Edit: She told me that she wants to write with me because she wants things to be how they were before the drama started and that she got into her current short relationship because she felt very lonely. Edited June 27, 2017 by Noxe
JJNY Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Dude, run! Run fast and hard. Dude, it hurts like hell now. But I PROMISE you that there is a girl out there for you. There is a girl that would like to go on a date with you. A girl that likes that you can make her laugh. That likes the attention you give her. And she's going to be with you because there's no other place that she would rather be at that moment. This girl isn't it. My grandfather once told me that if you treat the right girl with kindness, love and respect then she's going to give that back to you and A LOT MORE!!! You gave this girl kindness, love and respect and she gave you the shaft. I took a screenshot of this on my phone. Thanks Chi Town, these are truly words to live by. OP, you need to listen here. We both do. If you gave it your all, which it sounds like you did, and she doesn't appreciate it, then she wasn't the right one. The right one is out there. Cut off the effort now or you'll drive yourself insane.
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