Sire1986 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Back again, Here is the story.. my roommate who is a lesbian(I'm a guy)was messing with this chick, they had like a 3 week fling. Everytime this girl would come over me and her would just click. We got along great when we were all hanging out. So one day my roommate came home and said that it was over and that she would never be coming back over. The whole time I felt there was a connection between us, so I asked my roommate if I could get her number and text her. The cool chick my roommate is gave it to me. So I began texting her, for the next 3 days things were amazing... we went out to eat, she came over we watched a movie and cuddled. The following day my work took everyone out to a bar and I invited her.. we got hammered and she came home with me that night and we had sex. The next morning she left, and I didn't see her for about a week.. she flaked on a few plans we had made multiple times. So I basically tried to call it off saying "obviously your not interested anymore" she asked to see me and we hung out again. Another week later we see each other again and I can tell there is tension. So we went out for drinks and that's when she dropped the bomb on me. She feels that I want a relationship (I did catch feelings) and she just wants to be friends with benefits. She even made a comment about giving me a birthday BJ.. but here's the catch she doesn't wanna be exclusive and she wants to be able to see and sleep with other guys/girls. She even told me that she slept with another guy during the time we hung out. So bottom line, she wants to hang out like once or twice a week, have sex "occasionally" and be friends. But when we aren't hanging out, I'm supposed to just ignore her kinda thing and let her sleep around. I don't know what to do, on one hand I care for her and love hanging out. On the other hand I think it would be cool to have a FWB cause I've never had one. But I don't know if I'm mentally capapable to not give a ****. Sometimes when we hang out she is texting and snapping ppl and I get slightly jealous in my head. Do I lose her number before this gets out of hand, do I just say screw it and have fun? Idk... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 If you do FWB with someone you have feelings for, you're going to get hurt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) Do I lose her number before this gets out of hand, do I just say screw it and have fun? Idk... Depends on how well you can control your attachment, and be non-jealous. Also, whether you have plenty of options... can you get other girls to date easily enough? If I were in your place I'd hit it hard for awhile if the sex is outstanding, realizing that it's never going to be more... but if you can't do that without falling head over heels then don't. Did you ask your roommate why it's over between them? My guess is because the les in question is not reliable and is sleeping with several different people every week... maybe even every day. Edited June 27, 2017 by salparadise 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I'd fwb all the way ! No money no commitment no dates ! But the other posters are right, if you can't gang don't Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 If you are catching feelings then don't put yourself through this. She has been very upfront. Do not bank on her changing her mind due to your "awesomeness". Many make that mistake and end up very hurt and upset. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sire1986 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) I think it might be best to potentially break things off. There is also a large age gap between us and I think it's showing somewhat. For example, I saw her last night to watch a movie, and we just hung out as friends no cuddling or anything and for like the first hour during the movie she was texting non stop and I tried to pay no attention to it. Then when I try to leave for the night she gives me a hug and starts kissing on my neck and shoulders.. I almost feel like she knows that's what I want and does JUST enough to keep me interested. I almost feel like she doesn't want to have sex but is messing with my head just to keep me around. My only problem is we currently both have time off to go to on a trip together, we had previously set it up and she still says she wants to go but I'm starting to think it's a bad idea.. I know I'm going to have a blast with her on this trip but I feel like it will be a waste of money/time cause when we get back it's back to square one. Currently I'm not texting her at all and I don't plan on it for a few days she did tell me last night "I have plans tues,wed,thurs,fri,Sat" I was like "oh sweet guess I'll see you sunday" and she said "ill text you sat and let you know" I'm starting to think I'm legit friendzoned. Edited June 27, 2017 by Sire1986 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Nah man. Even friends don't sit there texting all through a movie. You're when-I-don't-have-anything-better zoned. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sire1986 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Yeah I'm kinda feeling that vibe too. That comment kinda hit home. Ty Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Sometimes when we hang out she is texting and snapping ppl and I get slightly jealous in my head. This right here was the thing that made me say, "Nope, this won't work." If you're prone to jealousy, I don't think you'll ever be okay with just being FWBs while she's also seeing other people. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 You deserve better. Way better. That last text about letting you know on Sat was BS. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 "I'm so popular I have plans on abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. But you can have what the dog left. Maybe." Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 "I'm so popular I have plans on abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. But you can have what the dog left. Maybe." OK but as just a FWB he cannot expect her to ditch plans for him. He is NOT her bf, she made that perfectly plain, so being a FWB, it is an arrangement primarily for sex and for "filling in" time, nothing more nothing less. He doesn't get to be peeved if she doesn't drop everything for him or flakes as he is just a FWB, other relationships necessarily are more important. He was not even a real friend, just some guy she hooked up with. If that is not what he wants, he needs to tell her it is not working for him and end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Sometimes when we hang out she is texting and snapping ppl and I get slightly jealous no cuddling or anything and for like the first hour during the movie she was texting non stop and I tried to pay no attention to it. Then when I try to leave for the night she gives me a hug and starts kissing on my neck and shoulders.. I almost feel like she knows that's what I want and does JUST enough to keep me interested. I almost feel like she doesn't want to have sex but is messing with my head just to keep me around. I was like "oh sweet guess I'll see you sunday" and she said "ill text you sat and let you know" I think the two of you are fundamentally incompatible, even for FWB. You have reasonable expectations with regard to arranging time and having her attention while together, but you are sensitive and care way too much. She knows it, takes advantage of it, but doesn't give a flip how she makes you feel. This is all about her. She's selfish, uncaring and self absorbed. She won't even give you her attention for a couple of hours while you're together! Non-stop texting instead of interacting with you, and you know she's texting people she's phukking... then you start to leave and she switches modes momentarily and reels you in. You're out numbered and out gunned. She is going to destroy your self-esteem if you're not careful. What you really want is a girlfriend, which you know she'll never be, but you're hanging in there for the possibility of getting laid occasionally. My guess is that she's going to keep tossing you crumbs but no pussy. If you can't figure out how to use her as a phuk toy, get out. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 If you're not capable of letting her be free, then you must let her go. FWB means she's free to do what she wants. If you want her to act like she's in a committed relationship with you (when she has clearly told you she doesn't want that), you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sire1986 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 If you're not capable of letting her be free, then you must let her go. FWB means she's free to do what she wants. If you want her to act like she's in a committed relationship with you (when she has clearly told you she doesn't want that), you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's not that I'm not cool with her being free, it's that I'm not okay with being plan Z. When everyone else is busy I'm the option? In regards to the texting, when I'm with someone wether it's family or a friend I only text if it's important. It's more of a respect thing In my eyes. If your hanging out with me.. then hang out with me.. why did I bother to come over if your gonna be on your phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 So it's clear you can't handle this Turn the tables and put her as plan Z as well Link to post Share on other sites
rainrhonda Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 You two aren't on the same page. That never ends well. Obviously if you want to keep spending time with her, you have to be okay with what she is saying... And your not. So if you try to be okay or pretend to be, that will make it all harder for you. She would be getting everything she wants while you're not. Ask yourself if you can live with that. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Back again, But I don't know if I'm mentally capapable to not give a ****. Sometimes when we hang out she is texting and snapping ppl and I get slightly jealous in my head. Do I lose her number before this gets out of hand, do I just say screw it and have fun? Idk... If you are getting jealous, you are not in a FWB arrangement; although she clearly is. I've done the FWB thing, and he got jealous because I was talking to a male friend. I ended it on the spot. Jealousy has no place in a FWB arrangement. You've already mentioned you "caught the feels", so it is doubtful that a strictly FWB arrangement with her would end well; especially for you. While there is always a chance it could work out, the odds are definitely not in your favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sire1986 Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) Update: Just an update on what's going on. I saw her Monday night as you already know, tues rolled around and I didn't text her at all. Wed hit and she texted me in the morning, it was very brief and basically ended with me saying "hope your day is going well" she replied "yours too" and I never replied back. Now on to thurs and I'm not gonna text her, I've spoken to some co workers who met her that night and they all think going on this trip is a terrible idea. So that's where I'm currently at, trying to decide if I should go.. she claims she is excited and wants to go but idk if it's a good idea. I make way more money then she does and ultimately I would be fronting most of the money for this trip (approx 1200$) which is not a big deal, money to me isn't happiness. One coworker brought up a good point he said your going on this trip to have fun and have sex with this girl which is basically costing you 1200$ when she is giving it for free to other people. So that had me thinking that maybe this isn't a good idea. Edited June 29, 2017 by Sire1986 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 So that had me thinking that maybe this isn't a good idea. Really?? It was apparent that none of this was good idea in your original post. Link to post Share on other sites
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