Should I tell my ex who I am living with that I'm dating? He dumped me last month.

[sunsout]

I'm 26, still living with my ex who's the same age. He dumped me after 7 years of dating, he doesn't know that I know he cheated before the breakup (they didn't sleep or kiss, but held hands, etc.) They still text (i snooped; we are living together for another month.)

 

He broke up with me and I'm sure it was Grass is Greener Syndrome. It came out of the blue - He told me he didn't see a future & could see me with other men, & that he looks forward to dating.

 

He came home drunk yesterday saying he has not been with other women, and doesn't want me to think that's why we broke up, he's just not happy inside and it kills him to give me up for the chance that theres something better out there for him. He told me he loves me, wants to remain friends, that he's not sure if our breakup might be a regret in his life. Sometimes he wants to be with me and sometimes he doesn't. He almost cried, said it's hard for him to be around me and he has had tears at work thinking of me.

 

He told me if i start dating he'd want to know.

 

I accepted a guy's invite to take me out for drinks; I'm sure he just wants to get in my pants but part of me wants to see what it's like to go get drinks with a guy. Part of me wants to my ex that I am dating and mentioning it "just out of courtesy." I would hope he'd be messed up like i was after the breakup. I'm not sure how he'd react.

 

I loved him so much for 7 years, & want to meet new guys to help me get over my heartache. Also wonder if it would prompt him to think about & regret the breakup? Am I wrong for thinking this way?

[Arieswoman]

sunsout,

Please finish one relationship before you start another.

 

You need to move out of the place you share with your ex and get your own place.

 

I loved him so much for 7 years, & want to meet new guys to help me get over my heartache.

 

That just using people - don't do it.

 

Also wonder if it would prompt him to think about & regret the breakup?

 

Who knows? If you're broken up, you're broken up. End of.

 

Am I wrong for thinking this way?

 

Yes.

 

Using other people to further your own agenda is unfair.

 

You need to accept that it's over and move on.

 

I'm sorry x

[d0nnivain]

Untangle your living situation before you start dating.

 

I'd say as little as possible to him about anything. Wrap up your business together & move on

[Blanco]

I agree with the two above posters, even though discussions like this always make me think of my personal experiences with this. I know a few women whose go-to way of getting over a breakup is to immediately find another guy. This results in a casual thing that sputters out in a few months, but most of the time, it seems like they get a new two or three year relationship out of this method.

[spiderowl]

There seem to be two separate issues here:

 

You are living with your ex and still emotionally involved with him. Are you able to mentally bond with someone else? This is near-on impossible unless you have mentally detached from your ex and it is hard to see how this could be the case if he dumped you and you are still living with him.

 

You are free to see someone else. Your ex dumped you: he has no rights to claim you as his girlfriend or stop you seeing someone else - unless he could kick you out of the place if he owns/rents it on behalf of you both.

 

You don't have to tell him anything. You could, so that he is not blind-sided by it, but he must understand that he can't dump you and expect you not to date anyone else. From the sound of it though, both are you are still in a pseudo relationship and need to separate for real. There is a risk you will mess another guy about if you are still emotionally 'bound' to your ex.