D-Lish Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Sorry guys, this may be a little long. I'm dealing with a really, really shy guy. I don't know how to read him from one day to the next. One day I'm positive he's into me, and the next I'm equally positive he's not. Keep in mind- I'm incredibly shy with people I'm attracted to- but otherwise, I'm very animated and outgoing. To give some background- we work together. He's pretty shy and quiet with everyone, he'll talk to some of the guys- but he doesn't talk to any of the girls at work. I felt initially that he was glancing at me but wasn't sure, then it became more obvious. I'd walk by and he'd turn red, grin ear to ear, and look down. Sometimes he'd look like a deer caught in the headlights when we ran into one another, I could tell he was going out of his way to be near me. I found myself starting to think about him more and more. We started texting because he reached out to me on social media (which surprised me) and we started texting. Texting was good, he said flattering and nice things to me, he asked to meet up, he said everything on text that he couldn't say in person. First problem- I had to cancel the first time. The cancel was completely legitimate and I offered a reschedule, but he distanced himself a little after that until our conversations fizzled out. I can't be sure, but I think he saw the cancel as a rejection. We kept texting, but he was hot and cold and I was doing all the initiating trying to reschedule and eventually gave up. I'd been on vacation when he reached out to me on social media- so I hadn't seen him over the 2 weeks we were chatting- and to make things more awkward- we'd never had an in person conversation before he reached out to me on social media. I came back from vacation believing he'd changed his mind about meeting and had reconciled with that. My first day back he went out of his way to avoid me. It was almost comical how he'd see me, look startled, then turn around. I didn't know what to make of that behavior - I was thinking "this guy hates me- he totally wants to avoid me". I decided to text him after our shift to clear things up. I didn't want things to be weird and I told him so. To my surprise, he asked if I was still interested in going on a date with him. I said yes, we chatted all night and things seemed great. The next day at work, he approached me and said hello and we had a brief exchange- our FIRST time ever speaking in person. The rest of that day and into the next, he went out of his way to pass by and smile and say hello. This went on into the second day... However, he wasn't texting me and I felt like I was misreading his signals and he was just jerking me around. I think this is where I made my second mistake (or not, I don't know). I was feeling very confused as to whether he was into me or not- so I didn't make eye contact the next day and he reacted to that by going back to avoiding me. I must say again- that this guy is as shy as they come- and I cannot for the life of me figure out his mixed signals. He blushes and turns red like a tomato when he sees me and he's always looking at me. He's never approached a girl at work and said hello other than me- and it's been noticed by co-workers who are surprised that they see him interacting with me. So my question is- is he interested but scared to pull the trigger? I'm obviously reacting to my own insecurities. At the same time I tried to reschedule 3 times since the initial cancel and he's avoided setting up a meeting time. I did so because I know how shy he is. I don't understand- his body language says he's smitten in person but I'm sick of initiating the contact since I cancelled that first time. Any thoughts?
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Very few guys are truly shy. He reached out to you on social media and was able to talk to you at work, so I doubt it's general shyness. Does her have some sort of hang-up or confidence issues? Yeah probably. Some guys don't know how to interact with women, as they are foreign to them. He may look at you and have no idea what the next step would be. Unfortunately that means that you would have to drive this if you want a chance of it going anywhere. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Just from my experience, don't waste your time. Guys like this will wear you down to the point of it being unpleasant because of how frustrating it is. You want a man to be a man, and to interact with you appropriately...not go hid in his snail shell because he's got some confidence anxiety issues. It sure can get weird at times, and its will be enough to drive you crazy. 1
carhill Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 How old is he, generally? Is he much younger than you? I tend to agree with Smackie9, having been a bit like him in my 20's. Too tedious to deal with. However, since it's work, just let it lie and see what happens. Maybe a reset is possible, presuming you find him otherwise attractive. Other men will be around and perhaps one of them will push him into the background. I recall learning a lot of lessons from men who were successful with women and who cleaned my clock in the mating game. Harsh but valuable lessons for a 20-something shy guy. It worked. 2
Els Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Most of the guys I've been in relationships with were guys whom other people would call "shy". When they were interested in me, though, they certainly made the effort to try and get me to date them. If I had offered a scheduled date (I didn't, because they asked me first), I am pretty certain they would've accepted! You have tried to reschedule THREE times with this guy and he has declined. I'd pass, personally. Even in the best case scenario that he IS actually interested but so very cripplingly shy that he cannot even accept an invite that was given 3 times... I don't see a good future for the relationship. 3
Author D-Lish Posted June 28, 2017 Author Posted June 28, 2017 Most of the guys I've been in relationships with were guys whom other people would call "shy". When they were interested in me, though, they certainly made the effort to try and get me to date them. If I had offered a scheduled date (I didn't, because they asked me first), I am pretty certain they would've accepted! You have tried to reschedule THREE times with this guy and he has declined. I'd pass, personally. Even in the best case scenario that he IS actually interested but so very cripplingly shy that he cannot even accept an invite that was given 3 times... I don't see a good future for the relationship. I agree with you. I thought about it a lot today and just decided it's not worth it for me to pursue. His behavior isn't worth trying to figure out. He's either too scared to pull the trigger, or he's become unsure, or perhaps he's seen something in me that he doesn't like and has decided not to pursue things romantically. Regardless, it doesn't bode well for me. I have no time or inclination to chase after anyone who can't put in a real effort. I've dated shy guys before, but never anyone to this degree. We worked together today and he just stared at me from afar. Every time I looked up he was looking at me, then would quickly look away. I walked past him in the back of the warehouse where he was alone and he got all flustered and started moving his pump truck around in circles. I can't crack a guy like this, that's the conclusion I've come to. Thanks! 2
Author D-Lish Posted June 28, 2017 Author Posted June 28, 2017 How old is he, generally? Is he much younger than you? I tend to agree with Smackie9, having been a bit like him in my 20's. Too tedious to deal with. However, since it's work, just let it lie and see what happens. Maybe a reset is possible, presuming you find him otherwise attractive. Other men will be around and perhaps one of them will push him into the background. I recall learning a lot of lessons from men who were successful with women and who cleaned my clock in the mating game. Harsh but valuable lessons for a 20-something shy guy. It worked. Yes, he's quite a bit younger- 11 years. It could be an intimidation thing, not sure. I'm friendly and outgoing and get a lot of male attention at work. When you're a big crew that works straight afternoons- your work friends become your social friends- because no one else is awake when you finish work! The thing is, I'm not attracted to anyone else at work but him, nor have I dated someone from work in ages. Guys stop to talk to me all day long- not sure if that's something that's caused him to step back. Regardless, I'm taking your advice and just going to remain friendly. As I said, I've offered to reschedule our date 3 times. That's enough of me putting myself out there to get rejected. If I text him, he responds, If I don't text him, he doesn't initiate. Regardless of recognizing the obvious body language he displays when he's in my presence - he's not at the point to follow through, so that's it for me. A shy guy can be exhausting- and it's not good for the ego to keep putting yourself on the line and get nowhere. I mean, every time I look up, he's looking at me- but he can't follow through. Very confusing. I'm going to just put this one to rest.
scooby-philly Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Ok - let's get this out of the way. You've already answered the first and most important question - is his behavior something you're willing to accept. Not try to fix - but accept - and then work with him to improve. You said no. So good for you! For future reference there's a lot of differences between someone that's shy vs someone that's awkward vs someone that has social or other relational issues. In this case the guy has displayed all three traits. But remember there's nothing to say that the next guy you like that's shy will be awkward or have social/emotional issues. Hopefully you won't have to work with him much.
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I'm sure he's keeps beating himself up in his head everyday......his loss, too bad so sad.
Recommended Posts