Jeweliamj Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I moved into my own studio apartment in early January. My boyfriend would come over every single night, he spent just about every night with me. That lasted about one month. In February, his sister and her boyfriend (also his best friend) who had been living at his house, moved out into their own house. Until after they had moved out, I hadn't spent the night at his house since December because we got into a fight and I was "forbidden" at his house. Once they were gone he started spending less and less at my house, and we spent most nights at his house. Since I was "allowed" to be there again and wouldn't upset his bitchy sister, it seemed like. He pretty much never comes over at all anymore unless I literally ask him to, and he won't come over until late at night (like 10-11pm and he gets up for work now at 5:30am). I was upset last week and told him I don't get why he can't come over earlier, spend a few hours with me, and then we go to sleep. He even asked to move in a few times when I got my place at first, now I laugh that he ever said that, because he seems to hate my place. I live with two cats who he does like, I have "entertainment" here, but I ALWAYS go to his house to see him. He can't take the 10 minute walk to my house ever anymore. I've had so many plans to just stay at home and see how long it takes for him to miss me and come over, but I usually cave and go over to his house. I thought relationships were about compromises, but he can't ever give me the leisure to stay home for the night and HE can come spend time with me. Wondering if he's starting to love me less. I'd say we are pretty serious though it's only been a year, he talks about marrying me and whatnot. I feel he constantly chooses hanging with his brother at home or going to his sister's, but can't take one single night ever for me. I've expressed to him I don't feel like a priority, important, and a last resort when he's bored and there's no one else. Nothing changes. I'm incredibly hurt lately and empty and feel I care way for him than he does for me, and I put in ALL of the effort for this relationship. I don't see us ever living together for real if apparently being home with me is boring. So idk if it's my apartment or it's me and that's why he won't come here. He has told me he doesn't hate my place but I really don't believe him and he pretty much refuses to communicate. I don't want to go to seeing him 1 night a week if I stopped going to his house and had to come to mine..... I just miss him being here with me and feeling wanted, I don't feel that way at all anymore.
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I don't know what happened between you and his sister but it sounds like it broke something for him as things changed from there. Maybe he sees you under a different light and his feelings are fading away. If you want to know what he's made of than just stop inviting him over. Let him show you what he's made of. Don't break down and call him, when you do that it's because you are too afraid to know the truth. So, stop inviting him over, and let him show you how much he does not care, then break up. 2
basil67 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 So you've been with this guy for a year and for six months of that he won't come to your house. Sounds to me like you've been with him for five months too long. 2
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Is your home clean? Uncleanliness is one thing that would stop me from going to a woman's house. 2
Author Jeweliamj Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Is your home clean? Uncleanliness is one thing that would stop me from going to a woman's house. I'm a neat freak, so it's always clean. If anything I think his room in his house is gross, he never ever cleans it and it bothers me. He isn't good on hygiene at all either. I don't know what happened between you and his sister but it sounds like it broke something for him as things changed from there. Maybe he sees you under a different light and his feelings are fading away. If you want to know what he's made of than just stop inviting him over. Let him show you what he's made of. Don't break down and call him, when you do that it's because you are too afraid to know the truth. So, stop inviting him over, and let him show you how much he does not care, then break up. Ehh, he doesn't think good of his sister at all for many reasons. Yeah, I need to stop asking, I'm starting to feel pathetic. he never makes an offer himself to come over.
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Ehh, he doesn't think good of his sister at all for many reasons. Be careful here. Siblings have a connection that you should not dismiss even if they hit heads often. If your boyfriend changed since you and his sister had a thing, you can't ignore it. No matter what he says about her. 3
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I'm a neat freak, so it's always clean. If anything I think his room in his house is gross, he never ever cleans it and it bothers me. He isn't good on hygiene at all either. In that case, he may be doing you a favor. You don't need to accept poor treatment from a nasty dude. 3
Author Jeweliamj Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 In that case, he may be doing you a favor. You don't need to accept poor treatment from a nasty dude. I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ...
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... Am i l reading this right? He showers once a week?? Geez...time to lose this guy!!! Eww!!! 4
amaysngrace Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 He sounds gross. No wonder why you'd rather stay at home. I would too. 1
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... Sounds like it's time to let this one go. I refuse to allow myself to be mistreated. I'd rather be alone. This guy sounds like he doesn't love himself, much less you. At this point, I think you'd be better off alone. Take some time to regroup, then move on with your life. Life is too short to settle for piss poor relationships. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... This is just plain unhygienic. Why are you still with a person like this? 2
Chardonnay Renée Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 What redeeming qualities does this guy have? He'd want to have plenty that you haven't mentioned, otherwise I just cannot fathom why you would stay with him.
guest569 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 What did he respond with when you raised this issue with him? How long ago did you first raise the issue? Is the once a week shower the norm? Does he have any other selfish behaviours? I agree with stop going to his place, and no late night visits from him either. Let him initiate and organise stuff. It sounds a bit one sided and unfair on you.
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Stop running after him, stop going to his house and see if he starts running after you. If he doesn't, then you know exactly where you stand. Do not put up with stuff that falls below your standards. He has a messy house and poor personal hygiene and selfishly expects you to keep coming over to him. He needs to clean up his act and start appreciating you. If he doesn't want to to do that, then you have dodged a bullet. BTW any guy that "forbids" you to come to his house, needs binned right away. You should have told him that was unacceptable and dumped him then. Do not be a doormat. 1
Bastile Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... You should keep smelly people out of your place anyway Maybe find a different boyfriend who doesn't make you go through several cans of Febreeze. Edited June 27, 2017 by Bastile 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... No, no... Think about the times you two have had sex and he hasn't been clean. I mean, 'clean.' Ugh. Why?!?! 1
kendahke Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) I moved into my own studio apartment in early January. My boyfriend would come over every single night, he spent just about every night with me. That lasted about one month. In February, his sister and her boyfriend (also his best friend) who had been living at his house, moved out into their own house. Until after they had moved out, I hadn't spent the night at his house since December because we got into a fight and I was "forbidden" at his house. Once they were gone he started spending less and less at my house, and we spent most nights at his house. Since I was "allowed" to be there again and wouldn't upset his bitchy sister, it seemed like. He pretty much never comes over at all anymore unless I literally ask him to, and he won't come over until late at night (like 10-11pm and he gets up for work now at 5:30am). I was upset last week and told him I don't get why he can't come over earlier, spend a few hours with me, and then we go to sleep. He even asked to move in a few times when I got my place at first, now I laugh that he ever said that, because he seems to hate my place. I live with two cats who he does like, I have "entertainment" here, but I ALWAYS go to his house to see him. He can't take the 10 minute walk to my house ever anymore. I've had so many plans to just stay at home and see how long it takes for him to miss me and come over, but I usually cave and go over to his house. I thought relationships were about compromises, but he can't ever give me the leisure to stay home for the night and HE can come spend time with me. Wondering if he's starting to love me less. I'd say we are pretty serious though it's only been a year, he talks about marrying me and whatnot. I feel he constantly chooses hanging with his brother at home or going to his sister's, but can't take one single night ever for me. I've expressed to him I don't feel like a priority, important, and a last resort when he's bored and there's no one else. Nothing changes. I'm incredibly hurt lately and empty and feel I care way for him than he does for me, and I put in ALL of the effort for this relationship. I don't see us ever living together for real if apparently being home with me is boring. So idk if it's my apartment or it's me and that's why he won't come here. He has told me he doesn't hate my place but I really don't believe him and he pretty much refuses to communicate. I don't want to go to seeing him 1 night a week if I stopped going to his house and had to come to mine..... I just miss him being here with me and feeling wanted, I don't feel that way at all anymore. I think he's telling you without saying to you that he's done. It seems, from what you've said, that he tolerated being with you at your place as long as his sister was his roommate, but now that she's gone, he doesn't have to pretend to like being at your place anymore. If you need to feel wanted and included, then you need to drop him off somewhere and go find a guy who doesn't mind coming to your place. Given what you said about his level of hygiene, then I'd say that he feels uncomfortable in a sanitized environment and would rather be with his flora and fauna. That is an issue of incompatibility there. Edited June 27, 2017 by kendahke 2
GunslingerRoland Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Do you guys actually go out at all? What do you do at his house all the time? Sounds like a very boring relationship for young people to have. Honestly my thought reading this whole thread is that it probably has nothing to do with your house or his house, he might just be the world's laziest person. I mean how much effort does it take to have a daily shower?
Zahara Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Relationship is over. He's giving you a hint but you're clinging to him. Good grief how have you stayed with a man for 1.5 years who showers once a week. OP, you need to aim higher and have better standards for yourself. Stop chasing this clown. 5
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 You never plan to marry someone when you don't get along with their family members. Marriage is a package deal. 5
RecentChange Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I mean showering once a week is disgusting and I say a lot "uh go take a shower". Feels embarrassing having a 23 year old boyfriend who needs his girlfriend to nag at him to stay clean ... Omg, and if you are a clean freak....how!? Why!? Hah, I find myself telling my husband to go take a shower, and he already showers once a day! But I like squeaky clean when it comes to sex (I shower 1-2 times a day). Girl, that's enough to send him packing. Showing up crusty is inconsiderate and lazy. 1
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