Charmed22 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I met a guy online and things moved quick with him. We went on our first date 2 weeks ago and seen each other almost everyday since. He made it clear from the start that he was interested in a relationship with me and was very respectful when it came to physical boundaries. We had sex 4 days ago and he asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. First time I came over his place I noticed it was decorated for a college apartment shared by 2 men. The living room has patterned curtains, a decorative rug and wall art, his bedroom has anime posters when he dosent strike me as an anime guy, bed had a grey comforter and a pink flowered quilt. I asked him about the quilt immediately and he told me his ex used to live with him and he never got rid of the stuff. The next time I came over I noticed the kitchen had a female apron and some pink spatulas. He was on the phone in the bedroom and I decided to do some snooping right in front of him. He didn't attempt to stop me or tell me not to touch anything. I ended up finding a female work ID (to the same place he works) and some necklaces and bracelets in a jewelry box on his desk. I asked him about it and he said they all belong to that ex. I asked why he still had the stuff and he said she never came back for it. The last time I was at his place I found a necklace on his bathroom counter and decided to peak in his closet and found female clothes, shoes, and purses. I decided to Facebook the name I found on the work ID and found her profile. she has pictures of only herself taken in that bedroom. The most recent being the beginning of May. She is also is a huge fan of anime and everything in that room is more consistent with her than him. It looks like that is her apartment more than his except the roommate is a guy and the complex they live in is a dorm room type complex that dosent usual put coeds together like that. I didnt bring up the Facebook snooping but I asked him again about her. He said they were fwb that lived together and tried a relationship out. The last time they saw each other was in March and they spoke in April. I told him upfront that It looks like a girl lives there and I am bothered by that and it will become an issue if he dosent get the stuff out. He said okay, he didnt even try to argue. The thing I'm not understanding is he is an attractive guy and we had sex once, why would he push so hard for me to be gf if he already has one? If its sex, he already got what he wanted. Its easier to hide hookups than a full blown girlfriend. Why invite me over to his place with all that girl stuff in open sight? I also told him I'm the type of girlfriend who can be nosy with items and will make impromptu visits? He dosent freak out when I grab his phone or look at any of his stuff. He doesn't get pissed when I post photos of us together online or anything like that he even allowed me to take a pic of us together laying down on his bed. We have also spent just about everyday together at no set schedule. He acts like he has nothing to hide when everything around him shows otherwise. I don't get it?..
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Some people are just THAT lazy. If he gets rid of the stuff because you lit a fire under his ass, then it would be obvious he is just frickin lazy. Maybe he kept the stuff thinking she would come back....since they were on again off again f buddies. If it were me, I would cut off any sexual contact until he clears out that stuff. Remember you have only been dating for 2 weeks.....he needs to get his act together. 4
Versacehottie Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Maybe she went home for the summer (to her parents or home country)? Or he is extremely lazy or holding out hope for the relationship. Put a little distance and keep your eyes on her FB for a little bit. If you don't get the answers you need pretty soon though......
Miss Peach Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Sounds to me like he has a GF. I wonder if she's on a business trip or visiting family or something. 1
rushed Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 My ex-boyfriend moved out over a year ago. Yet I still haven't gotten rid of his amp, there's probably a few of his other things laying around my apartment that just blur in with everything else, and he still gets some mail at my place. We're not together. I've just been too lazy to do a full clean sweep of all his stuff. If your boyfriend doesn't freak out when you grab his phone or openly snoop around his apartment I don't think you have to worry that he is still with her.
vintageluna Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I know a lot of people think that holding on to stuff is a sign of some sort of emotional attachment or whatever but some people really are just lazy. I once dated a guy who kept pictures of him and his ex on his fb profile and when I confronted him about it he said he had posted so many pictures since then and just never got around to deleting them (he deleted them without argument right after I asked him about them). If he acts like he has nothing to hide, he most likely doesn't.
mortensorchid Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 It sounds like he's not getting rid of the things around the house that she had brought in. My next question would be to go through his phone or email or whatnot and find out if their relationship is what he said it was (over). But I am not a fan of doing things like that, you'll end up being a crazy woman. It does not seem right ... And if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger.
darkmoon Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 throw the stuff out - see if he tries to stop you - I do not think he will, but just do it, if he objects or panics, then suspect him, ask him why he is reacting so
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I once went out with a guy who had similar female items around his house. Turns out his girlfriend worked away from town every other week, and he was very much not single. It's very odd to me that this girl never came to retrieve even her work ID, and that he never thought to give it to her, considering they work together. I don't know OP, I think you need to proceed with caution. You barely know this guy and already are his girlfriend. Slow it down and see how this unfolds.
Author Charmed22 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) My ex-boyfriend moved out over a year ago. Yet I still haven't gotten rid of his amp, there's probably a few of his other things laying around my apartment that just blur in with everything else, and he still gets some mail at my place. We're not together. I've just been too lazy to do a full clean sweep of all his stuff. If your boyfriend doesn't freak out when you grab his phone or openly snoop around his apartment I don't think you have to worry that he is still with her. I understand and I'm sure there is some stuff lying around that my ex left behind as well. However this dudes apartment screams chick living there. The living room has yellow decorative curtains, a matching rug, fuzzy pillows. The kitchen has her cooking apron, pink spatulas. The car had a hair brush, makeup, chic sunglasses and a dream catcher on the mirror. The bathroom had a turquoise rug and matching shower curtain, two tooth brushes, a necklace on the bathroom counter, and some bath and body works soap. In the bedroom there are paintings that she painted hanging on the wall, canvases and paint when he said he dosent paint. Her jewelry is there, and the closet is full of female clothes shoes and purses. Including one shirt she is wearing in her fb profile photo taken in april. If it wasn't for the male roommate I would think thats her apartment and he is living with her. I don't understand why bring me in that apartment and allow me to snoop with all that stuff? Edited June 27, 2017 by Charmed22
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Like I said he prob thought she was coming back because they had a FWB arrangement. You only been dating for two weeks, so obviously he is moving on in a short time but he's a dumb dumb....maybe he thinks you might like some of the stuff lol I know a guy that would do such a thing. You already told him to get rid of this stuff, so the proof is if he will do it. IMO you should cut him off until he does. Explain to him this is not right and you feel like you should run.
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I understand and I'm sure there is some stuff lying around that my ex left behind as well. However this dudes apartment screams chick living there. The living room has yellow decorative curtains, a matching rug, fuzzy pillows. The kitchen has her cooking apron, pink spatulas. The car had a hair brush, makeup, chic sunglasses and a dream catcher on the mirror. The bathroom had a turquoise rug and matching shower curtain, two tooth brushes, a necklace on the bathroom counter, and some bath and body works soap. In the bedroom there are paintings that she painted hanging on the wall, canvases and paint when he said he dosent paint. Her jewelry is there, and the closet is full of female clothes shoes and purses. Including one shirt she is wearing in her fb profile photo taken in april. If it wasn't for the male roommate I would think thats her apartment and he is living with her. I don't understand why bring me in that apartment and allow me to snoop with all that stuff? He is probably not dating her anymore BUT they split up so recently that he is still living surrounded by her things. It's so recent he didn't have time to go around and get rid of her things. What does that tell you? it should tell you to not date this man. I would never in a million year date a man that split from his ex 3 months ago. It has not been long enough and you have the proof in his apartment. 2
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 If I were in your shoes I would just simply run and don't look back. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Come on now! Her work ID and all her stuff is there! My guess is she's out of town for a while, and he has no qualms about brazenly cheating left and right on her. Words only have as much value as the character of the person uttering them. Telling you he wants you to be his girlfriend when he's taking you to his girlfriend's place? Worthless! You met him two weeks ago! Unless you like drama, go find someone else. He isn't the only man on the planet. You can do better than this. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I met a guy online and things moved quick with him. We went on our first date 2 weeks ago and seen each other almost everyday since. He made it clear from the start that he was interested in a relationship with me and was very respectful when it came to physical boundaries. We had sex 4 days ago and he asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. First time I came over his place I noticed it was decorated for a college apartment shared by 2 men. The living room has patterned curtains, a decorative rug and wall art, his bedroom has anime posters when he dosent strike me as an anime guy, bed had a grey comforter and a pink flowered quilt. I asked him about the quilt immediately and he told me his ex used to live with him and he never got rid of the stuff. The next time I came over I noticed the kitchen had a female apron and some pink spatulas. He was on the phone in the bedroom and I decided to do some snooping right in front of him. He didn't attempt to stop me or tell me not to touch anything. I ended up finding a female work ID (to the same place he works) and some necklaces and bracelets in a jewelry box on his desk. I asked him about it and he said they all belong to that ex. I asked why he still had the stuff and he said she never came back for it. The last time I was at his place I found a necklace on his bathroom counter and decided to peak in his closet and found female clothes, shoes, and purses. I decided to Facebook the name I found on the work ID and found her profile. she has pictures of only herself taken in that bedroom. The most recent being the beginning of May. She is also is a huge fan of anime and everything in that room is more consistent with her than him. It looks like that is her apartment more than his except the roommate is a guy and the complex they live in is a dorm room type complex that dosent usual put coeds together like that. I didnt bring up the Facebook snooping but I asked him again about her. He said they were fwb that lived together and tried a relationship out. The last time they saw each other was in March and they spoke in April. I told him upfront that It looks like a girl lives there and I am bothered by that and it will become an issue if he dosent get the stuff out. He said okay, he didnt even try to argue. The thing I'm not understanding is he is an attractive guy and we had sex once, why would he push so hard for me to be gf if he already has one? If its sex, he already got what he wanted. Its easier to hide hookups than a full blown girlfriend. Why invite me over to his place with all that girl stuff in open sight? I also told him I'm the type of girlfriend who can be nosy with items and will make impromptu visits? He dosent freak out when I grab his phone or look at any of his stuff. He doesn't get pissed when I post photos of us together online or anything like that he even allowed me to take a pic of us together laying down on his bed. We have also spent just about everyday together at no set schedule. He acts like he has nothing to hide when everything around him shows otherwise. I don't get it?.. why would he push so hard for me to be gf if he already has one? -- Because he wants his cake and eat it too, because he doesn't mind cheating on women, because he can . . . 2
Author Charmed22 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 If I were in your shoes I would just simply run and don't look back. I wasn't sure how to handle it. I already told him that it bothered me and it will become an issue soon. He said okay. I will wait till I come over next time and see if anything is boxed up or if the process has started. If not I will let him know that I cannot date him until he lets the stuff go and to give me a call when he does. On Sunday I told him that it clearly looks like a girl is living there. I said if thats not the case, the stuff is not an over the top issue since the relationship is new, but it will become an issue soon and I don't like seeing the stuff. So I expressed a concern I will give him about a week to address that concern. If he doesn't then I will end it.
kendahke Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I decided to Facebook the name I found on the work ID and found her profile. she has pictures of only herself taken in that bedroom. The most recent being the beginning of May. The last time they saw each other was in March and they spoke in April. Now you're in a double bind: you've been snooping and creeping her facebook and found something, but you're afraid to tell him what you found out, but he's been lying to you this whole time about her. So I suppose you have figure out if you can stomach sleeping with a liar. I'm sorry, but a work ID, necklace on the sink, clothes in a closet, decor in her taste means she's living there. Who broke up with whom? If he broke up with her, then it would stand to reason that he would have boxed up her stuff and either sent it to her or threw it out, not keep it waiting on her to come get it--especially if they saw each other in March and talked to one another in April. Any reason why he didn't give her her stuff back in March when he saw her? Why is he leaving that up to her? If she broke up with him, then it would stand to reason that he's not emotionally done with her and is hoping she returns. Neither scenario are good for you. I think you need to tell him that you looked her up on facebook and found a picture in May of her standing in his place---if for no other reason that you need to deal with this liar. Nevermind the stuff you found--he's been lying to you about her not being there since March. Then you should walk out and keep walking. 2
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I wasn't sure how to handle it. I already told him that it bothered me and it will become an issue soon. He said okay. I will wait till I come over next time and see if anything is boxed up or if the process has started. If not I will let him know that I cannot date him until he lets the stuff go and to give me a call when he does. On Sunday I told him that it clearly looks like a girl is living there. I said if thats not the case, the stuff is not an over the top issue since the relationship is new, but it will become an issue soon and I don't like seeing the stuff. So I expressed a concern I will give him about a week to address that concern. If he doesn't then I will end it. Two weeks dating, it's not worth all this drama, just leave him. Why would a woman stick around all this after only 2 weeks dating? 1
Author Charmed22 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Now you're in a double bind: you've been snooping and creeping her facebook and found something, but you're afraid to tell him what you found out, but he's been lying to you this whole time about her. So I suppose you have figure out if you can stomach sleeping with a liar. I'm sorry, but a work ID, necklace on the sink, clothes in a closet, decor in her taste means she's living there. Who broke up with whom? If he broke up with her, then it would stand to reason that he would have boxed up her stuff and either sent it to her or threw it out, not keep it waiting on her to come get it--especially if they saw each other in March and talked to one another in April. Any reason why he didn't give her her stuff back in March when he saw her? Why is he leaving that up to her? If she broke up with him, then it would stand to reason that he's not emotionally done with her and is hoping she returns. Neither scenario are good for you. I think you need to tell him that you looked her up on facebook and found a picture in May of her standing in his place---if for no other reason that you need to deal with this liar. Nevermind the stuff you found--he's been lying to you about her not being there since March. Then you should walk out and keep walking. Everything I asked him about had an excuse. So the reason why the living room is decorated is because his roommates mom is the one who decorated the stuff. Apparently his ex no longer works with him and thats an old ID, the stuff in his car is his sisters, the stuff in his room is stuff that his ex hasn't gotten back from him. I havent asked him about the Facebook photo or the stuff in the closet.
kendahke Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 . I havent asked him about the Facebook photo. This is the issue--the lying. As I said, the rest of what you found pales in comparison. Like Gaeta said, for 2 weeks of dating, this is just too extra. 1
central Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 When I met my wife, she was still sharing a house with her ex-bf. He didn't move out for almost a year, when their lease was up. Since he didn't mind me staying over, etc., it was clear they were done. Your situation is a little different, because you don't have confirmation that she's really gone and their relationship is over. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Something just doesn't add up. I don't expect him to have the curtains changed, or even go out and buy new bedding and everything, but people don't just move out and leave their work id, their jewellery and their clothes. Either she is coming back at some point, or he killed her and buried her in the forest. You've only been dating 2 weeks, you can't just go through there and start throwing stuff out, but I do think you need to say, if your other girlfriend moves out you can give me a call, until then this is too weird. That is if you really want to give him a second chance since he's clearly lied to you saying he hasn't seen her since March and you've seen pictures of her in the apartment as recent as May. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Everything I asked him about had an excuse. So the reason why the living room is decorated is because his roommates mom is the one who decorated the stuff. Apparently his ex no longer works with him and thats an old ID, the stuff in his car is his sisters, the stuff in his room is stuff that his ex hasn't gotten back from him. I havent asked him about the Facebook photo or the stuff in the closet. If you walked into the bathroom and saw used tampons in the trash with her name embossed on them, I'm sure he would have an excuse for that too. So his roommate's mom is a huge fan of anime??? What does your intuition tell you? The little bits that you've tried to verify have proven to be outright lies (e.g. she hasn't been there since March, but there are photos from May of her in the bedroom). You've known the guy two weeks! What you know of him in that minimal timeframe has proven him a liar! Why would you insist on sticking around? Pink spatulas are cute and all. But if you must cook with them, go buy your own at Target and find your own guy to cook with. Throw this lying catfish back in the swamp. 1
Author Charmed22 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 I have never had to break up with someone lol. This is a dumb question but how do I go about ending this? Should I call him out on his lies? Should I bring up the Facebook snooping? Should I let her know that he is bringing other girls in her apartment? I have proof (pics of both of us in his room) 1
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I have never had to break up with someone lol. This is a dumb question but how do I go about ending this? Should I call him out on his lies? Should I bring up the Facebook snooping? Should I let her know that he is bringing other girls in her apartment? I have proof (pics of both of us in his room) Why the drama? Stephen, it's been fun but I don't think you and I it's gonna work out! I wish you the best and good luck. Withdraw with grace. 3
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