BluSpark Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I am not an ugly guy at all or so I am told. I meet a decent amount of women at bars, restaurants, the gym, etc. I seem to choke on the second date. That is, very hard to get beyond a 2nd date. I do live in a very competitive city (L.A.) where women have all kinds of offers or suitors. A female co-worker of mine once told me: "you are one of the most chill people I have ever met." Translation: I am pretty even keel when you first meet me. I definitely have strong opinions about life, politics, religion, etc. but I think the way my father raised me was to be nice and polite with people, esp. when you are just getting to know them. I think I am just a HORRIBLE "general" conversationalist (i.e, the polite topics we are supposed to stick to when first meeting someone). I get bored at work luncheons with co-workers. Politics, philosophy, world affairs and religion are fascinating topics and I am passionate about those things. But the weather, sports, the latest new movie, etc. All that stuff is boring to me. I always make a point to ask the lady about herself and her life. Still, I crash and burn so often. I've seen really goofy/nerdy guys and even creepy guys who are just fantastic conversationalists. They can make the most mundane things seem interesting. Wish I had that skill. How can I break this mold? Take an upper before my next date or take some stand up comedy lessons?
amaysngrace Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Get a pet and feng shui your house for better energy
RecentChange Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 You don't have to be a comedian, but maybe look into good ol' story telling. I count myself grateful that my dad is a great story teller. He could always get a group to gather at a party etc to hear the interesting and often funny tale he had to tell. I have picked up a bit on that, and I am able to relay stories about excited, or funny, or even humiliating things that have happened in my life. Of course it's not all talking, it's interacting with your "audience" be that your date, or a crowd at a party.
SammySammy Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 You do have that skill. It's just the things you want to talk about are controversial and not good topics for social interaction. You can choose to be sociable without having to talk about religion and politics. Nobody wants wants to debate and argue with you when they are trying to have fun. Stop pouting and being apathetic - labeling yourself a "bore" - just because people want to have pleasant conversations. It's an excuse and doesn't serve you or anyone else. 1
tetrahedral Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I think your problem is at least partly in your own head. You say you're so horrible, but you're still getting dates. That's not to say you can't improve on your social skills (we all can) but keep the problem in perspective. If you have good friends and you get dates... you're doing something right. You're already ahead of most who ask for advice on this forum. Anyway, I bet the standup lesson would be interesting to you. Not because you have to be funnier for people. But standup is all about delivery. And since you seem fixated on content in conversations, I wonder how much thought you've ever given to how you say things, rather than what you say.
Author BluSpark Posted June 26, 2017 Author Posted June 26, 2017 I think your problem is at least partly in your own head. You say you're so horrible, but you're still getting dates. That's not to say you can't improve on your social skills (we all can) but keep the problem in perspective. If you have good friends and you get dates... you're doing something right. You're already ahead of most who ask for advice on this forum. Anyway, I bet the standup lesson would be interesting to you. Not because you have to be funnier for people. But standup is all about delivery. And since you seem fixated on content in conversations, I wonder how much thought you've ever given to how you say things, rather than what you say. Very good point about the delivery. Yeah, delivery is key. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=CG Omega][sIZE=3]I have a good friend who is a bitoverweight but is a superb conversationalist especially with women. He has toldme he finds me quite entertaining but that is because we go way back, have ahistory together and I don’t feel I need to hold back with him.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=CG Omega][sIZE=3]On a first or second date I am a bit guarded and I thinkthat can throw people off. I think if I just have a few drinks before andloosen up it might help. I am always polite and try to inquire about my date’slife. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author BluSpark Posted June 26, 2017 Author Posted June 26, 2017 Very good point about the delivery. Yeah, delivery is key. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=CG Omega][sIZE=3]I have a good friend who is a bitoverweight but is a superb conversationalist especially with women. He has toldme he finds me quite entertaining but that is because we go way back, have ahistory together and I don’t feel I need to hold back with him.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=CG Omega][sIZE=3]On a first or second date I am a bit guarded and I thinkthat can throw people off. I think if I just have a few drinks before andloosen up it might help. I am always polite and try to inquire about my date’slife. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][/sIZE][/FONT] My post got all garbled up. Here is my reply: Very good point about the delivery. Yeah, delivery is key. I have a good friend who is a bit overweight but is a superb conversationalist especially with women. He has told me he finds me quite entertaining but that is because we go way back, have ahistory together and I don't have to hold back. I should have a few drinks before each date to loosen up a bit. I am always polite and ask about my date's life.
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