Hung up over my ex [26 M], do I confront him about cheating? Get over heartbreak?

[sunsout]

tldr: Hung up over ex, dated for 7 years. Started living together a few months ago in a new city (we don't have family or long term friends here). Found out he cheated on me right before breakup (didn't kiss or sleep together though) - do I confront him? How do I get over him? He's like a drug addiction to my heart.

 

He broke up with me out of the blue and I'm sure it was Grass is Greener Syndrome. He said he wants to be on his own, and that he can't be with anyone right now or be with anyone long term, and that dating other women might be a long term project.

 

He's been partying with coworkers before the breakup (I was never invited) and he started telling his friends a month earlier how he suddenly wants to party and doesn't see a future with me. He did cocaine and partied with coworkers before the breakup, and let his coworker snuggle with him, sit on his lap and hold his hand.

 

They text all the time and lightly flirt ( I saw all the messages ), but he told his friend when I snooped on a phone call from the hallway, "she's a s-l-u-t" and he won't "touch her." She's not even attractive.

 

He came home drunk a month after the breakup saying he has not been with any other women, and doesn't want me to think that's why we broke up, that he's just not happy inside and that I was a great girlfriend.

 

He told me he loves and cares about me, wants us to remain friends and that he's not sure yet if our breakup might be the biggest regret in his life.

 

Said he sometimes he wants to be with me and sometimes he feels he doesn't. He cried and listed qualities he likes about me, that it's hard for him to be around me and he has had tears in his eyes at work thinking of me.

 

Since his drunken episode, he doesn't say hi or try to talk to me every day like he used to. Between the breakup and his crying, he used to say hi every day or ask me if I needed anything.

 

We're like 2 strangers living together until we move in a few weeks.

 

I am so hung up on the relationship I find it hard to move on and am always heartbroken. I'm angry about the coworker and don't know if I should confront him when we finally part ways? I feel like I need to call him a pathetic loser because i'm so angry for him giving up on us... and for what, a good time and a 's-l-u-t?' She knew about me, too.

 

Any tips to help me move on? I really thought he was the one, we have the best memories and a cute past, he used to be so smitten with me.

 

I've been a mess for the past month (he thinks I've moved on because I don't show I'm miserable). Some days I'm so angry I cry, some days I feel like i'm dragging around a heavy heart and it hurts so bad. Nothing interests me and I've lost a lot of weight.

[Purepony]

Hi you need support and you said you have no family or friend there so do you plan to stay in that city ?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, OP.

 

My live-in ex of 7 years was unfaithful to me too, also with a coworker who very much knew we were a couple. I was shocked when it came to light, as I couldn't have imagined him behaving the way he did. I am sure there is plenty more I never discovered, and honestly, I don't think it would have made much difference. We were done. I too went through the anger and sadness you're feeling now; he also expressed guilt. It's normal, under the circumstances.

 

The healing process really began when we no longer lived together. Right now you still have to see him all the time, which compounds the pain. This will ease when you're not under the same roof. As for confrontation, well, I know how good it feels to get it off your chest! My only word of warning is that it likely won't do anything to change the break-up. He will probably deny the full extent of his infidelity and cry crocodile tears, but keep in mind those are guilt-fueled, not love-fueled. However, you might feel some release from being honest about how hurt you are. If that's your goal, it could be beneficial. If your goal is to get him to admit to it and beg for another chance, then you're probably not going to walk away from that feeling satisfied with his response.

[sunsout]

Hi you need support and you said you have no family or friend there so do you plan to stay in that city ?

 

Yes, I have a nice job and it would be too expensive to move back. I don't see myself living where I used to - there aren't many career opportunities in my field there and I was bored with life there. Friends were getting busy with families, kids and marriage.