lovewithoutboundary Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Hi every, I'm new here so please forgive me if I'm doing a bad job with this post. I've been dating my girlfriend for a long time now and we both know that we would like to get married and start a family after we graduate. However she's from a different religion that does not permit marriage to an outsider, whereas my parents are very 'conserved' to the point that they want to keep it within the culture, hence they disapprove of this relationship. What sort of advice would you be able to give me please, we're both madly in love and we can't think of a life without each other in it. Thank you
fred123 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Hi every, I'm new here so please forgive me if I'm doing a bad job with this post. I've been dating my girlfriend for a long time now and we both know that we would like to get married and start a family after we graduate. However she's from a different religion that does not permit marriage to an outsider, whereas my parents are very 'conserved' to the point that they want to keep it within the culture, hence they disapprove of this relationship. What sort of advice would you be able to give me please, we're both madly in love and we can't think of a life without each other in it. Thank you Can i ask what religion are u both? Did u discuss it with each other? Do parents know? More info jeeded
elaine567 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 However she's from a different religion that does not permit marriage to an outsider, So how do you think you are going to get over that hurdle then? I guess she is a Muslim, but I could be wrong.
coolheadal Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Hi every, I'm new here so please forgive me if I'm doing a bad job with this post. I've been dating my girlfriend for a long time now and we both know that we would like to get married and start a family after we graduate. However she's from a different religion that does not permit marriage to an outsider, whereas my parents are very 'conserved' to the point that they want to keep it within the culture, hence they disapprove of this relationship. What sort of advice would you be able to give me please, we're both madly in love and we can't think of a life without each other in it. Thank you You don't say your ages? But if your over 25 of age you both can do whatever you want. Go against the family wishes might lead to banishment! Sometimes you just have to wing-it and go with your hearts and be together. Family means well but it's your life you should respect more and so what you both want.
Author lovewithoutboundary Posted June 25, 2017 Author Posted June 25, 2017 Thank you for your replies, we're both going to be over the age of 25 soon and yes she's a muslim whereas I'm not. I really don't know how we're going to overcome this hurdle but I guess with time both our families will come to understand (wishful thinking)
fred123 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Thank you for your replies, we're both going to be over the age of 25 soon and yes she's a muslim whereas I'm not. I really don't know how we're going to overcome this hurdle but I guess with time both our families will come to understand (wishful thinking) Have they met each other families? What religion are you if i can ask
Erik30 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 If she's really close with her family, it's probably going to be a problem unless your willing to convert 1
WaitingForBardot Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 In my direct experience, dealing with ones families over cultural/religious differences is a surmountable problem, although sometimes it does mean estrangement. Assuming you are both strong enough to deal with that possibility, the real issue is how are you going to raise the kids. This is the real issue, often not surmountable, and even under the best of circumstances it will still take a toll on your relationship. Definitely a subject that needs to be discussed in some depth.
elaine567 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 It is often not just being a Muslim woman that may be the problem here, it is the cultural aspects of this that may make it difficult for her and her family. The influence of the "old country" can make a huge difference as to how "flexible" her parents can be. Speak to your gf, she should have a good idea as to how "moderate" her parents are and more importantly perhaps how "moderate" the community is. She will know if she is expected to have an arranged marriage or whether girls from her community have been ostracised and harassed for having non-Muslim relationships. All very well to hide away in a university bubble, but she will have to go back to the real world sometime. Seems to me that if given the stark choice between the university "love" and family, the family tends to win out eventually. Can you ever see yourself converting to Islam? What effect would that have on YOUR family? For 22 years, Mandy Sanghera has worked with women who have married out of their faith, and counseled their family members. Like Bond, she says transgressing women rejected by their families often withdraw from their faith, as they are unable to enter a mosque or interact with the community. Interfaith relationships have at times led to ostracism and violence against the couples, sometimes even resulting in forced marriages and honour killings. According to the UK constabulary, 2,823 honour crimes were reported to the police in 2010 and an estimated 10,000 forced marriages take place in Britain every year. Many women in interfaith relationships, says Sanghera, have been disowned by their families, who in turn are often shamed with hate mail, threats and assault. "They never overcome the shame element of what their neighbours and the community will think,” says Sanghera. “And their daughters become part of a witch-hunt, always looking over their shoulders for the rest of their lives." 1
wonder17 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 My boyfriend and I come from different cultures and religious backgrounds, however our families do not have a problem with that. I do have an older sibling, and she was dating outside our race and at first our parents did not like that at all. I think over time they accepted it, and thus my parents never had a problem with me dating outside my race since my sibling was the one who solved this problem in the first place. However, I do have a friend who's parents were not so understanding, and will under no circumstances allow her to date outside her race. Her and her boyfriend had to break up because they didnt want to end a relationship with their parents. You should both talk about if you would be okay if you no longer spoke to your parents, would you still get married if they did not come to the wedding? I know this is very important to a lot of people.
wonder17 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Thank you for your replies, we're both going to be over the age of 25 soon and yes she's a muslim whereas I'm not. I really don't know how we're going to overcome this hurdle but I guess with time both our families will come to understand (wishful thinking) I'm sorry to say, but I do not think parents of Islamic faith will ever come to understand this. Unless you would be willing to convert and practice being a Muslim. 2
kaseyh25 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Hi every, I'm new here so please forgive me if I'm doing a bad job with this post. I've been dating my girlfriend for a long time now and we both know that we would like to get married and start a family after we graduate. However she's from a different religion that does not permit marriage to an outsider, whereas my parents are very 'conserved' to the point that they want to keep it within the culture, hence they disapprove of this relationship. What sort of advice would you be able to give me please, we're both madly in love and we can't think of a life without each other in it. Thank you It took time but my best friend is Muslim and her parents both love her very Catholic boyfriend. They have been together for 5 years now and are planning to be married. I think the biggest thing for them is he participates in many of her cultural activities and she does the same for him. I think this went a long way in both families accepting the relationship and the cultural differences... Hope this helps
Author lovewithoutboundary Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 Hi everyone, Thank you so much for your replies, your replies mean a lot to me and haven me hope for our future. I'm a Christian, however unlike my family I'm not religious, so what religion our children in the future will follow is entirely up to them. Besides my parents, her parents do not know the nature of our relationship. And as strict evangelical christians, my parents are strongly against the idea but I'm hoping someday they will come to understand that love conquers all. Once again, thank you so much for your kind replies. I feel so much better having it off my chest and hearing your advices
Recommended Posts