Fishforbreakfast Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Have you ever dated someone for ages or even married someone you weren't in love with? And if so what kept you in there, fear of loneliness and do you regret the time wasted? I was listing to a show the other day and 50%marriages end in divorce and the 50% that don't only half are actually happy in the marriages. So only 25% of marriages are happy which the more I talk to ppl the more I can see this is true. do so many ppl stay when they arnt in love?? Why do people settle? I often feel miserable because I'm single but think ts better then being stuck in a relationship where I'm not the best me I can be. I just want to know how many ppl have ever settled ?
SammySammy Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Yes, I settled. Married because I felt obligated. Because she loved me so much and I wasn't sure I'd find someone who loved and cared for me like that again. In the end, it was a bad decision for both of us. One-sided love is not enough to sustain a relationship. Both of us would have been better off staying single at the time. I now believe any relationship requires mutual love, trust, respect, and acceptance at a bare minimum. Without that, I'm better off alone. 2
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted June 25, 2017 Author Posted June 25, 2017 Yes, I settled. Married because I felt obligated. Because she loved me so much and I wasn't sure I'd find someone who loved and cared for me like that again. In the end, it was a bad decision for both of us. One-sided love is not enough to sustain a relationship. Both of us would have been better off staying single at the time. I now believe any relationship requires mutual love, trust, respect, and acceptance at a bare minimum. Without that, I'm better off alone. Thanks for the reply! Oh really, so you asked her to marry you? Did it last long, I take you arnt together anymore? 1
CptInsano Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 So only 25% of marriages are happy which the more I talk to ppl the more I can see this is true. I find that most people are either happier or they are not, very often unrelated to their relationship status. I've seen marriages where both parties complained about each other, but knew they would be far more miserable apart. It's just too easy to blame your spouse for your unhappiness. 2
basil67 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 I didn't feel I was settling when I married. But we both changed and ended up incompatible.
Zul Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 I think a lot of reason that people stay in marriages they're not happy in is because they're either too scared to make a huge change in their life, or they feel like if they leave... It'll look bad on them. I wasn't married, but I dated a girl for 5 years. I guess looking back is I was more scared of being alone than anything. She was my first real relationship, and I wanted more than anything a companion and a buddy and she was it. But, after we broke up and I moved on; I realized that I could make it on my own, so I learned to cope without her. I guess a lot of it is scared of the unknown.
SammySammy Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Thanks for the reply! Oh really, so you asked her to marry you? Did it last long, I take you arnt together anymore? She asked me to marry her. I thought about it for a few days - a week or so. Weighed the pros and cons. The pros seemed to outweigh the cons though she wasn't my ideal choice. So, I did it. The marriage lasted two years. No, we are not together anymore. Haven't seen or spoken to her in many years.
Chilli Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 (edited) obviously the kids and their family is also a huge huge reason why people stay, leaving a marriage destroys and changes lives and the ones it hurts the most are the very ones we love the most , that only have us to look after them. and then there's things financially, a couple spend 20 or 30yrs building up , that's often gonna be smashed to pieces if they split. And then if your male , you could end up paying her way for the rest of your days , even if she screwed around on you. And then there's just trying to make it work. Marriages are hard , the kids and family and work and bills and mortgages and the your vows. my mum and dad stuck together because of their vows , and they went full circle and were doting on each other again by the time they got old, married 56yrs. marriage is a lot of cycles and some try to hope the good times return. And say a relationship , that can just go on until you have to decide, do we get married, well if they don't already know anyway. a lot of people say ok , better get married, lots of others must have been in love surely , but marriage is hard or for some reason the love dies later on. lots and lots of scenarios , it just can't be as cut and dry as the question of settling. Edited June 25, 2017 by Chilli
coolheadal Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Have you ever dated someone for ages or even married someone you weren't in love with? And if so what kept you in there, fear of loneliness and do you regret the time wasted? I was listing to a show the other day and 50%marriages end in divorce and the 50% that don't only half are actually happy in the marriages. So only 25% of marriages are happy which the more I talk to ppl the more I can see this is true. do so many ppl stay when they arnt in love?? Why do people settle? I often feel miserable because I'm single but think ts better then being stuck in a relationship where I'm not the best me I can be. I just want to know how many ppl have ever settled ? Once you marry you settle in and that's it right? Well today anything goes. I settled and what did I get a huge surprise in 2011. Today I am single and proud of it. I date but only the ones deem okay too. Today I just taking it easy so I guess I am settling to be single only instead of settling to be with the wrong person in a marriage. 1
fred123 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Once you marry you settle in and that's it right? Well today anything goes. I settled and what did I get a huge surprise in 2011. Today I am single and proud of it. I date but only the ones deem okay too. Today I just taking it easy so I guess I am settling to be single only instead of settling to be with the wrong person in a marriage. you never said about your story. would love to hear it
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