Guitarisgood Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 I've moved into temporary accommodation for 4 months while I am working out of state. I've developed feelings for my roommate but I'm trying to workout where I stand. When we're out, she is all chatty and doe eyed acting as if I'm her boyfriend. This is particularly when she has had a few to drink. She talks me up when she introduces me to her friends and talks about 'our' place like we're a couple. She gossips about me. Yet at home, she is a bit more distant. Unwilling to stay close to me for long periods of time except for when we had one point when I was massaging her and I could sense intimacy building until we had a knock on the door from a neighbour. The other night we were in the kitchen and she was on her phone to family mentioning how she was single as a pringle with no love interests at this moment but then mentioning how she has not time for guys at the moment. Obviously I have heard the old saying to not 'eat where you poop' but how I see it is I'm not here for long and don't have any repercussions if anything happens. So now I am not sure how to progress. Treat her like a slow burner while I keep my options open or just continue subtly flirting with her and take my chances if one ever opens up?
salparadise Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 What kind of feelings... is it only lust, or are you feeling romantically inclined? Do you see her as girlfriend material? It sounds like she's being flirty when it's safe, then putting up walls to avoid intimacy when you're alone. You need to get clear on what you want, then make a decision as to whether you'll pursue it or not. I'd say it's fine to pursue either casually or romantically. The only thing you shouldn't do is pretend to be interested in a relationship if you're not. You'll have to take a risk to break through her wall... but it's not really much of a risk. How would you feel if you go four months without doing anything and the window of opportunity closes forever? I did that too many times when I was young, and now I realize the real loss is in not taking the risk. 1
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Just try and smash her...why the hell not? You are only there for a few months anyways. Make use of the time you are there....you may as well be getting laid. 2
Author Guitarisgood Posted June 25, 2017 Author Posted June 25, 2017 Actually it'd be a bit of everything in that I actually do have feelings for her. But how do I break down those walls at home? And when do I make a move?
preraph Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 The same way everyone else does it: Ask her out on a date. A real date. "Would you like to go out for dinner and a movie Friday, you know, like a date?" 1
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Make dinner for her, then after desert and a bottle of wine offer her a massage. Boom/slam dunk.. 3
Maggie4 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 I was in a horrible position one time with a male roommate. He told me about his romantic intentions. After that it was like either I go along with it, or he walks out on the lease, or we live in awkwardness with him probably moving out sooner than later. There were no other options for me once he made that announcement which I felt was basically an ultimatum.
salparadise Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Just try and smash her...why the hell not? You are only there for a few months anyways. Make use of the time you are there....you may as well be getting laid. Make dinner for her, then after desert and a bottle of wine offer her a massage. Boom/slam dunk.. ^^ There ya go! The female perspective! Smackie has such a nice way of cutting through and getting to the point.
act00 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Normally when you start dating, you have time apart because you don't live together. You get a chance to know each other. If she were to pursue anything at home with you, it would be constant. You would be together as a couple, living together, marriage, and it's way too soon to have a 24/7 relationship, and if things don't work out, she's stuck, and you're stuck if you can't find other accommodations. There's a major level of stress and risk getting involved in this circumstance. In early dating, going to someone's home can and almost always leads to things happening. Maybe not all the way, but clothes have a habit of coming off, so what you're looking at is going from point A to point Z with nothing in the middle It sounds like there is an attraction, but she's also trying to maintain that friendship and division. If you were to fall into bed, it would be a constant requirement going forward, and the timing is not the best. There's no escape. There's no having two separate places where, if things don't work out, the one person just stops coming over. You will be going back to your home state after 4 months, correct? In which case, you're looking at LDR or a temporary "fling." Maybe she's not interested in either, which is why she keeps you at arm's length. I have no solution other than maybe talking with her about it. Maybe she'll be open to having a short-term relationship. Maybe you can map out some expectations, like she needs her alone time at home or something. Or just enjoy this spark and don't plan on anything.
Maggie4 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 If you don't know what to do, just ask yourself if you would do the same to a co-worker. People do have relationships with coworkers, when the feeling is mutual. When it is not, it's sexual harrassment. The roommate arrangement is basically a business deal. There is a contract even if it's verbal. She should be able to feel safe in her own home. Don't be that selfish roommate from hell just because you can walk away. I think you know this, that's why you are asking how you can find out if the feeling is mutual, before you go too far. She did some things in public that led you on, so I think she would probably date you but she won't move in with you. But you are already moved in, therein lies the problem.
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 These are the risks you take when getting an opposite sex roommate. It's not rocket science. If you want to avoid such a situation then don't have a male roommate.
Author Guitarisgood Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Update. We went on a trip together the other weekend and things have changed ever since. It was more a matter of convenience as I was travelling to place X and she was too. Here she even talked me up further to her bestfriend and I could overhear her gossiping about me. Since then she has let her walls down a bit. More closer and touching while we're say at the kitchen but the couch is still eluded. So side question; she has a surgery planned in a neighbouring town an hour out but she has no one around for support. I was thinking although it was an hrs drive, to surprise her post surgery? Or would that be too much?
salparadise Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) I have no solution other than maybe talking with her about it. Maybe she'll be open to having a short-term relationship. Maybe you can map out some expectations, like she needs her alone time at home or something. Or just enjoy this spark and don't plan on anything. Nah, get her drunk and give her that massage. Let nature take it's course. No, on the surgery part don't surprise her... ask Edited June 27, 2017 by salparadise
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 So side question; she has a surgery planned in a neighbouring town an hour out but she has no one around for support. I was thinking although it was an hrs drive, to surprise her post surgery? Or would that be too much? Offer to drive her to the hospital and pick her up afterwards if she is willing to let you. DO NOT "surprise" her after the surgery, she could be in agony or vomiting or feeling very out of sorts - not really the time to try and impress her.
Author Guitarisgood Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Nah, it's not a major significant surgery. It's a very minor procedure where there's no pain involved. Hence I was going pop my head in for support. I mean she is on her own here with no familial or friend support/ network. And I know. Most likely I'm going to read the signs and when the timing is right and if she shows it, I'll make my move.
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