What is up with these girls?

[smackie9]

If you don't get them in the sac within a few weeks, or at least some action, then drop them. After the first 2 flakes you should have dropped her. I don't care how you have feelings for her...think with your head....date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Getting breadcrumbs doesn't cut it.

 

The most effective way is to go NO CONTACT. BLOCK/DELETE, DO NOT RESPOND.

[fred123]

If you don't get them in the sac within a few weeks, or at least some action, then drop them. After the first 2 flakes you should have dropped her. I don't care how you have feelings for her...think with your head....date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Getting breadcrumbs doesn't cut it.

 

The most effective way is to go NO CONTACT. BLOCK/DELETE, DO NOT RESPOND.

 

So if you dont sleep with a girl in a few weeks move on?

Does that mean they aren interested?

Im confused about this advice

[Marshawn]

I would just casually slide out of contact. Basically if she contacts you and you are not feeling angry, feel free to respond. Don't make any plans, if she asks, politely decline and don't put a lot of effort into it.

 

 

Being angry and calling her out on anything will only make it worse. Anything that was actually her fault will be turned around on you to make you the bad guy. If you call her out and say you were disappointed because she flaked a bunch of times, she will respond with things like, "but you never made set plans", "I was waiting for a confirmation text", "I had to work late, you want me to lose my job?"...everything will be our fault.

 

 

That's how flakes operate, they kick up a lot of dust but skip around and none of the dust settles on them. In their mind, you could have discussed plans every day for 5 days straight, shelled out $300, made arrangements to get off work, confirmed with them the day of, and when they flaked A). It wasn't their fault. B). No matter how confirmed it was, they "weren't sure" it was still on. Therefor it is your fault they flaked.

 

 

Since you know you are angry, you know if you vent it will be pushed straight back to you as all your fault, the only real result you get from venting like that is you'll become even more angry at the original behavior and then how she throws it back to you.

 

 

In the end if you passively back out of contact with her, she will know fairly quickly that you are not showing any interest. That's the best you can hope for, she twists a little bit wondering why this guy that was wrapped around her finger stopped showing interest and fell off the hook.

 

 

That's true, I think I am going to follow through with your advice and just ignore the hell out of her. Girls who play games isn't worth the chase any ways. I should be looking for someone who values my time, and the affection i give them and not just use me for their own benefit.

[Marshawn]

So if you dont sleep with a girl in a few weeks move on?

Does that mean they aren interested?

Im confused about this advice

 

Me too man, that didn't really make any sense. All girls are not sluts and are not easy. Like 2pac says, I don't want it if it's that easy.

[act00]

For as much as you want to tell her off or even tell her how she hurt you, don't. It won't make it better. It could leave you feeling worse Just go NC. Don't respond if she texts or calls, though I do agree that if you're not mad and not at risk of blowing up, and if you would like to maintain communication, it's okay to respond, but don't invest much of your heart into it.

 

The best revenge is getting on with your life and being happy. It's too bad you couldn't get some time with her before deploying, but she's just not it.

 

One thing I wonder, though, is if she couldn't handle the idea of you going away and going into dangerous situations, and getting attached to someone who is leaving. While she handled it poorly, maybe her behavior is just fear.

[NuevoYorko]

Dang, that burns, sorry you're hurting ... but,

 

I think you misread the situation from the beginning. You only knew her for 2 months and you have multiple instances of her being on and off, flaking, etc from the very start. Maybe she was not leading you on - sounds more like this is just who she is and a relationship never really got off the ground.

 

I'm sure it feels worse because of your deployment, but that's also a valid reason for a woman to not move on a relationship with you at this time.

 

Don't take it personally and just be cool with the girl if she gets in touch. Let it go. You have much better ahead.

[Marshawn]

Dang, that burns, sorry you're hurting ... but,

 

I think you misread the situation from the beginning. You only knew her for 2 months and you have multiple instances of her being on and off, flaking, etc from the very start. Maybe she was not leading you on - sounds more like this is just who she is and a relationship never really got off the ground.

 

I'm sure it feels worse because of your deployment, but that's also a valid reason for a woman to not move on a relationship with you at this time.

 

Don't take it personally and just be cool with the girl if she gets in touch. Let it go. You have much better ahead.

 

I get that but it's funny to me bc she told me that she likes me a lot too and even went as far as telling me that she was going to wait for me. She even was legitimately sad that she thought that i was going to forget all about her once i deploy. I assured that she would be the first person i contact once i get back.

If your assumption is true, then why would she ignore me from Thursday til now? & she does this consistently, almost every weekend she will go MIA on me for no apparent reason. It's not that hard for her to call/text me for even 5 min to let me know that she's busy or something. I texted her Friday - no response. Called her Saturday night - no response. Called her again Sunday afternoon - no response. Which leads me to believe she is playing games.

If she does not contact me til my deployment, I should just let her go right? Dont even contact her after I come back?

[Marshawn]

One thing I wonder, though, is if she couldn't handle the idea of you going away and going into dangerous situations, and getting attached to someone who is leaving. While she handled it poorly, maybe her behavior is just fear.

 

Yeah but if she was scared then why couldn't she tell me? We talk about everything and it just does not make any sense to me at all. She just went MIA from Thursday til now, and now i'm thinking she may not even contact me at all. But if she does not then I shouldn't even contact her after I come back right?

[act00]

Yeah but if she was scared then why couldn't she tell me? We talk about everything and it just does not make any sense to me at all. She just went MIA from Thursday til now, and now i'm thinking she may not even contact me at all. But if she does not then I shouldn't even contact her after I come back right?

 

It's because people behave weird. They don't always handle stressful situations "the right way." A lot of this is subconscious, and how people react and behave isn't necessarily a conscious act. It's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around. I was in an abusive marriage, and when you read books and essays and bulletin board postings, we speak as if they are consciously making these choices, but they are not.

 

I have no idea if "your girl" is behaving in this way due to losing you or not. With the new information that you are deploying, it just crossed my mind.

 

Look, you can maintain friendly "friend" relations. You can contact her when you get home. Maybe she'll write you while you're away. Whatever you want to do, but maintain the idea in your head that she isn't girlfriend material right now and maybe never will be. Let her reach out to you at this point.

 

Friends are good to keep around. If she's causing you more heartache than joy, it's time to cut bait.

[preraph]

She's not necessarily a bad person, but it just sounds to me like she also wasn't ready for commitment at all and is just young and having fun in her life and not trying to settle down yet.

[Marshawn]

It's because people behave weird. They don't always handle stressful situations "the right way." A lot of this is subconscious, and how people react and behave isn't necessarily a conscious act. It's a very difficult concept to wrap your head around. I was in an abusive marriage, and when you read books and essays and bulletin board postings, we speak as if they are consciously making these choices, but they are not.

 

I have no idea if "your girl" is behaving in this way due to losing you or not. With the new information that you are deploying, it just crossed my mind.

 

Look, you can maintain friendly "friend" relations. You can contact her when you get home. Maybe she'll write you while you're away. Whatever you want to do, but maintain the idea in your head that she isn't girlfriend material right now and maybe never will be. Let her reach out to you at this point.

 

Friends are good to keep around. If she's causing you more heartache than joy, it's time to cut bait.

 

I like your answers. Thanks and I am sorry to hear about your past marriage. Must have sucked to be in that kind of situation.

I can't argue with your answer but for me, it is kind of different because if she truly liked me like she said she did, then it does not make sense as to why she couldn't take a day out of her busy life to come hang out with me after promising me multiple times that she would and then, of course busting a ghost on the day of. I always had to text her first to ask her if we we're still on for the date and then.. what do you know.. she would pop out with some excuse not to.

First excuse - she was sick (Completely understood)

Second excuse - She had a paper due that she forgot about (Okay..)

Third excuse - She was on her period.

Then i told her I won't even ask her anymore bc I did not want to pressure her until she had asked me.

Then she knew that we were suppose to hang out sometime this week as I am leaving for deployment next week and that is why i think I haven't heard from her since Thursday. Also, she knows that I've been trying to reach out to her via text/calls and she has the audacity to leave me hanging. So all that adds up for me to believe that she is playing with me.

Sucks bc I did like her a lot, obviously. But if she does not respect my feelings or value my time, then Idk if i should keep pursuing her.

[Miss Peach]

I don't tolerate it flakes at the beginning because I assume most people are on good behavior.

 

I went through a phase with my BF once things were established where he started flaking on me. I told him I didn't care if he made other plans but I did care he cancelled my plans (often last minute) and that I valued my time. I told him I also valued reliability and I felt like I wasn't a priority in his life anymore so if it continued he wouldn't be one in mine anymore. A few missed dates are all it took for him to realize what he had done and he came running back and it hasn't been an issue since.

 

I've had another guy who did similar on my about a month in but was pulling more of a slow fade. With him, when he reached out to me, I just sent him a text back that it wasn't a match but I enjoyed the time we spent together. I always try to be nice rather than angry because I want to be able to hold my head high if we run into each other again. I've run into a lot of exes even though I live in a large city. So it's always better than telling someone off IMO.

[Marshawn]

I don't tolerate it flakes at the beginning because I assume most people are on good behavior.

 

I went through a phase with my BF once things were established where he started flaking on me. I told him I didn't care if he made other plans but I did care he cancelled my plans (often last minute) and that I valued my time. I told him I also valued reliability and I felt like I wasn't a priority in his life anymore so if it continued he wouldn't be one in mine anymore. A few missed dates are all it took for him to realize what he had done and he came running back and it hasn't been an issue since.

 

I've had another guy who did similar on my about a month in but was pulling more of a slow fade. With him, when he reached out to me, I just sent him a text back that it wasn't a match but I enjoyed the time we spent together. I always try to be nice rather than angry because I want to be able to hold my head high if we run into each other again. I've run into a lot of exes even though I live in a large city. So it's always better than telling someone off IMO.

 

I feel you, it's just a shame when girls think they are all that and string us guys along for the ride without any intentions of reciprocating. Why cant girls just tell us up-front that they are not interested and thats that. This chick was on some BS from the very beginning and im mad at myself for even giving her the time of day when i should have known better.

[knabe]

Understand that I am not of this generation.

 

Here's what you do:

 

You shake her off, move on, and just let her and the memory of her slip away. You don't stomp. You don't confront. You don't analyze every interaction. You don't project it onto all women you meet like that angry Reddit crowd.

 

Every single person who has dated has been through this. It stinks. It's not the end of the world. I lived through it. People before me lived through it. This age of making a big production out of every rejection is relatively new. In decades past, "ghosting" didn't exist. People just lost interest and we all survived.

 

In other words, chill, chalk it up to experience, and move on.

[Marshawn]

What is up with girls and not being straight up with the person?

I know they like us to boost their egos but why play these silly immature games? I understand if you are in high school, but as an adult...Are you serious? It makes me not want to open up anymore as it will lead to disappointment. I played my cards right from the very beginning and still, they still find a way to play these sick games. Why?

[hercules22]

what sort of games? most of time they just like to test you out alot see if you are actually interested in them i dont think women will ever change when it comes to that in dating

[coolheadal]

What is up with girls and not being straight up with the person?

I know they like us to boost their egos but why play these silly immature games? I understand if you are in high school, but as an adult...Are you serious? It makes me not want to open up anymore as it will lead to disappointment. I played my cards right from the very beginning and still, they still find a way to play these sick games. Why?

 

Then you play games back to them.. Be confident show them you mean business! You as man don't play these silly games. No matter what you do you'll run into these girls. Just learn to deal or drop them like flies..