What is up with these girls?

[Marshawn]

To clarify, I am 25 yrs old and this girl that I am talking to is 24 so we're not at the high school phase as we are both grown adults.

That being said, this issue is sort of complicating and very frustrating to me. I like this girl a lot and have met her in one of my classes at school. Got her number and have been texting/calling each other almost every day. To me, it is pretty damn obvious that she likes me a lot just as much as I like her. I told her up-front that I am crazy about her and she had told me that she likes me too. We talk about everything.

 

The other day, we talked for 1.5 hours on the phone and she had told me that she has trust issues with guys who she gets close with because they always turn out to be fake and were only in it to get inside her pants. Completely understood as I have trust issues as well bc in my last relationship of 4 years, my ex cheated on me with my best friend at the time. & just to point out, she is a really bad texter but i feel like sometimes, she is just playing these head games with me.

 

She would sometimes not reply to my texts, and when i call her, she would not pick up. Funny because i always make time for her and whenever she calls me, i always pick up. Ironic because she is over there telling me she has trust issue but at the same time, i feel like she is doing the same thing to me as what other guys has done to her in the past. I had to give out a speech in class yday, and she had told me "Good luck baby, call me when you get out", and that was at 2PM,

 

i called her 3 times after i got out at 3PM and texted her twice but until today, she still hasnt returned any of my text/calls. Is she playing games? So last night around 11PM, i texted her "I give up, you always ignore my texts, you don't even have time to text me? This is what i mean by you giving me mixed signals and i dont have time to play games."

 

What do you guys/girls think i should do? I am the type to be straight up with any person as i have been straight up with her. Is she playing games or??

Also, she has flaked on me multiple times but i even told her if she was just a random girl, i would have already cut her off. So i told her im going to take a step back and not ask her anymore until she asks me bc i dont want to pressure her into anything.

I am not needy as i know when to back off, but if she does not reply or call me back then i am forsure going to cut my losses and move the f*** on.

Edited June 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[BaileyB]

Well, I am a girl and I have no idea what she is doing either. If the guy I was dating did the same thing to me, I'd be pretty frustrated too.

 

I think all you can do is tell her what you expect, and if she doesn't become more consistent with her communication/follow-through with dates, then walk away.

[preraph]

Maybe she's not anywhere that she can or wants to talk on the phone because she's at work or busy with friends or at dinner with someone or at the movie.

 

Also, if she has begun to feel you are just checking up on her, maybe this is her way of saying, Oh, no, you are not.

[basil67]

"I give up, you always ignore my texts, you don't even have time to text me? This is what i mean by you giving me mixed signals and i dont have time to play games."

 

What do you guys/girls think i should do?

 

I understand your frustration with her actions. However, the text you sent her was a breakup text, so I'm not sure there's anything you can do now. If a guy sent that to me, I'd probably either a) not respond to him ever again b) wish him a nice life or c) tell him to * off.

 

If you have an issue to discuss, you need to have a conversation - not send an exaggerated accusation and say you're giving up. (it's not true that she "always" ignores your texts).

 

If she chooses to speak to you rather than simply walk away, she is likely to come back with fists figuratively raised. You are going to have to start with apologising for your poor way of dealing with an issue and work to defuse the situation you created.

 

Should you find yourself in this situation again, hold off on texting. Instead, when you see her next in person, you say something like "when you say you're going to call but it doesn't happen, I feel X and Y.". She won't feel attacked, will be more likely to listen to your concerns and therefore make some changes.

[Bastile]

What games? She's just not interested.

 

Women can't string you on. You're stringing yourself along. Just escalate, and she either complies or not.

 

It really is that simple.

Edited June 10, 2017 by Bastile

[Erik30]

You're calling and texting her way too much. I know she told you to give her a call, but you should've stopped after she didn't pick up the first time. Now she might be thinking you're too needy.

 

It also seems like she's treating you the same way those other guys treated her in the past. Now she's doing it to a guy (you) who actually is showing interest in her. I guess that also might mean she's not that into you as much as she was into them

Edited June 11, 2017 by Erik30

[Marshawn]

I understand your frustration with her actions. However, the text you sent her was a breakup text, so I'm not sure there's anything you can do now. If a guy sent that to me, I'd probably either a) not respond to him ever again b) wish him a nice life or c) tell him to * off.

 

If you have an issue to discuss, you need to have a conversation - not send an exaggerated accusation and say you're giving up. (it's not true that she "always" ignores your texts).

 

If she chooses to speak to you rather than simply walk away, she is likely to come back with fists figuratively raised. You are going to have to start with apologising for your poor way of dealing with an issue and work to defuse the situation you created.

 

Should you find yourself in this situation again, hold off on texting. Instead, when you see her next in person, you say something like "when you say you're going to call but it doesn't happen, I feel X and Y.". She won't feel attacked, will be more likely to listen to your concerns and therefore make some changes.

 

I get it, but unfortunately i have already talk to her about that many times and she would always tell me that she is not ignoring me. Whatevers though it's her lost.

[basil67]

I get it, but unfortunately i have already talk to her about that many times and she would always tell me that she is not ignoring me. Whatevers though it's her lost.

 

In that case, you should have already dumped her long ago. You've sent the breakup text already, so just block her now.

[Marshawn]

In that case, you should have already dumped her long ago. You've sent the breakup text already, so just block her now.

 

You keep saying that was a breakup text, but we're not even together? I was just speaking my mind and telling it like how it is.

[Bastile]

You keep saying that was a breakup text, but we're not even together? I was just speaking my mind and telling it like how it is.

 

Her point is that you just went nuclear.

 

Why not just lower your investment in her, and increase it in some other women instead?

 

She's not your girlfriend, so I'm not sure why you are acting like she is.

[Marshawn]

Her point is that you just went nuclear.

 

Why not just lower your investment in her, and increase it in some other women instead?

 

She's not your girlfriend, so I'm not sure why you are acting like she is.

 

You are right, I messed up because i was just accusing her of ignoring me. I texted her again (Idc if she replies), "Damn my bad (name) about last night I shouldn't have said that, I was buzzing lol and my bad for always bugging you but I'll leave you alone from now on:( I guess i just like you too much and I'm not afraid to admit that. My emotions just got the best of me."

 

**Fyi, i dont bug her, she calls me way more than i do but i just said that to let her know i wont text/call her anymore.

[Sweetfish]

You are right, I messed up because i was just accusing her of ignoring me. I texted her again (Idc if she replies), "Damn my bad (name) about last night I shouldn't have said that, I was buzzing lol and my bad for always bugging you but I'll leave you alone from now on:( I guess i just like you too much and I'm not afraid to admit that. My emotions just got the best of me."

 

**Fyi, i dont bug her, she calls me way more than i do but i just said that to let her know i wont text/call her anymore.

 

 

Why dont you just walk. Is it that hard? People who play hard to get usually are not worth the ground they walk on once you get it.

 

You need to read the red flags... she is with guys and they dont stay... maybe she is the problem.. not the guys.

 

Stop being deseperate for the V.

[Marshawn]

Why dont you just walk. Is it that hard? People who play hard to get usually are not worth the ground they walk on once you get it.

 

You need to read the red flags... she is with guys and they dont stay... maybe she is the problem.. not the guys.

 

Stop being deseperate for the V.

 

Nah it's all good, I'm not desperate. I already know i can get other girls I'm not worried one bit. I did like her though bc she does not drink, party, very ambitious, and ofc very attractive. But, now I can be happy to move on after sending that text. I just sent that text so it can make me feel a little more at ease.

[ChatroomHero]

The biggest 2 things I see is it sounds like you contacted her too much. Call her or text her, don't call her 2-3 times and text her when she doesn't respond right away.

 

The second thing is you taught her it was OK to treat you like that. Hell, you told her anyone else and you would have already bolted. You changed who you are to allow her to continue treating you like that. She flakes once, she should have been near the end of her leash with you. If she blows you off and shows low interest in responding, treat her like you would a mechanic that never returned your calls and kept your car for 5 weeks...you take your business elsewhere. If you just take it, the mechanic will keep blowing you off and never start to work on your car.

 

People will show you the respect you demand, if you demand it. Because if not, they won't be in your life to not respect you. You never demanded respect so she never gave it. It's not a game if you refuse to play it in the first place.

[coolheadal]

To clarify, I am 25 yrs old and this girl that I am talking to is 24 so we're not at the high school phase as we are both grown adults.

That being said, this issue is sort of complicating and very frustrating to me. I like this girl a lot and have met her in one of my classes at school. Got her number and have been texting/calling each other almost every day. To me, it is pretty damn obvious that she likes me a lot just as much as I like her. I told her up-front that I am crazy about her and she had told me that she likes me too. We talk about everything.

 

The other day, we talked for 1.5 hours on the phone and she had told me that she has trust issues with guys who she gets close with because they always turn out to be fake and were only in it to get inside her pants. Completely understood as I have trust issues as well bc in my last relationship of 4 years, my ex cheated on me with my best friend at the time. & just to point out, she is a really bad texter but i feel like sometimes, she is just playing these head games with me.

 

She would sometimes not reply to my texts, and when i call her, she would not pick up. Funny because i always make time for her and whenever she calls me, i always pick up. Ironic because she is over there telling me she has trust issue but at the same time, i feel like she is doing the same thing to me as what other guys has done to her in the past. I had to give out a speech in class yday, and she had told me "Good luck baby, call me when you get out", and that was at 2PM,

 

i called her 3 times after i got out at 3PM and texted her twice but until today, she still hasnt returned any of my text/calls. Is she playing games? So last night around 11PM, i texted her "I give up, you always ignore my texts, you don't even have time to text me? This is what i mean by you giving me mixed signals and i dont have time to play games."

 

What do you guys/girls think i should do? I am the type to be straight up with any person as i have been straight up with her. Is she playing games or??

Also, she has flaked on me multiple times but i even told her if she was just a random girl, i would have already cut her off. So i told her im going to take a step back and not ask her anymore until she asks me bc i dont want to pressure her into anything.

I am not needy as i know when to back off, but if she does not reply or call me back then i am forsure going to cut my losses and move the f*** on.

 

Let me ask you a question man to man? WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SETTLING ON HER FOR!

 

Do not text and do not call. And if she does finally get to you just don't answer it right away. Wait a couple of hours. Or best let her call you a second time. Then you might answer it or not. Do not text her back either. She's playing her upper hand on you, and your showing weakness by text and phone calls. Stop doing that grown some and get your act together.

 

I must warn you though sounds like she has other men beside you so, you need to move on if this text and phone calls are not coming in like it did.

She could have lost interest or she's not really into you 100%. Listen they need to be into you as much as you are with them. Your 100% if she's 10% into you seem the picture now.. Keep us posted here on your results if you want to settle with this one that's what your doing...

[phineas]

What games? She's just not interested.

 

Women can't string you on. You're stringing yourself along. Just escalate, and she either complies or not.

 

It really is that simple.

 

yep.

doesn't get any simpler than this.

[d0nnivain]

From what you posted I was going to say that you are chasing too hard & reaching out too much but then you said she contacts you more then you contact her. Given the fact that I think you already contact her too much, short of being continuously connected, I'm not sure when you two have time to do anything else but you are complaining that she doesn't get back to fast enough.

 

 

Seriously, how much is enough in your world?

 

 

I agree after she sent you the good luck on your speech text she should have anticipated that you would get back to her when class was over & she should have responded to that.

 

 

 

 

You keep saying that was a breakup text, but we're not even together? I was just speaking my mind and telling it like how it is.

 

 

This is the part I really don't understand. As much as you are in touch, you're not a couple? If you are smothering each other before dating, what does dating involve -- setting surgically attached?

 

 

Maybe that is the problem. She has trust issues. She wanted you to make things official. Have you ever discussed her expectations? In the absence of what she views as a commitment maybe this was her way of asserting defiance & independence. She may have been playing a game to see if you were willing to work for it.

 

 

Overall I think you placed too much reliance on texting. You would have been better off with less frequent contact in better quality -- in person.

[OatsAndHall]

These points will come across as blunt but they are not accusations..

 

1. I understand your frustrations with text messaging. It takes all of thirty seconds to respond to a text message so I don't buy into the "I've been busy" line. I don't expect a full conversation via text when I try to fire one off but I too get irritated when I don't get responses for days. With that being said, if she doesn't respond, she doesn't respond. Don't bombard her with texts if she doesn't respond in a few hours as that spook her away. Take a couple of deep breathes, realize the ball is in her court and move on with your day. Maybe shoot her an "Just checking to see if you're alright" text if she doesn't respond in a few days. But, that is a stretch for me.

 

2. Phone calls are a different story. There are many times when people simply cannot pick up the phone. Calling repeatedly is a sure way to drive a woman off. I dated a gal once that called me continually while I was working out one day and didn't have my phone. It really made me edgy and it was one of the reasons why I called it off with her.

 

3. It seems like you are angry about the whole situation which isn't doing you any good. It sounds like things are done with you and this woman so I would just cut off contact and move on. And, in the future, chill out when it comes to communication. If a woman seems like she is pulling away, ask her about it politely and tactfully but don't text and call repeatedly. If the behavior continues, just walk away from the whole thing. You will just get more frustrated and reactive and that's not good for your mental health and it won't serve a purpose in the end. I would just go NC and write it off.

 

In my opinion, this could be a good situation to learn from. If you think a woman is playing games remember that it takes two to participate and tap out.

[Marshawn]

These points will come across as blunt but they are not accusations..

 

1. I understand your frustrations with text messaging. It takes all of thirty seconds to respond to a text message so I don't buy into the "I've been busy" line. I don't expect a full conversation via text when I try to fire one off but I too get irritated when I don't get responses for days. With that being said, if she doesn't respond, she doesn't respond. Don't bombard her with texts if she doesn't respond in a few hours as that spook her away. Take a couple of deep breathes, realize the ball is in her court and move on with your day. Maybe shoot her an "Just checking to see if you're alright" text if she doesn't respond in a few days. But, that is a stretch for me.

 

2. Phone calls are a different story. There are many times when people simply cannot pick up the phone. Calling repeatedly is a sure way to drive a woman off. I dated a gal once that called me continually while I was working out one day and didn't have my phone. It really made me edgy and it was one of the reasons why I called it off with her.

 

3. It seems like you are angry about the whole situation which isn't doing you any good. It sounds like things are done with you and this woman so I would just cut off contact and move on. And, in the future, chill out when it comes to communication. If a woman seems like she is pulling away, ask her about it politely and tactfully but don't text and call repeatedly. If the behavior continues, just walk away from the whole thing. You will just get more frustrated and reactive and that's not good for your mental health and it won't serve a purpose in the end. I would just go NC and write it off.

 

In my opinion, this could be a good situation to learn from. If you think a woman is playing games remember that it takes two to participate and tap out.

 

Hey thanks for your answer, she texted me last night and told me "Can you call me, im trying to get out of a situation."

I did not reply and i am not going to. This is her way of trying to explain to me that she didnt get back to me because she was in a dilemma with one of her situation. She can call me. It takes 2 to tango. Actions speak louder than words and honestly, i am not having it anymore.

[Marshawn]

Btw, some of you think that i called her repeatedly but she told me before that she likes it whenever i call/text her. I even went as far as telling her that i dont want to keep bugging her if she doesnt pick up but she told me that she likes me a lot and i dont bug her at all, so that is why i called her 3 times.

[leogirl876]

Sorry, but mixed signals usually mean there's somebody else or they're using to pass the time. Men do this too. The last guy I dated, was the kind of mixed signals, it drove me crazy. Come to find out later, he had another girlfriend who he was more serious with that he totally lied about. Mixed signals are a turn off to me! I've learned my lesson and won't deal with that anymore. When a girl likes you, you'll know!

[Marshawn]

So I've been talking to this girl that i met in college for almost 2 months now. Got her number and she gave it to me right away. We have been talking ever since. It's weird because i have posted 3 questions on this thread and it has been all about her. I never usually do this but i realized how much i am crazy about her so I even went as far as creating an account on here. Anyways, she has shown me a lot of mixed signals and idk if she is playing hard to get, or if she is leading me on. I told her my true feelings for her and she also told me that she likes me as well so I am not the only one. However, now it is coming to a point where i feel like this chase has caused me more pain and headaches so that is why I am asking this question. The last time we had talked was on Thursday and the way she talks to me is if we are together. we call each other "babe", sends whole bunch of emojies with hearts and all that good stuff. But then she goes cold and havent heard from her since. It just drives me crazy because she doesnt pick up my calls and doesnt even reply back. No matter how busy she is, you would think she would at least take a little time off her day to keep me updated.. but nope. She id single and is not talking with any other guy and I am 95% sure of that. Last week, she did the same thing and i told her off telling her that i give up on her and that i am done playing her little HS games. 2 days goes by with NC and then she calls me telling me that she was upset at me for telling her that bc i guess she was going through some problems with her sister as she is having a pre-mature baby so she had to be at the hospital. But then again, she could have simply told me that instead of ignoring me. After that, everything went back to normal and she does it again from Thursday evening til now. I am not going to contact her anymore because I am fed up. I am leaving on deployment on the 26th and she is well aware of it. She told me we have to hang out before I leave but i dont believe her anymore bc obviously she cant even return my phone call. Mind i remind you that she has already flaked on me multiple times and i just thought of it because she is either too shy to see me or she was just making sure i was the one for her bc she did tell me that in the past, a lot of guys has done her dirty and was only in it to get inside her pants. But idk how much clearer that i have to make that i am really serious about her. I am just confused bc i know persistance pays off and maybe she is testing me how persistant i am but since it seems like she just doesnt give a f***.. why even try any more?

She would always text me good morning, asks me questions to prolong the conversation, and frequently call me so that is why i am even more confused bc she showed all the signs that she is interested and even told me that she was. But actions speak louder than words and the way she acts tells me otherwise.

What do you guys think? is it time for me to hang it up and call it a day? i know most of you will say yes but i want to get your guys/girls opinions

Edited June 19, 2017 by Marshawn

[coolheadal]

Your in the armed forces aren't you! Why don't you see what's going on with her. Family issues you need to allow her time to cope. But all no all hands to your battle stations because you can't wait you can't wait. Come now! Pull in your gut and be the man you are and give this woman some respect, honor and appreciation. Forget about those other jerks, your the one the leader act like it. Crying on my shoulder for one Mr. fall in line and get with it. She's into you and your acting like a spoil child you want, you want. She told you what was happening but you didn't listen to her. Your going back out to defend your country but defend her heart and give her some space. When she's ready she'll contact you like prior. Have a safe and sound deployment..

[Marshawn]

This girl led me on for 2 months and I am not sad at all, more angry at her for doing such a thing. I am more angry bc I even told her from the very beginning that I want her to be honest and tell me upfront as communication is very important to the both of us. Idk why she did it, but i can care less anymore. I should have known all along bc she has flaked on me multiple times and I was too nice about it bc i didn't want to be a jerk and acted like it didn't phase me. My friend knew it all along too but I didn't listen as I tried to keep everything optimistic. There is no one to blame except me for letting her play these silly, immature games on me.

Now my question is, when she does hit me up (God knows when), do I ignore her and cut off all contact? Or do i tell her whats up and that I wont tolerate her behavior? Of course, I am going to be civil about it and not cuss her out, even though i should but i'd rather not.

I am leaving on deployment to S. Korea on the 26th (Next Monday) for 4 months so i know for sure i will forget all about her, but I cant help to feel pissed off at her for her dishonesty and wasting my valuable time.

She really had me feeling some type of way that she was different than all the other girls that I have dated but it turns out, she is just the same. I told her my true feelings for her multiple times that i Genuinely liked her and she told me the same so for that reason, it makes me even more angry that she was dishonest and only did it to boost her self-ego.

 

**A little backstory; I met her in class about 2 months ago and she was super interested in me, calling me frequently and being all flirtacious. She flaked on me multiple times and I should have given her the boot then but i just played it off. (My fault). She then ignores me consistently for 2-3 days and then gets back in touch. Another red flag that I should have known. She seemed very genuine bc for one, she does not party or drink and is very work and family oriented. We kicked it off great and would talk for hours and hours on the phone. But i think i made myself too available for her even though i had plenty of things to do on my own time. For ex; i would be out with my friends and when she calls, i would literally drop everything and talk to her on the phone. That sort of thing. I guess i was just too nice to her. I am very frustrated at this whole situation and i know i should not be bc there are plenty of other girls out there but it's just the fact how she genuinely made me feel as if we had something bw us and then BAM, she goes MIA.

So back to my original question, even if she hits me up, do i just ignore her completely or do i tell her whats up? What would be the most effective way of dealing with this situation?

Edited June 19, 2017 by Marshawn

[ChatroomHero]

I would just casually slide out of contact. Basically if she contacts you and you are not feeling angry, feel free to respond. Don't make any plans, if she asks, politely decline and don't put a lot of effort into it.

 

 

Being angry and calling her out on anything will only make it worse. Anything that was actually her fault will be turned around on you to make you the bad guy. If you call her out and say you were disappointed because she flaked a bunch of times, she will respond with things like, "but you never made set plans", "I was waiting for a confirmation text", "I had to work late, you want me to lose my job?"...everything will be our fault.

 

 

That's how flakes operate, they kick up a lot of dust but skip around and none of the dust settles on them. In their mind, you could have discussed plans every day for 5 days straight, shelled out $300, made arrangements to get off work, confirmed with them the day of, and when they flaked A). It wasn't their fault. B). No matter how confirmed it was, they "weren't sure" it was still on. Therefor it is your fault they flaked.

 

 

Since you know you are angry, you know if you vent it will be pushed straight back to you as all your fault, the only real result you get from venting like that is you'll become even more angry at the original behavior and then how she throws it back to you.

 

 

In the end if you passively back out of contact with her, she will know fairly quickly that you are not showing any interest. That's the best you can hope for, she twists a little bit wondering why this guy that was wrapped around her finger stopped showing interest and fell off the hook.