Would you be turned off if a woman said to wear heels to be taller than her?

[dumbass2]

She has no idea how you feel about your issue with height. Like I've said she shouldn't have joked about it without knowing your personality. I don't believe she was intentionally degrading you. You are the one that has your mind made up that she was. If this was someone that knew you and knew how you felt about it then yes I would say she is a jerk. Just move on and learn from this because even if you ask her and she says she was joking then you will probably not believe her and she will think you are insecure about it so either way it probably isn't worth the time and energy.

[NJ123]

You're clearly insulted by what this woman said about your height, so you really should cancel the date. It doesn't sound like you'd be able to get over it.

 

You seem to be ignoring by what I'm saying is true though. Deep down you know it is.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You seem to be ignoring by what I'm saying is true though. Deep down you know it is.

 

Let me ask you this, if you texted her right now and asked her what she meant by the comment, why she said it, etc., what answer could she give you that would make you feel OK about it?

[NJ123]

She's making the same point you are trying to make...

 

In essence, it's not seen as such a huge deal, because you can't do anything about it....so its really "kinda" unfair to criticize someone for it...

 

TFY

 

What do you mean? You can change your weight. I saw a story about a week ago of some woman that was heavy that got cheated on due to her weight. And to get back at him she lost all the weight & now she looks gorgeous. So an obese woman can go from being not desirable to a lot of guys to being someone that many men would want if she lost weight. I'm stuck being 5'6" the rest of my life.

[NJ123]

Let me ask you this, if you texted her right now and asked her what she meant by the comment, why she said it, etc., what answer could she give you that would make you feel OK about it?

 

I wouldn't ask straight away. I'd let the conversation go for awhile than I'd ask it in passing to get her answer. I know if I ask right at the beginning of the conversation she wouldn't give me the same exact answer. I haven't even heard from her today yet though. She would usually text me by now. I'd text her first too at times but I'm not this time.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wouldn't ask straight away. I'd let the conversation go for awhile than I'd ask it in passing to get her answer. I know if I ask right at the beginning of the conversation she wouldn't give me the same exact answer. I haven't even heard from her today yet though. She would usually text me by now. I'd text her first too at times but I'm not this time.

 

You didn't answer my question. What answer would be acceptable?

 

And, does it bother you more that she said she usually went for taller guys, or that she suggested (jokingly in my opinion) the heels? If she'd not made the comment about the heels, would you still be feeling the way you are right now?

[healing light]

I don't believe she was intentionally degrading you. You are the one that has your mind made up that she was

 

^^This.

 

I think she was making playful banter. I think it's obvious she was joking by following up with if you were her man it wouldn't matter.

 

Regardless, your reaction to this has been WAY over the top. You're still obsessing and brooding over this comment days later, even arguing with people on this thread who are trying to offer their help and advice. Certainly, this trait will be what kills someone's attraction, not your height.

 

I was a part of another advice forum where they had the concept of a 90/10. When you get really upset over something, sometimes it's because it's actually a trigger issue for you in your personal history. 90% of your current reaction actually deals with your past history of how you feel about that subject, and only 10% of it has to deal with the actual circumstance on hand.

 

I definitely think this woman hit on your 90/10 here on height. Your resulting upset has more to do with how you feel about your height and how you've perceived your height has limited you in the past or made you feel XYZ (the 90), than her simple comment that was likely meant to express her preferences while flirting (the 10).

[NJ123]

You didn't answer my question. What answer would be acceptable?

 

And, does it bother you more that she said she usually went for taller guys, or that she suggested (jokingly in my opinion) the heels? If she'd not made the comment about the heels, would you still be feeling the way you are right now?

 

Basically that she didn't mean to offend me & that she doesn't care at all about me wearing heels.

 

Both bothered me but mainly the heels comment more so. I don't want to go as far as saying she won't see me as attractive as taller guys since I'd have to meet her in person to see the vibes she gives off towards me. I still don't get how she didn't see my height on my profile though. It's right there right when you click on it. I don't know how she didn't see it.

[healing light]

Even if she did mean that comment in the most derogatory way possible (which I highly doubt is true if she's still willing to go on a date with you), your reaction is bizarre to me. You have wasted hours and days of your life upset over this when a person with healthy self-esteem would have simply closed the door on her if they interpreted that they were being disrespected so early on by someone they've never met and aren't invested in.

[Art_Critic]

It is odd though that if a woman cracks on a guy for his height, he needs to get thicker skin and deal with it...Joke it off...Heck, I even advocated this earlier in the thread...

 

But if a guy cracks on a woman for being overweight, he is a complete insensitive douchebag

 

I think weight is off limits for both genders.. women who think a guy is too fat or too skinny also are being insensitive..

 

But...a man who wouldn't date a tall woman would be just picky.

 

Height is just something the OP thinks women use to exclude him from their dating pool.. I however don't think it is height.. more so something else they sense when the height issue rears it's head.

[NJ123]

Even if she did mean that comment in the most derogatory way possible (which I highly doubt is true if she's still willing to go on a date with you), your reaction is bizarre to me. You have wasted hours and days of your life upset over this when a person with healthy self-esteem would have simply closed the door on her if they interpreted that they were being disrespected so early on by someone they've never met and aren't invested in.

 

It's because I really enjoyed talking with her. The conversations were really fun & seemed like someone I would get along with in person. Than out of nowhere she says this stuff. People in here obviously don't see the conversations so they don't see that when she's joking she puts emoticons or says lol j/k. She didn't that time & it felt like she was serious when people here keep thinking she was joking.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Basically that she didn't mean to offend me & that she doesn't care at all about me wearing heels.

 

Both bothered me but mainly the heels comment more so. I don't want to go as far as saying she won't see me as attractive as taller guys since I'd have to meet her in person to see the vibes she gives off towards me. I still don't get how she didn't see my height on my profile though. It's right there right when you click on it. I don't know how she didn't see it.

 

I think I said before in this thread, this happened to me with the last man I met through OLD. I think it can happen when you're viewing/communicating with several people at once and you just don't keep all of the details straight.

[NJ123]

I think I said before in this thread, this happened to me with the last man I met through OLD. I think it can happen when you're viewing/communicating with several people at once and you just don't keep all of the details straight.

 

It's possible but just odd that she just didn't check my profile again instead of asking me how tall I was in conversation. I feel like my best bet is to meet some woman that's like 5'2" or something. I'll likely never have many chances with women around my height or taller due to the whole height hangup most women have. It sucks since there's so many women around my height or taller that are very attractive to me too.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's possible but just odd that she just didn't check my profile again instead of asking me how tall I was in conversation. I feel like my best bet is to meet some woman that's like 5'2" or something. I'll likely never have many chances with women around my height or taller due to the whole height hangup most women have. It sucks since there's so many women around my height or taller that are very attractive to me too.

 

Maybe she was testing you to see if you'd give the same answer that you did in your profile. In my OLD experience, if a man says he is is 5'11' or over, they are always telling the truth. 5'10" is kinda borderline.... Men who say 5'7" to 5'9" are most often "exaggerating" by at least an inch or two, which you find out when you meet. I've met way more men who lied about their height than lied about their age or marital status on their profiles.

[dumbass2]

I think I said before in this thread, this happened to me with the last man I met through OLD. I think it can happen when you're viewing/communicating with several people at once and you just don't keep all of the details straight.

 

And if it was THAT big a deal she would not be talking to him. It's not a deal breaker for her only one of many preferences she probably has for her perfect match. A deal breaker though might be insecurity.

 

And please OP, don't get stuck on fricken emojis. The use of them can easily be misinterpreted. Never put too much into texting and emailing before you date. The less the better. Joking on the phone or in person is a lot easier to decode. Texting is a lot smoother once you get to know each other a little more. I always say that poor communication and assumptions are the big relationship killers.

[CptInsano]

It's because I really enjoyed talking with her. The conversations were really fun & seemed like someone I would get along with in person. Than out of nowhere she says this stuff. People in here obviously don't see the conversations so they don't see that when she's joking she puts emoticons or says lol j/k. She didn't that time & it felt like she was serious when people here keep thinking she was joking.

 

If she seems like a great person otherwise I would give her the benefit of a doubt and assume she was joking, then simply wear regular shoes to the date and see how she reacts. Rather than trying to interpret the chat log you will find out for sure.

[NJ123]

Maybe she was testing you to see if you'd give the same answer that you did in your profile. In my OLD experience, if a man says he is is 5'11' or over, they are always telling the truth. 5'10" is kinda borderline.... Men who say 5'7" to 5'9" are most often "exaggerating" by at least an inch or two, which you find out when you meet. I've met way more men who lied about their height than lied about their age or marital status on their profiles.

 

lol why is everything always a negative with shorter guys for? Just seems a lot of women never have anything positive to say when mentioning short guys. Just seems women are ruthless towards them & always remember the negatives with them but not with taller guys.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

lol why is everything always a negative with shorter guys for? Just seems a lot of women never have anything positive to say when mentioning short guys. Just seems women are ruthless towards them & always remember the negatives with them but not with taller guys.

 

Do you enjoy dating women who are taller than you?

[NJ123]

Do you enjoy dating women who are taller than you?

 

Why do you keep ignoring my questions/statements. You just ask me questions when I mention things in my post. Why not give your true feedback on what I'm saying instead of beating around the bush. It just seems you know what I'm saying is true but you don't want to admit it.

[thefooloftheyear]

lol why is everything always a negative with shorter guys for? Just seems a lot of women never have anything positive to say when mentioning short guys. Just seems women are ruthless towards them & always remember the negatives with them but not with taller guys.

 

Total BS...

 

Sure, you want to tell me that they are always negative about guys that are 5'1" and 120 lbs? Ill buy that....But then, Id imagine that the gangly looking 6'2" woman is gonna run into the same resistance from guys...They are outliers....But even they do find people...There is a lid for every pot, so to speak..

 

I typed a longer response, but id rather not go into personal detail...Don't take this the wrong way, but I am almost 100% sure that woman wouldn't have said to me what she did to you...It's all about how you carry yourself...

 

You need to get that through your noggin, or you will continually step on your own dick..

 

TFY

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why do you keep ignoring my questions/statements. You just ask me questions when I mention things in my post. Why not give your true feedback on what I'm saying instead of beating around the bush. It just seems you know what I'm saying is true but you don't want to admit it.

 

Because I'm trying to get you to see that it's just a preference. There is NOT some kind of plot against short men any more than there is against tall women. Most men wouldn't want to date a woman who towers over them, just like most women don't want to date a man they tower over. Nobody is wrong here, or even being insulted (unless they choose to infer an insult).

 

I think this thread has turned into more of a rant about how it's unfair that short men can't get as many dates as tall men. I just don't buy that. It's about confidence more than anything.

[NJ123]

Because I'm trying to get you to see that it's just a preference. There is NOT some kind of plot against short men any more than there is against tall women. Most men wouldn't want to date a woman who towers over them, just like most women don't want to date a man they tower over. Nobody is wrong here, or even being insulted (unless they choose to infer an insult).

 

I think this thread has turned into more of a rant about how it's unfair that short men can't get as many dates as tall men. I just don't buy that. It's about confidence more than anything.

 

I wouldn't mind being with a woman taller than me. And confidence matters but physical attraction matters a lot too. Lack of physical attraction is a deal breaker in more cases than not.

[phineas]

Hey, I'm 5'6 and have had only one encounter with a OLD lady that ridiculed my height. A 5'8 lady of German descent thought it a little humorous that I would 'dare' to contact her. I laughed and told her that I had earlier dated a beautiful woman of Welsh descent who was the same height, 5'8. Dated her for a few months and she didn't have a problem with me being shorter. She got the message and didn't respond back. To each her own.

 

Be confident. There are enough ladies out there who don't have silly or absurd notions of height being more important than they ought to be. Don't let this incident get you down.

 

if a woman who is taller than my 5'8" ness or has a problem with my height gives me attitude, i tell them "i'm hung like a 6ft dude though".

 

I'm prepared to prove it if they come over.

 

but lets be real here.

I'm 45. if an attractive woman in my age range looking for a serious relationship is still single after a yr my height is the least of her issues.

[phineas]

I think weight is off limits for both genders.. women who think a guy is too fat or too skinny also are being insensitive..

 

But...a man who wouldn't date a tall woman would be just picky.

 

Height is just something the OP thinks women use to exclude him from their dating pool.. I however don't think it is height.. more so something else they sense when the height issue rears it's head.

 

agree. tall women lay longer.

 

have gone out with women taller than me.

would of dated them NP but it takes two to tango so......

[Popsicle]

NJ123, have you ever tried using the dating apps that have your height listed? That way you won't have to deal with a woman asking you what your height is.