Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 It is odd though that if a woman cracks on a guy for his height, he needs to get thicker skin and deal with it...Joke it off...Heck, I even advocated this earlier in the thread... But if a guy cracks on a woman for being overweight, he is a complete insensitive douchebag I mean, what would the replies be if he saw she was overweight and said, something like "I usually go for slimmer women, make sure you wear dark colors when we go out, as it tends to hide your rotund figure.." He would have been excoriated...and no one would be telling her to "joke it off" or have thicker skin.. Nothing changes my feelings on it, just pointing out the inconsistency among genders... TFY This exactly. Yet no one ever wants to point that out. The double standard with this is one of the worst kinds. I just don't get how I'm supposed to just get over it. I haven't talked to her yet today but I feel even if I do this is going to be over my head constantly. I don't know why people here keep thinking she was joking. I'm almost certain she wasn't in that moment. She would have put lol j/k or some sort of emoticon like she usually does if she's joking.
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 It is odd though that if a woman cracks on a guy for his height, he needs to get thicker skin and deal with it...Joke it off...Heck, I even advocated this earlier in the thread... But if a guy cracks on a woman for being overweight, he is a complete insensitive douchebag I mean, what would the replies be if he saw she was overweight and said, something like "I usually go for slimmer women, make sure you wear dark colors when we go out, as it tends to hide your rotund figure.." He would have been excoriated...and no one would be telling her to "joke it off" or have thicker skin.. Nothing changes my feelings on it, just pointing out the inconsistency among genders... TFY I believe there are some gender differences. Men are still meant to be tough as old boots and fight the dragons and put up with anything a weak woman throws at him because it will just bounce off his thick hide. He is the strong one, so he is fair game. He needs to be able to defend himself against all comers. She is the weak one, so it is seen as a bit unfair for the strong to pick on the weak. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 I believe there are some gender differences. Men are still meant to be tough as old boots and fight the dragons and put up with anything a weak woman throws at him because it will just bounce off his thick hide. He is the strong one, so he is fair game. He needs to be able to defend himself against all comers. She is the weak one, so it is seen as a bit unfair for the strong to pick on the weak. Agreed.... Life isn't fair....unless you are Tom Brady... TFY 1
JuneL Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 It is odd though that if a woman cracks on a guy for his height, he needs to get thicker skin and deal with it...Joke it off...Heck, I even advocated this earlier in the thread... But if a guy cracks on a woman for being overweight, he is a complete insensitive douchebag I mean, what would the replies be if he saw she was overweight and said, something like "I usually go for slimmer women, make sure you wear dark colors when we go out, as it tends to hide your rotund figure.." He would have been excoriated...and no one would be telling her to "joke it off" or have thicker skin.. Nothing changes my feelings on it, just pointing out the inconsistency among genders... TFY They say in a romantic relationship, men like to feel needed whereas women like to feel desired. I would imagine that a guy wouldn't do too well with dating if he's acting like a woman, no? 2
coolheadal Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Really? I wouldn't meet someone just to act nasty to her. That's ridiculous. And I'm almost certain though she wasn't joking though. As I keep saying almost everytime she jokes she adds emoticons. I don't get how you think she's joking from that conversation I posted. I don't get where you think she's joking there. These women you just can't please them with the heels they want to be taller. You feel your ego will be hurt. Then find a woman that's 5.0 then... This one just playing with you but the heels might be a deciding factor for her...
Usename12 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 What I don't understand is why someone you haven't met feels like they can say things without a filter. I guess this is the app generation. I can be known to have a biting sarcasm but that only comes out after getting to know someone. On the bright side, you know right away what she want. Anyway, if she prefers a taller guy, nothing wrong with that. Just move on.
Imajerk17 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 I chuckled when I saw the thread title, and I chuckled again when I saw that this thread is already like 8 pages and counting. Why does it seem that on here the long threads are so often about the short men This all seems to me to be such a huge deal about basically nothing. I am short myself and if a girl made that remark to me I'd take it as a joke. If she turned out to be serious as in she really expected me to wear heels I'd pass. (unless maybe we were talking about Halloween costumes that is. But that is 4 months away so there you go) 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 I don't know if she was joking that time. She asked first if I mind wearing heels. Than she said I should wear 3 inch heels & it would be perfect. When she's joking she usually uses emoticons. That time she didn't when she stated that like she was serious. How she truly feels about height, your height was made clear. She tried to use humor, joking to 'hide' it. Anyway, don't date her. Find someone else. That simple. Personally, I would given a happy face emoticon or grin and just asked her if she'd like to meet. Let her response be the final determinant. 1
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) I don't get how people in here are expecting me to be okay with this to just let it go. I highly doubt if you were a woman that you would be okay with a guy that said to wear something that made you look less fat. It's just ridiculous. Edited June 24, 2017 by NJ123
anika99 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 No, the conversation was fun & no bad vibes at all. Than she flat out asked how tall I was. And that's when it happened. Here's the convo almost word for word. Her: I'm 5'6" how tall are you? Me: 5'6" myself Her: Are you really? Me: Yeah why? Her: Well I typically go for taller guys like 5'9 and up Me: Oh I see Her: Do you mind wearing heels? Me: It doesn't matter to me Her: Okay you wear 3 inch heels and it will be perfect Me: lol you're not comfortable with me being the same height? Her: I think if you end up being my guy it wouldn't matter Let's change the genders and the subject up a little bit and then see how we feel: Guy: I have brown hair, what color is your hair? GIrl: I have brown hair myself Guy: do you really? Girl: yeah, why? Guy: well I typically date blondes Girl: Oh I see Guy: Do you mind dying your hair? Girl: It doesn't matter to me Guy: Okay you dye your hair blonde and it will be perfect Girl: LOL...you're not comfortable with me being brunette? Guy: I think if you end up being my girl it wouldn't matter Now how does everyone feel about this exchange? Myself, I'm not sure. I think I would still meet the guy because the bit about dying my hair sounds light hearted and because he did clarify by saying it doesn't really matter. Also I have enough of an ego to think to myself, "i'm going to show this guy how hot a brunette can be" lol
Imajerk17 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) I don't get how people in here are expecting me to be okay with this to just let it go. I highly doubt if you were a woman that you would be okay with a guy that said to wear something that made you look less fat. It's just ridiculous. You certainly don't need to go on a date with her if you are put off. It's your prerogative. If you were put-off by her humour and found it annoying that's cool. I think what most of us are finding bizarre is that you are getting this worked up over a comment by some random person over the internet. (Getting worked up and upset is different from just being put-off.) We all have our sensitive parts. But letting this get to you this much doesn't serve you. Meanwhile, you are aware that a man being this thin-skinned as you are demonstrating is quite a turn-off to women in general, right? Edited June 24, 2017 by Imajerk17 5
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) You certainly don't need to go on a date with her if you are put off. It's your prerogative. If you were put-off by her humour and found it annoying that's cool. I think what most of us are finding bizarre is that you are getting this worked up over a comment by some random person over the internet. (Getting worked up and upset is different from just being put-off.) We all have our sensitive parts. But letting this get to you this much doesn't serve you. Meanwhile, you are aware that a man being this thin-skinned as you are demonstrating is quite a turn-off to women in general, right? It's just it seems women get a pass for stating stuff like this without any backlash yet on the flipside if I said to a woman to wear something that'll make her look less fat I'd be crucified for it. I just don't like the double standard. And it was pretty hurtful for her to state that to me like she'd be embarrassed to be with me if I didn't wear heels. I'm only human so of course some things will bother me. I haven't heard from her today at all but at this point maybe it's for the best. Edited June 24, 2017 by NJ123
phineas Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Let's change the genders and the subject up a little bit and then see how we feel: Guy: I have brown hair, what color is your hair? GIrl: I have brown hair myself Guy: do you really? Girl: yeah, why? Guy: well I typically date blondes Girl: Oh I see Guy: Do you mind dying your hair? Girl: It doesn't matter to me Guy: Okay you dye your hair blonde and it will be perfect Girl: LOL...you're not comfortable with me being brunette? Guy: I think if you end up being my girl it wouldn't matter Now how does everyone feel about this exchange? Myself, I'm not sure. I think I would still meet the guy because the bit about dying my hair sounds light hearted and because he did clarify by saying it doesn't really matter. Also I have enough of an ego to think to myself, "i'm going to show this guy how hot a brunette can be" lol totally unrealistic. Exchange hair color with dress size and you may be onto something. 4
carhill Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 OP, people lie, cheat, steal, and can be and are hypocrites. Maybe not all the time but when it benefits them. Part of life. Can't control the mouths and behaviors of others. Can control one's own mouth and behavior. Do what benefits you, for you. If this whole milieu turns you off, that's your righteous and valid perspective. Others may disagree. That's OK. They don't live your life. You do. 4
phineas Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 have told women that will be taller than me in high heels to DO EET! here is the thing. when a dude shows up somewhere with an attractive woman taller than him in heels ain't nobody gonna be focused on her. They gonna be focused on the short dude who pulled her. and he is going to get mad respect. 1
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 OP, people lie, cheat, steal, and can be and are hypocrites. Maybe not all the time but when it benefits them. Part of life. Can't control the mouths and behaviors of others. Can control one's own mouth and behavior. Do what benefits you, for you. If this whole milieu turns you off, that's your righteous and valid perspective. Others may disagree. That's OK. They don't live your life. You do. True. It just sucks being seen as less as for something I have no control over. Some women are really brutal when it comes to height for whatever reason. It's like it didn't hardly bother me anymore than I get hit with this just to bring it back into the forefront of my mind where it's hindering me.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 True. It just sucks being seen as less as for something I have no control over. Some women are really brutal when it comes to height for whatever reason. It's like it didn't hardly bother me anymore than I get hit with this just to bring it back into the forefront of my mind where it's hindering me. Hey, I'm 5'6 and have had only one encounter with a OLD lady that ridiculed my height. A 5'8 lady of German descent thought it a little humorous that I would 'dare' to contact her. I laughed and told her that I had earlier dated a beautiful woman of Welsh descent who was the same height, 5'8. Dated her for a few months and she didn't have a problem with me being shorter. She got the message and didn't respond back. To each her own. Be confident. There are enough ladies out there who don't have silly or absurd notions of height being more important than they ought to be. Don't let this incident get you down. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Let's change the genders and the subject up a little bit and then see how we feel: Guy: I have brown hair, what color is your hair? GIrl: I have brown hair myself Guy: do you really? Girl: yeah, why? Guy: well I typically date blondes Girl: Oh I see Guy: Do you mind dying your hair? Girl: It doesn't matter to me Guy: Okay you dye your hair blonde and it will be perfect Girl: LOL...you're not comfortable with me being brunette? Guy: I think if you end up being my girl it wouldn't matter Now how does everyone feel about this exchange? Myself, I'm not sure. I think I would still meet the guy because the bit about dying my hair sounds light hearted and because he did clarify by saying it doesn't really matter. Also I have enough of an ego to think to myself, "i'm going to show this guy how hot a brunette can be" lol Apples to elephants comparison....try again... TFY 1
jay1983 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Yeah yeah double standard life ain't fair. Just cause women are overly sensitive about something similar doesn't mean you should do the same. Take it as a joke and Go out with her.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 True. It just sucks being seen as less as for something I have no control over. Some women are really brutal when it comes to height for whatever reason. It's like it didn't hardly bother me anymore than I get hit with this just to bring it back into the forefront of my mind where it's hindering me. Yeah, it is a double standard, but so is the fact that women dating younger men is scandalous, but the other way around it's impressive. Men having salt and pepper hair is sexy, but women need to color their hair to be beautiful. Women have to have zero body fat, but men can joke about their little beer paunch and nobody cares. I still think she was kidding, and I think it was a bit rude of her to tell you that she usually goes for taller guys, but comparing it to the shame women feel if they are overweight isn't totally accurate. The majority of people view an overweight person as being at fault for their size. Nobody views short people that way, so it is different and the level of "shame" is not the same. How would you have felt if she found out you have blue eyes, but she usually dates brown-eyed men and said, "Ok, can you wear brown contacts?" 3
dumbass2 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 I don't think you should even bother with her at this point. I believe she is bantering with you and your personalities obviously won't mesh. I don't think she should have joked about it without having even met you. There can be a lot of misunderstandings early on in the dating process and I think this is one of those times. It is also my opinion that you need to work on being a little more secure with height and looks. Online dating is tough and to be successful you need to be confident and learn to go with the flow and be able to let things bounce off you without assuming things too early on and getting hurt by someone you don't even know. Over analyzing things is a killer. I know as I've done OLD on and off over 10 years. 2
Author NJ123 Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 Yeah, it is a double standard, but so is the fact that women dating younger men is scandalous, but the other way around it's impressive. Men having salt and pepper hair is sexy, but women need to color their hair to be beautiful. Women have to have zero body fat, but men can joke about their little beer paunch and nobody cares. I still think she was kidding, and I think it was a bit rude of her to tell you that she usually goes for taller guys, but comparing it to the shame women feel if they are overweight isn't totally accurate. The majority of people view an overweight person as being at fault for their size. Nobody views short people that way, so it is different and the level of "shame" is not the same. How would you have felt if she found out you have blue eyes, but she usually dates brown-eyed men and said, "Ok, can you wear brown contacts?" The big difference is you can do something about weight but you can't with height. And being overweight people are way more sensitive to than a guy that's short. It's acceptable to make fun of short guys & if you have a problem with it than you're labeled insecure. If a woman insults a short guy he literally can't say anything since if he does than he'll be labeled as insecure & a jerk so it's like you just have to stand there & take the insult since society deems it acceptable to insult & make fun of shorter people. And that's not the same thing at all. The comparison is not in the same ball park at all.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 The big difference is you can do something about weight but you can't with height. And being overweight people are way more sensitive to than a guy that's short. It's acceptable to make fun of short guys & if you have a problem with it than you're labeled insecure. If a woman insults a short guy he literally can't say anything since if he does than he'll be labeled as insecure & a jerk so it's like you just have to stand there & take the insult since society deems it acceptable to insult & make fun of shorter people. And that's not the same thing at all. The comparison is not in the same ball park at all. You're clearly insulted by what this woman said about your height, so you really should cancel the date. It doesn't sound like you'd be able to get over it. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 The big difference is you can do something about weight but you can't with height. And being overweight people are way more sensitive to than a guy that's short. It's acceptable to make fun of short guys & if you have a problem with it than you're labeled insecure. If a woman insults a short guy he literally can't say anything since if he does than he'll be labeled as insecure & a jerk so it's like you just have to stand there & take the insult since society deems it acceptable to insult & make fun of shorter people. And that's not the same thing at all. The comparison is not in the same ball park at all. She's making the same point you are trying to make... In essence, it's not seen as such a huge deal, because you can't do anything about it....so its really "kinda" unfair to criticize someone for it... TFY 1
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