relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) So I need others to look at this situation from there point a view. My girlfriend and I have been having a lot of issues, mostly because I'm worried about her, she was sexually assaulted in the military and was recently discharged. She stopped taking her antidepressants and began abusing alcohol. One day she was at a bar drinking, and telling the bartender about our relationship and that we had been arguing, and he says well maybe you two dont need to be together if you argue a lot. She said now thinking rationally, I feel dumb for even believing him at the time. All her friends pretty much hate my guts they see me as always being the one making her cry or ruining her fun, when really i just want to talk to her about whats been going on, she understands that but her friends don't. She admitted to conversations like these several occasions while drunk. Anyway, A male calls her phone (she said he has been blocked and doesnt know how he was even able to call), which her friend answers (she always has a friend hold her phone while shes drunk) and invites all the girls to come over, knowing that they are all completely wasted. Meanwhile, two girls walk my girlfriend into this persons home, holding her up because she cant walk. Another girl proceeds to have sex, and my girlfriend panics. The girls walk her to the guys room and lay her on the bed, the guy promised everything would be ok and she just needed to lay down because she was wasted. The next morning she wakes up and doesnt remember what had happened, she felt horrible and noticed while using the bathroom she was bleeding. I really don't know how to take this..I've been with her for almost 2 years. She keeps saying she would never go in the room with a man, not even if she was single. She admits to becoming distant with me because she was hearing from her friends what had happened, and she felt horrible. She made an appointment to get help with alcohol and said she wants to get better. She says it doesnt matter what her friends think of me, they wont pay our bills, we had plans of moving in together in a year. Im just torn, this is a reoccurring image in my mind.. Edited June 24, 2017 by relationshipd
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 She needs better friends. You need a better girlfriend who makes better choices. If she didn't cheat, she and her friends put her in a position to be sexually assaulted. Again. You don't need to be involved with a person who makes this a habit and then looks for an excuse to explain her way out of it. There are responsible women with responsibile friends. Find one. Whatever you do, don't move in with this girl. 2
Author relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 I agree she needs better friends, but to her friends I look super controlling by making comments suggesting she choose better friends. That is why they all pretty much hate me. But I am aware that she is no longer speaking to anyone from that night. She needs better friends. You need a better girlfriend who makes better choices. If she didn't cheat, she and her friends put her in a position to be sexually assaulted. Again. You don't need to be involved with a person who makes this a habit and then looks for an excuse to explain her way out of it. There are responsible women with responsibile friends. Find one. Whatever you do, don't move in with this girl.
RecentChange Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Yeah I don't know if she "cheated" but it does sound like she was sexually assulted perhaps. She needs help, a lot of professional help. It's going to be a long haul, and she may never be "whole" again. You need to make some hard choices if that is what you want to sign up for.
Author relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 I've been through a majority of this road already. I feel like I have a bit more passion and tolerance because I am studying to be a psychiatrist.
SammySammy Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Psychiatrists deserve to have great relationships too. You don't have to settle for broken relationships with broken people just because you're a psychiatrist. 7
basil67 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) Your girlfriend's friends hate you because she vents about you to them. If she only ever spoke of you and your behaviour in glowing terms, they would like you. This is how female friendships work. Now, whether or not your girlfriend's view of you is accurate is a whole different story.....but she's not happy with you and her girlfriends are very aware of this. Regarding your girlfriend being so drunk that she could not walk but having had sex. If her story is accurate, this would easily be classified as rape as she would have been unable to give consent. Why didn't you take her straight to the police or hospital when you found out what happened? Lastly, the bartender is correct. If she's getting upset because the two of you argue a lot, you should not be together. Edited June 24, 2017 by basil67 3
Author relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) When she vents to them about me she always says, its her fault. And to her friends it looks abusive that she is constantly blaming herself. We argue over things such as her stopping her medication and consuming alcohol for 3 weeks, that has been the core of the story. Im concerned about her, and she is just now realizing that. She doesnt necessarily care about there opinion she says they are not inside their relationship, but it bothers me. Your girlfriend's friends hate you because she vents about you to them. If she only ever spoke of you and your behaviour in glowing terms, they would like you. This is how female friendships work. Now, whether or not your girlfriend's view of you is accurate is a whole different story.....but she's not happy with you and her girlfriends are very aware of this. Regarding your girlfriend being so drunk that she could not walk but having had sex. If her story is accurate, this would easily be classified as rape as she would have been unable to give consent. Why didn't you take her straight to the police or hospital when you found out what happened? Lastly, the bartender is correct. If she's getting upset because the two of you argue a lot, you should not be together. Edited June 24, 2017 by relationshipd
basil67 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 When she vents to them about me she always says, its her fault. And to her friends it looks abusive that she is constantly blaming herself. We argue over things such as her stopping her medication and consuming alcohol for 3 weeks, that has been the core of the story. Im concerned about her, and she is just now realizing that. She doesnt necessarily care about there opinion, but it bothers me. Mate, you're training to be a psychiatrist. Yet you don't seem to understand that you have to let people seek psychological help when they are ready and that they can't be bullied into change. Surely this is psychiatry 101? Her friends are seeing you bully her and seeing her blaming herself for your behaviour. This is why they hate you. If you can't stop fighting her over her choices, you need to leave her. And I still want to know why you didn't reassure her and take her to the police or hospital after apparently being sexually assaulted. 2
Author relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 I have. She told me today which is probably 3-4 weeks after the event. Mate, you're training to be a psychiatrist. Yet you don't seem to understand that you have to let people seek psychological help when they are ready and that they can't be bullied into change. Surely this is psychiatry 101? Her friends are seeing you bully her and seeing her blaming herself for your behaviour. This is why they hate you. If you can't stop fighting her over her choices, you need to leave her. And I still want to know why you didn't reassure her and take her to the police or hospital after apparently being sexually assaulted.
Superchicken Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Dude, You have two choices. One, she did it willingly. My bet, cause too many stupid things lead up to the incident, AND she never got police involved for the RAPE after !. Two, She was rapped/Sexually assaulted. YOU need to push her into making a formal Police complaint. Those dumb friends of hers will then get questioned by the Police, and they will get to the bottom of it. Stop playing dumb yourself, as the second choice will be MY first choice in an event like this. This whole story of hers smells of Sewage, and belongs in such a place. The fact she's not going crazy, tells me she is fine about what happened. If she was raped/assaulted, she should be acting totally different, but, brushes it off ?. Na, you have issues, and until these are brought up in front of Police, you will be a sap !. Ted. 1
TheAntiHero Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Wow, you're pretty dumb for hanging around. She sounds like a loser and it sounds like you "love" her for no reason. You have a bright future together. /End sarcasm
doyathinkso Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Mate, you're training to be a psychiatrist. Yet you don't seem to understand that you have to let people seek psychological help when they are ready and that they can't be bullied into change. Surely this is psychiatry 101? Her friends are seeing you bully her and seeing her blaming herself for your behaviour. This is why they hate you. If you can't stop fighting her over her choices, you need to leave her. And I still want to know why you didn't reassure her and take her to the police or hospital after apparently being sexually assaulted. To my mind it would seem that relationshipd is the poster boy for " The cobbler's children go barefoot.". 1
Author relationshipd Posted June 24, 2017 Author Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) She has been extremely suicidal, I've noticed a huge difference in her these last 3 weeks. It is not like she told me and brushed it off, he has gotten extremely depressed and more suicidal. She said she needs to see a therapist because she is starting to remember what happened. Dude, You have two choices. One, she did it willingly. My bet, cause too many stupid things lead up to the incident, AND she never got police involved for the RAPE after !. Two, She was rapped/Sexually assaulted. YOU need to push her into making a formal Police complaint. Those dumb friends of hers will then get questioned by the Police, and they will get to the bottom of it. Stop playing dumb yourself, as the second choice will be MY first choice in an event like this. This whole story of hers smells of Sewage, and belongs in such a place. The fact she's not going crazy, tells me she is fine about what happened. If she was raped/assaulted, she should be acting totally different, but, brushes it off ?. Na, you have issues, and until these are brought up in front of Police, you will be a sap !. Ted. Edited June 24, 2017 by relationshipd
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Just take it one day at a time. Be kind, supportive, take her to her appointments, be a good listener, put your feelings aside until she is stable and ready to take the next step in dealing with this.
Superchicken Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 Go and talk to the POLICE !. Its as simple as that. Its either Rape, or consensual sex. Again, when they question her friends and the prick who did the act, you will get your answer. Till then, you know nothing, and will get nowhere. I know I'm coming hard on you, but, its really a despicable act that has occurred. Get to the bottom of it. Especially if this prick is allowed to walk around free. Ted. 1
Andy_K Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 This girl sounds like a nightmare regardless of whether she did anything or not. Additionally, first rule of dating is to make sure your girlfriends friends like you. If they do, they'll not only encourage her to make things work, but they'll actively help get rid of attention from other guys and keep her away from stiuation exactly like this one. If they don't, nothing short of an act of God will keep you together in the long run
healing light Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 She was raped. So drunk she couldn't even walk? Bleeding afterward? I don't even see how consent can enter this picture. Make sure she gets the mental health care she needs. Managing a relationship should be the last thing on her mind right now. 1
basil67 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 I still don't understand why you asked if she cheated. Do you not believe her story or do you not understand consent?
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