What-2-Do Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I had a post a while back with how terrible my marriage had become. I tried to make things work but nothing ever changed. I ended up meeting a much younger woman and we hit it off. I ended up crossing the line and for the first time in 16 years cheated on my wife. I came clean about it today and needless to say she's pissed. I wish I did things the right way and ended things with her first but at this point the marriage is completely done. I've been looking for an excuse to leave for a long time now and clearly I found it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Sorry you did this . You'll never be able to undo the fact that you're a cheater . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Still, cheating and then immediately confessing and getting on with the divorce is still a far sight better than carrying on with a lie. I don't say this to diminish the bad action, but because it's important not to make people feel "in for a penny, in for a pound" as this leads to very bad outcomes if they feel like they're doomed already so they may as well not bother ever trying to be better. If you feel bad enough about doing this in a messy way perhaps that will motivate you in the future to be more honest and face things directly instead of seeking an underhanded excuse. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 So you had already cheated but lied to us? Neat. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I wish I did things the right way and ended things with her first but at this point the marriage is completely done. I've been looking for an excuse to leave for a long time now and clearly I found it. Well it almost sounds like you did yourself a favor considering you wanted to end your marriage anyway but couldn't find the courage to do it. Did you ask your wife for a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 So you had already cheated but lied to us? Neat. no...he came here and told us his marriage was bad...and even if he lied to us...big deal the important thing is lying to his spouse...I really dont think we matter much OP...sorry you made this choice...it was the wrong one...however...its your life So tell us...what do you want from us at this point? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I thought you were leaving your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 Sounds like you wanted a "good" reason for the marriage to end and cheating is what would do it. Otherwise you would've just told your wife you wanted to divorce and that would've been it. No judgment though. If you're not happy there's no reason to stay married out of obligation. Not many people are able to confess to cheating. But I guess the difference is you wanted out of the marriage. I hope you find happiness! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 I thought you moved out already? That you bought a townhouse and your wife had the house. Last update seemed like you were done. Well, now you can get your divorce and move on. You and your soon to be ex wife are better off without one another. Hopefully each of you will be happier. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 (edited) You could have just asked your wife for a divorce. Instead, you took the easy way out - you cheated and now your wife will make the decision for you. Not much to respect about that. I'm sorry. Edited June 24, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 From what you've said about her I'm surprised she even cared. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted June 24, 2017 Share Posted June 24, 2017 You have caused too much pain with the cheating. Should have filed , got the D , and then moved on. So much anger on someone you loved when you married her. Now she will deal with that for a long time. And she will try to make you pay. next time end it before moving on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 So you had already cheated but lied to us? Neat. I never cheated before this. I was 100% faithful for the past 16 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What-2-Do Posted June 24, 2017 Author Share Posted June 24, 2017 From what you've said about her I'm surprised she even cared. Honestly, I don't think she really cared that much. I told her we were done and confessed to what I had done. She didn't really say much at all which I'm surprised about. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I hope you both find peace and some level of happiness - and perhaps learn from this divorce. The marriage was over before the affair it sounds like. Best wishes....truly. P.S. what happened to the younger gal you had your exit affair with ? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Honestly, I don't think she really cared that much. I told her we were done and confessed to what I had done. She didn't really say much at all which I'm surprised about. You're probably right. It seems she lost her attraction to you a while ago and the lyme disease certainly didn't help. You two have had marital issues that aren't fixable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 What a sh-itty thing to do to another human being . You were to weak to divorce her amicably so you destroyed her soul by cheating on her. You should be disappointed in yourself. Maybe work on that before you get into another relationship 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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