What am I supposed to do, I'm heartbroken and alone

[Aak8387]

Very long story. But I met my BF at my work after the relationship I had with my kids father was going to crap. I had been with my kids father since I was 17 and he is 8 years older than me and treated me like a kid amongst other things. But I had been faithful for 10 years.

 

I met my BF and was immediately attracted to him butterflies and all...I fought the feelings for so long then gave in, cheated but left my kids dad. But I could not move out yet. We had a lease and then he kept losing jobs and I felt it would look bad to my kids to put their dad on the street so I stayed for 2 years living in seperate rooms being faithful to my BF while he cheated on me and lied to my face. Not once but even promised me he would not move in with this girl and did it anyway bc he could not afford to live on his own and I had no home and he has 3 kids and needed a safe place for them.

 

He the entire time told me he loved me he was using her and when I finally did move out he still stayed. He sited his kids. Then he stayed one night and my ex came over and decided to act crazy to get him to fight. So I got in between it bc I knew my BF could kill someone and I have been scared of that anger bf, he claimed I was saving him....but I was thinking of my kids....then he went and had sex with this girl to hurt me. Then he promised me he was not doing anything with her...meanwhile he constantly was still going out with her and things were all over Facebook.

 

So after I kept warning him she was obsessed and she would get pregnant, he promised me that would never happen he got her pregnant bc I told him the truth about my ex breaking in my home. He put me through hell when he had met this girl asking me to get an abortion of twins which I did bc he said it was best and the having a misscarrage after their fight. He constantly tried to leave but always came back. I always saw he was better than What he did and settled for bc he blamed his childhood which was really bad. Then he decided to stay with me.

 

But when the baby was born it was a year anniversary to me losing ours and he was no where he was with the baby. So when I went to my kids father's hotel to get my daughter's blanket he put it in my face that my BF still did things with she waa all over Facebook. That he was playing me like he said and then he went to kiss me I fought at first but I felt so horrible I ended up having sex with him....i felt awful.

 

My kids dad even tried again and I fought him off when I went to pick up my kids then i was afraid he would tell my BF so tries to wean him off with a couple naked pics bc he was also threatening not to do the stuff with the kids he promised. I stopped that as well less then a weeks time. I was not that person and felt horrible for my mistake. I loved my BF and I knew if I could not accept the fact he had another child and etc I could not get passed it and it was worth it to me.

 

A month later he made us fb official and started to do the right things only doing things with me spending most nights at my house. And then may we went on a trip to Mexico where we both agrees to get married set a date and had signed a lease to move in together. He never wanted to marry anyone before or loved anyone like he did me and was finally opening up and being the man I knew he could be even got a better job to make more money to help support us.

 

I met his family in Mexico. I paid for nothing. When we came back my kids father had contacted the mother of the baby and stated that he didn't know we were in Mexico and etc. And was inquiring their relationship. Then my BF called him and took my side after he was claiming that we had been having sex the entire time and etc and he had no proof..then my ex stated he had pics. He had saved the pics I had sent him and made a video of us together that I had not known about.

 

My life was ruined. My bf left blocked me off all social media including fitbit. The next day he returned alot.of the things I had gotten him and said goodbye to the kids. But he said we would have no contact and he is still.contacting me. He said he would give me a chance to prove myself but states he saw me as perfect before and now he thinks I'm less than him. He had finally open up become vulnerable after 5 years and this happened. He canceled the lease. Says he doesn't want to get married and now wants to get fixes because I wanted another baby.

 

He says he doesn't know how i can fix it, says he can't be around me he doesn't want to be around me. He cares about me and the kids. He says he still loves me and misses me. I even emailed my kids father and got him to admit to everything and showed him. He stated it doesn't matter how it happened it happened. I stopped an I only did one time over 10 months ago and he states he doesn't know who I am anymore. What can I do. He is giving me a chance to prove it and change and repair everything but I don't know how.

 

I have not been doing anything with anyone, not having casual convos with my ex only about the kids. What can I do, I love him so much and I feel so bad I just want him back and to be normal even if it takes a long time. I want to take responsibility for what I have done. But he w ont come around its been 3 weeks.

Edited June 24, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Stockton]

You can either do what you have been doing and have the same thing keep happening or you can do something different take a chance. First thing you need to do is have no more contact with them, seriously kick em to the curb and don't look back. Stay single don't Date for a few years take that time to get to know you, change the habits that bring negativity into you life,or fix nothing and keep black ming others for what you are responsible for.

[mercy]

I want to take responsibility for what I have done.

 

Take this want and desire you have for a man and turn it towards your children. How confused they must be.

 

Stop for a moment and really take a good look at your life. What do you see? What do your children see?

 

Here are two things to read. Please take them to heart.

 

 

Feeding the Soil: Kahlil Gibran: On Children

 

 

 

 

Poet Seers » The Way Things Should

[stillafool]

I think you should stay away from men for at least 2 years and concentrate on securing a good home and future for your kids. Kids don't need this type of drama in their lives.