Maggie4 Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 For example going on meetups that are meant to bring like-minded people together, for example improvisation theatre, karaoke, vegan cooking etc. That works. And there are many men who are also turning away from OLD and trying something else. Local Meetup is one. And for those more sedentary types, it's also possible to meet on an internet forum. There are forums on everything, music playing, language learning, pets, gardening, travel.
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2017 Posted June 24, 2017 So, are you withdrawing or not? I personally think it's unreasonable to completely withdraw but ok to take a break if you're burned out.
Author Lorenza Posted June 25, 2017 Author Posted June 25, 2017 So, are you withdrawing or not? I personally think it's unreasonable to completely withdraw but ok to take a break if you're burned out. I have already deleted my Tinder some days ago and not gonna return to the "meat market" ever again. Paused my membership in other sites too and gonna try Meetup instead. If that doesn't work I will probably be forced to return to some sites :/ 1
phineas Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 i'm still on bumble. the only one left cause the woman has to contact me. so no effort on my part. lol. but i'm hitting the point where i let women know before we even meet that i don't date women whose ex's are still in the picture or if they have orbiters. i meet too many women with no boundaries or morals it seems. mostly i meet them online. 1
coolheadal Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 Sorry for yet another topic, but this time I'm here with a different question that, hopefully, some of you will find relatable. I've been thinking a lot about the dating culture and how people find each other nowadays. Have myself been using Tinder and some other popular platforms frequented by many users, both locals and from other cities. I even had a lot of interesting matches and encounters that eventually didn't hook me up. I virtually ran into two of my exes and saw some other people I know. But the longer I'm using all those dating platform the more hollow the whole thing feels. After all, this method of meeting the love of your life is completely unnatural, inorganic and quite shallow (especially Tinder).No wonder there's an enormous distance among people and everyone's easily replaceable. I started feeling that I don't want to meet someone through an app based on choosing people like clothes in an online shopping catalog. Then it's easy to pick on any flaw, return the product and continue shopping. I'd like my story to be more than that. My question is - is it reasonable for me to shut that door? I don't usually have many opportunities to meet new men, especially the type of men that I find compelling. My schedule doesn't leave too much time for activities, thought I could squeeze something in, in worst case. Also - do you believe that love comes to you when you stop looking for it? I'd gladly hear some stories of forum members meeting their SO outside of OLD (but in recent years) Don't treat this as a business type of situation. You met some of your own ex's because of your profile requirements. I have the same issue too. So you move on. Tinder is just for casual dating (sex), I wouldn't consider that for long-term relationship. OKC I like that but the women on that are always the same ones and the other ones there are just playing games. I disabled and deleted my account. After running into someone which I deem different on Facebook. The last person like her was in 2015. Of course after 10 months it had gone south. She was nutty women with issues. Now in 2017 a different one appears. We chat, text, voice and video daily. I still wondering if this is real or will this end up nowhere. In July I'll have my answer. For now another one has appeared but I know her from OKC but she never did anything because she works 24/7. Text, voice and video chat. Told me she wanted to come to America and spend 3 weeks with me. I still have to think about that one. There is no love there and what's the point of seeing her in my house with out love. I am not into casual dating that's not me. OLD use to work in the late 90's today it's not the same. Something happen to it. There is a lot of fake women from Western Africa, Philippines an etc. They're just giving you false hope and love. In return they will just want your money and tell you they're coming but they're not coming to you. Why would they if your going to give them free money. Think about. Then you have those who like to swing and those who are still married and want extra. Most of all damage ones can't be fixed so they look for those who can deal with this crap. i am not into this and I would rather someone shows up in person or other means. No need to put up with this life. Your not happy with how these services work because who's out there using them are just playing games, window shopping looking for guys to shoot the breeze with and more...
henderson14 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 It's just a numbers game. The more guys you meet the greater your chances of finding someone. I've seen girls I know in real life who I wanted to date on these sites, so I know you can find decent people on there. For some reason my friends and I haven't had much luck for a long term match though.
caveman621 Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 I met my current GF on OLD. She's wonderful. We are in love. We plan to move in together and marry once my divorce is final. Should be less than 60 days now! YAY! But, for OLD, when I was doing it, I think my attitude was different than most. If you're looking for the perfect match and ONLY seeing those you think will be perfect, or are looking for a LTR right off the bat, you will probably be disappointed. I always figured, meet people. Go out. Have a drink. If it's a horrible date, you can just stop contact. And you might have a funny story to tell on threads like this! Going out for a drink and a little casual conversation is better than another evening home alone. That was how I always looked at it anyway. Don't have high expectations. Just a hope for some good company. Then you won't be disappointed. And if the other person and you "click", great! If not, nothing is really lost. 1
No_Go Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Not to get annoying but Meetup is just another way for online dating. Most people attend with an actual interest in dating. That's why I avoided them after my break up before I was ready. Having said that one of my friends recently found a boyfriend on one of the Meetup events (parties where they mingle different groups of interest), so it can work out:) I have already deleted my Tinder some days ago and not gonna return to the "meat market" ever again. Paused my membership in other sites too and gonna try Meetup instead. If that doesn't work I will probably be forced to return to some sites :/
Dis Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Sorry for yet another topic, but this time I'm here with a different question that, hopefully, some of you will find relatable. I've been thinking a lot about the dating culture and how people find each other nowadays. Have myself been using Tinder and some other popular platforms frequented by many users, both locals and from other cities. I even had a lot of interesting matches and encounters that eventually didn't hook me up. I virtually ran into two of my exes and saw some other people I know. But the longer I'm using all those dating platform the more hollow the whole thing feels. After all, this method of meeting the love of your life is completely unnatural, inorganic and quite shallow (especially Tinder).No wonder there's an enormous distance among people and everyone's easily replaceable. I started feeling that I don't want to meet someone through an app based on choosing people like clothes in an online shopping catalog. Then it's easy to pick on any flaw, return the product and continue shopping. I'd like my story to be more than that. My question is - is it reasonable for me to shut that door? I don't usually have many opportunities to meet new men, especially the type of men that I find compelling. My schedule doesn't leave too much time for activities, thought I could squeeze something in, in worst case. Also - do you believe that love comes to you when you stop looking for it? I'd gladly hear some stories of forum members meeting their SO outside of OLD (but in recent years) I think the exact same way as you OP, your post really resonated with me! It feels like real love can't be manufactured or selected via one's app profile! I literally always use the same line as you about picking someone out of a magazine! I'm not sure what the answer is though. I frequently give up OLD, to only set a profile again for a brief time as it helps me to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING! And I'm 30 years old and have only been in ONE relationship so I know that my chances of meeting men organically as slim, especially since I'm shy! Yet again, I'm a bit spiritual in that I believe that what will be will be. So forcing things or trying too hard will achieve nothing except keep me occupied haha. Hey girl! You're post really resonated with me too I feel the same way I was so determined to meet my SO on OLDing I didnt realize how miserable it made me. I really took a beating from OLDing but I kept plugging along...hoping for a miracle I finaly called it quits after almost 2 years. I've been off OLDing sites for about 2 months now which is a record for me. I'd always create a new profile once I got a second wind but now...I think I'm really done The funny thing is...once I deleted my profiles I started to see new opportunities in meeting men IRL pop up that I never wouldve seen before while relying soley on OLDing. None of them are sure things but they werent on OLDing either For one, my real estate agent Two, this really sweet (and sexy) RN I work with. I was walking down the hall on the unit, I look up and the way he smiled at me was like.... It was one of those smiles a guy only gives a girl when theres something there. It was like electricity. I cant remember the last time a guy smiled at me like that. My head was probably too buried in my OLDing apps to notice I think some people find their SO on OLDing. But others find love when they least expect it. If OLDing is making you feel miserable....accept the fact that as much as you want it to...you cant force these things. I think you'll feel a weight lifted if you decide to walk away from it. I did. Its a lot of unnecessary pressure. It'll happen...but maybe not on your timeline. But thats life in a nut shell, right?
Chilli Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 (edited) Wonder how many people meet in forums. l dunno about anyone else but l can feel things in a forum and people l like or where there's something. Accidentally met gf in a forum too and although that hasn't worked out for other reasons, the feelings between us even through a computer and words were incredible really, amazing in fact. There's people here too but l guess the only thing wrong if you do feel something with someone in a forum you both could be anywhere, gf was, other side of the world, slight hick up. But otherwise , as a newly single male this last few yrs ,l've also taken a real shine to shopping. Highly underrated fellas give it a go , don't even have to buy anything just browse in places you like. And it's so refreshing , real , right there, you feel things with someone , you see each other, you check each other out and then start acting weird, it's beautiful , so real after the online stuff. Before l met gf back when l planned on doing some pubbing too and went a few times with a mate. But he's already with a gf so it wasn't quite the same and he can't go very often. But it was soooo refreshing , to just see someone, right there in front of you , feel things, eyeing each other and free to just go meet each other , right there. Trouble was l didn't really have anyone to go with apart from him and l can do a lot of things but pubs on my own , l dunno , for some reason l just have a lot of trouble with that one and l'm just not comfortable. Edited June 26, 2017 by Chilli
coolheadal Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 Wonder how many people meet in forums. l dunno about anyone else but l can feel things in a forum and people l like or where there's something. Accidentally met gf in a forum too and although that hasn't worked out for other reasons, the feelings between us even through a computer and words were incredible really, amazing in fact. There's people here too but l guess the only thing wrong if you do feel something with someone in a forum you both could be anywhere, gf was, other side of the world, slight hick up. But otherwise , as a newly single male this last few yrs ,l've also taken a real shine to shopping. Highly underrated fellas give it a go , don't even have to buy anything just browse in places you like. And it's so refreshing , real , right there, you feel things with someone , you see each other, you check each other out and then start acting weird, it's beautiful , so real after the online stuff. Before l met gf back when l planned on doing some pubbing too and went a few times with a mate. But he's already with a gf so it wasn't quite the same and he can't go very often. But it was soooo refreshing , to just see someone, right there in front of you , feel things, eyeing each other and free to just go meet each other , right there. Trouble was l didn't really have anyone to go with apart from him and l can do a lot of things but pubs on my own , l dunno , for some reason l just have a lot of trouble with that one and l'm just not comfortable. I don't want to go off topic but that seems right to me meet on here.. I never bothered to think about that at all. OLD or Facebook for me. Outside in the real world has been a challenge for me. Now that I have the experience to understand what's going on ONLINE, OFFLINE (real world) I've watched and see who's interested in who.. I still like ONLINE Because strangers are easy to talk too and thus share what's in common. There is no manual in our up bringing about how to stop a girl and say would you like to go out with me, but we all have fear of being rejected and that's why those who are not brawny (don't give a dam) and those who are sweet/nice/kind (care and feel hurt) this is what's going on on the man side. Women have the upper edge they like to be chase look at the cavemen days they chase after the women it was easy for them to pick one. We men can't even do that today.. LOL
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I stopped OLD few months back and have never been happier. I didn't even realize how deeply miserable it made me until I was waiting for my last first date (from OLD) in front of a restaurant. We were supposed to meet a 6pm but it was 6:05pm and he wasn't there. Instead of feeling down at the prospect of being stood up, I felt this hope and excitement. Maybe I am going to get to spend the whole evening at home watching movies! Maybe I won't have to make tedious conversation with another complete stranger! Yes! And if I am stood up, nobody can blame me for not trying! As I started to walk home at 6:20pm, I felt elated. Then I realized this is not a normal reaction to being stood up and decided to just...quit. 2
TheTraveler Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I met my current GF on OLD. She's wonderful. We are in love. We plan to move in together and marry once my divorce is final. Should be less than 60 days now! YAY! But, for OLD, when I was doing it, I think my attitude was different than most. If you're looking for the perfect match and ONLY seeing those you think will be perfect, or are looking for a LTR right off the bat, you will probably be disappointed. I always figured, meet people. Go out. Have a drink. If it's a horrible date, you can just stop contact. And you might have a funny story to tell on threads like this! Going out for a drink and a little casual conversation is better than another evening home alone. That was how I always looked at it anyway. Don't have high expectations. Just a hope for some good company. Then you won't be disappointed. And if the other person and you "click", great! If not, nothing is really lost. This is very good advice and this is what I do.
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