pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 I had a fwb relationship with this guy for four months, while he and his girlfriend were on a hiatus. Now they are back together, and they moved in together. He introduced us to each other, and I told him many times that I do not have feelings for him, and I am fine with this situation. We both appreciate our friendship. They live in another town, so I have not seen them since he went back with her, but we talk on the phone or Skype. When I talk with him, though, he avoids mentioning her, and he won't post any pictures of them together on social media. There are a lot of old pictures of them from last year on his fb page, but nothing since they are back together, and it's been almost two months. In fact, a friend of his posted pictures of them all, and he was quick to remove them. I'm puzzled by his behavior.
CC12 Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 A possibility could be that their relationship isn't going super well, and he doesn't want to advertise that they're back together so that if/when they break up, he won't have everyone asking about what happened. And maybe he doesn't talk to you about it because it feels strange to him to talk to you about another girl, given your past. Have you tried just asking him? 1
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 Thanks for replying! People in his circle know that they are back together. Considering that he avoids bringing her up in our conversations, I haven't asked him. I think he will try to find an excuse, and won't say the truth. He has shared with me many of his life secrets; he asks for advice on his work. He is secretive only when it comes to his girlfriend. 1
CC12 Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 You must have your own theory, right? Why do you think he's doing it?
PegNosePete Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 I'm not aware of any legal requirement to post pics on social media?? In other words: he can do as he pleases. Posting pics to social media, and the content of those pics, is purely optional.
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 You must have your own theory, right? Why do you think he's doing it? Not really. Otherwise I won't be here...
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 I'm not aware of any legal requirement to post pics on social media?? In other words: he can do as he pleases. Posting pics to social media, and the content of those pics, is purely optional. You're right. It's just so unlike him, because he used to post a lot of pics of them before. And in our conversations he acts as if he is single, meaning he won't mention her at all. Oh well, I might be overthinking this.
basil67 Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 Thanks for replying! People in his circle know that they are back together. Considering that he avoids bringing her up in our conversations, I haven't asked him. I think he will try to find an excuse, and won't say the truth. He has shared with me many of his life secrets; he asks for advice on his work. He is secretive only when it comes to his girlfriend. If he's shared it with everyone except you, then the only logical answer is that he doesn't want you knowing about the details of romantic relationship. Why? Only he can answer that.
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 If he's shared it with everyone except you, then the only logical answer is that he doesn't want you knowing about the details of romantic relationship. Why? Only he can answer that. I'll make myself clear again. In my first post I mentioned that he introduced us to each other. From then on, he won't mention her, and he won't post new pics of them. When one of our mutual friends posted pics of them including my ex-fwb and his gf, the ex quickly removed them. This is why I am puzzled. I know her, and I told him many times that I am fine with the situation, but he has clearly an issue with it. Time will tell, I guess. I'll try to ask him, though, and see what he says.
basil67 Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 Yes, I guess you could ask him. But if he wanted you to know, he would have told you already.
Purepony Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 He wants to appear single because he probably has other fwb s 1
stillafool Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 He doesn't want you and his other FWBs he was screwing around with to know what is going on in his relationship. Maybe his girl found out about all of you and this has caused problems for them. Maybe she is going to break up with him. Maybe he is grooming a brand new FWB and doesn't want her to see them. He already knows you know about his girl so he isn't doing it for you. Really, he and his girl are the only ones who can answer your questions. 1
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 Why would this be any concern of yours? Wouldn't you wonder if a friend of yours tells you his or her secrets, asks you for advice for friendship and professional matters, but remains secretive about their significant other, and does not show any new pictures of them on social media? I mean, if he was just a hookup without a friendship, I wouldn't care, but he is a good friend, and it was him who asked that we remain friends because he appreciates this friendship (I do too). We learn a lot from each other, intellectually at least.
Imajerk17 Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 (edited) You may be his friend but you are also his ex. Why does he need to share details of his current romantic relationship with an ex? I say not sharing everything is a sign of respect. And meanwhile I do find myself wondering why are you curious enough to write a thread on this in the first place. Most people I know don't think that hard about their platonic friends' love lives. They would just assume that is a part of their life they don't want to share now and leave it at that. Edited June 23, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
Whodatdog Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 Wouldn't you wonder if a friend of yours tells you his or her secrets, asks you for advice for friendship and professional matters, but remains secretive about their significant other, and does not show any new pictures of them on social media? I mean, if he was just a hookup without a friendship, I wouldn't care, but he is a good friend, and it was him who asked that we remain friends because he appreciates this friendship (I do too). We learn a lot from each other, intellectually at least. He's not a friend of yours, he's an ex with a new girlfriend. If he's hiding information about his relationship from you, he doesnt want you to know. 3
stillafool Posted June 23, 2017 Posted June 23, 2017 It seems like you still have feelings for him which means you cannot really be his friend. Whether you admit it or not you probably want more. You are setting yourself up to get hurt. 2
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted June 23, 2017 Author Posted June 23, 2017 It seems like you still have feelings for him which means you cannot really be his friend. Whether you admit it or not you probably want more. You are setting yourself up to get hurt. This might be true, and I might not have realized it. I might also have not realized that being an ex limits the friendship. Everybody's replies bring a new perspective, and help me see things from the ex's point of view. I was seeing things from my perspective only, and not realizing that the new situation imposes new boundaries. Thanks everyone for your replies! Glad I posted this question here! 1
IndigoNight Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 He could be posting the pictures, but excluding you from who is able to view them. His GF may know about your past FWB arrangement with him, and told him he is not to talk about their relationship with you. It could be any number of reasons, but the bottom line is what he chooses to share, or not share, is his choice, and he doesn't need to explain it to you or anyone else. 3
Author pasiamoureusequeca Posted August 6, 2017 Author Posted August 6, 2017 Here's the update to this story, which also answers the question I had asked, and to which some of you have already found the answer: We stayed friends, and he told me they were going to break up, but then decided to stay together (he didn't say why, and I didn't ask). Two days ago, he asked me to resume our fwb relationship, which means he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me. I refused, told him nicely that his request is humiliating and insulting to me, and decided to end the friendship. Surprisingly, I feel good about ending the friendship and all relation with him. No hard feelings or bitterness. I am relieved that I discovered that he is a cheater, and that he doesn't deserve my time and energy, and that I decided not to count him among my friends. It was a liberating decision. 2
Recommended Posts