vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 Okay so I posted something else earlier talking about dating and texting/communication but I'm also curious about something else. I've been dating someone for a little over a month now and I really like them. A couple of weeks ago they messaged me saying they needed to be upfront and said they didn't fall in love easily and didn't want to hurt me. I was confused so I asked what was up and they said they assumed I wanted a relationship that was gonna result in marriage. I was so confused cause i didn't know where he got that from when that was never something I talked about. They mentioned an incident a couple of days prior to that where we were cuddling and I just told him how much I liked him and never expected to and that it felt very heartfelt. He said he still wanted to keep dating me regardless but that he felt he needed to be honest and didn't want to let me think he could commit to that at the moment. I'm confused cause I've always been under the impression that you could have a loving, committed relationship but not be thinking of marriage? I mean I would like a serious relationship but marriage is not at all on the horizon for me atm (not even done with school, want to go to graduate school, get where I wanna be career wise, move out, etc.). We talked about it again and he said he wants a relationship but marriage isn't something he wants for some time. I've met all his friends, he talks about future things like throwing me a party for my birthday a couple months from now but I'm still a bit confused on what he wants. Does he just see us as a fun time? Is him saying this a red flag?
Life lessons Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 That's interesting that he'd mention that out of the blue! How old is he? Does he have his own place? I'm asking in hopes to get an understanding of his maturity level.
harrybrown Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 It could be a good idea to have the next conversation face to face. You could tell him about your education plans and not in a time table to get married next year. Ask him to be upfront about what he has in mind for your relationship. Not a fun conversation, but a good one to have and an important one. I would also ask him what caused his remarks and what are his intentions. If he is not ever going to be serious, good to know now.
Author vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 That's interesting that he'd mention that out of the blue! How old is he? Does he have his own place? I'm asking in hopes to get an understanding of his maturity level. He's 23 and he splits his time living at his parent's houses (they're divorced) bjt he said he's been looking at properties cause he wants to move out soon.
preraph Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 He's not wanting anything committed or serious, so he's not for you. He's too young to want to commit, really. He just wants regular sex. 1
Life lessons Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I agree with Preraph. It looks to be a case where he's making it clear that he doesn't look at your relationship as long term. Although you're lucky that he's advised you of this up front, instead of playing mind games with you. He is still very young. But I agree that it looks to be a "booty call."
Author vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 I agree with Preraph. It looks to be a case where he's making it clear that he doesn't look at your relationship as long term. Although you're lucky that he's advised you of this up front, instead of playing mind games with you. He is still very young. But I agree that it looks to be a "booty call." So should I just end things? Is it not worth having a talk with him about it and hearing him out?
Life lessons Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 So should I just end things? Is it not worth having a talk with him about it and hearing him out? Ultimately that's up to you. If it were me, I would just cut my losses considering he's already mentioned...for no apparent reason....that he's not looking for anything serious. I don't see where there is a reason or need to talk to him about it when he's already stated that. And not to mention the texting issue. I am also one of the ones that feel if someone is interested in you, they will make time for you considering it only takes a few seconds.
Redhead14 Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 Okay so I posted something else earlier talking about dating and texting/communication but I'm also curious about something else. I've been dating someone for a little over a month now and I really like them. A couple of weeks ago they messaged me saying they needed to be upfront and said they didn't fall in love easily and didn't want to hurt me. I was confused so I asked what was up and they said they assumed I wanted a relationship that was gonna result in marriage. I was so confused cause i didn't know where he got that from when that was never something I talked about. They mentioned an incident a couple of days prior to that where we were cuddling and I just told him how much I liked him and never expected to and that it felt very heartfelt. He said he still wanted to keep dating me regardless but that he felt he needed to be honest and didn't want to let me think he could commit to that at the moment. I'm confused cause I've always been under the impression that you could have a loving, committed relationship but not be thinking of marriage? I mean I would like a serious relationship but marriage is not at all on the horizon for me atm (not even done with school, want to go to graduate school, get where I wanna be career wise, move out, etc.). We talked about it again and he said he wants a relationship but marriage isn't something he wants for some time. I've met all his friends, he talks about future things like throwing me a party for my birthday a couple months from now but I'm still a bit confused on what he wants. Does he just see us as a fun time? Is him saying this a red flag? Ask him where he sees himself in say 2 to 5 years. If he's not thinking about marriage in the same time frame as you are looking to, then I wouldn't continue to date him seriously. Does he just see us as a fun time? -- I'd hope that at least . . . if it ain't fun, run. It's important to be on the same page as a dating partner in terms of overall dating goals to start with. You may not be able to say marriage/commitment early on, but the long-range goal should be the same.
smackie9 Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 When they start putting on the brakes on your feelings for them that means they are dating others and or want to keep their options open. He isn't the one for you....
Author vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 Ask him where he sees himself in say 2 to 5 years. If he's not thinking about marriage in the same time frame as you are looking to, then I wouldn't continue to date him seriously. Does he just see us as a fun time? -- I'd hope that at least . . . if it ain't fun, run. It's important to be on the same page as a dating partner in terms of overall dating goals to start with. You may not be able to say marriage/commitment early on, but the long-range goal should be the same. I mean I don't have a specific time range for marriage. When it happens, it happens. But I do want a relationship. We do have fun when we're together of course but that's not all I want. I'm not asking for a wedding ring lol. Just a stable partner I can rely on.
Recommended Posts