Butlerist Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 (edited) Hi guys A few months ago, I went online whilst I was in Germany and got in touch with a girl. She refused to meet me, but I got back to London and we kept in touch. For a while we messaged and one day I got hospitalised for 3 weeks. After coming home, she ended up sending me a lovely package with goodies and a small letter thanking me for all of the lovely sexual fantasies I wrote her and how she was grateful I walked into her life. It was a lovely gift from her and I thought it was very sweet. She would send me ‘good day’ videos of herself, dressed up and blowing kisses and winks, which were always muted and made me think that she possibly had them done before and sent to others, but I could be wrong. When I asked her casually about it, her mobile phone microphone was not working. Now, I've done long distance twice before, once for 4 months and another time for 2yrs. The latter ended around 18months ago and I saw the effects it had. Skype sessions, the flights, the missing each other like crazy when you leave and feeling like you feel empty or miss the individual. So I'm not at all scarred, but just know that in the end, you will reach the 'How are we going to move this forward?' and for me it's sitting there fresh. About her: She's an avid reader of philosophy and classical music and surrounds herself with poetry, writers and books in general. She is 32 and is about to finish law to become a criminal barrister. Once every now and then, she would send me a poem written by someone about 'love' etc. She paints and loves art and is definitely imaginative and builds a world of fantasy for herself with the writers she surrounds herself with. I stated I was uncomfortable of visits, but she said 'no risk, no fun' so came. I booked her place and met her and I found her to be sweet. She came with a load of gifts which I told her was overly nice. She came with me to the hospital to get my stitches taken out too. We both missed each other after she left. But then she sent me a long message of how she felt like she had a feeling of love in her heart and that she could feel me everywhere, kissing her neck and shoulders and that she couldn't go on like this as I wasn't there. I agreed and felt like I missed her too and that's what I meant about long distance. Less than two days later, she did a U-turn and said she wanted to give it a shot. I told her that I would think about it all as I didn't know if this was what I wanted to pursue based on my past experience. On a few occasions, we would have a 'drama' moment and she would be distant and I told her 'you can come across quite harsh at times you know that?' to which she responded in a self-righteous way of how I am the rude one, thinking that she is a doll to be played with and how it was so hard for her to express herself in this way to me about wanting to try and these things are not easy. I was a little taken back as I am genuinely always understanding but thought it was harsh. I had to go to a wedding to Germany and in the end made the effort to visit her for the entire day. When I met her, she had a photo of me on her mobile screen saver, which I thought was a bit early! We had a lovely time together and she was very sweet. She took me to her favourite places and was very accommodating and kept on paying for everything. She told me in the past that her ex-boyfriend would contact her every now and then to talk and would bad mouth his current girlfriend and how she didn't like it and didn't want to answer his calls most of the time. We then walked past the shop her ex-boyfriend owns and she said 'is it okay for me to say hello to him and took me into the shop and spoke to him and introduced me to him. Nice guy. At this point, it had been 4months of contact. I still had mixed feelings. I returned to London and did miss her. On one recent weekend, she suddenly became very distant for two days, one word responses etc. I lightly pressed to ask what’s up and she kept the conversation short and said she was fine. On the second day of this, I called and got it out of her and she said it was a falling out with her father that made her feel this way. I just felt like that sudden withdrawal was quite drastic, yet I understood. She has a facebook profile name that was different to her real name. The facebook profile was linked to her online dating. So one day she tells me that whilst studying on the river banks a guy approached her and flirted with her. She apparently called her friend to ask her to come so they could be introduced to her instead to get him off her back. Later on she told me the guy had messaged her on fbook. When I asked her ‘but you told me you weren’t interested in this guy, how did he message you?’. She said ‘if you look up my real name, it comes up’. I told her ‘but your profile name is not the same as your real name, so you would have had to give it out deliberately?’. She went quiet, but I said ‘look it’s cool, you’ve done nothing wrong’. I left it. She then asked to visit during her birthday. When I told her those dates aren’t good as I was helping to move someone from their flat, she told me that she was saddened and angry that on her own birthday I could not even give her the option to come and that she was even willing to visit and help my friend with the move etc. She accepted it, but I just thought to myself 'we've only met twice'. This led me to further open things up. I messaged her that this is hard for me. She then turned around and wrote a long message that this was a wakeup call for her and that she accepted how I felt, but that she thought we should stop contact for some time and perhaps we could be friends later on. I wrote an affectionate letter to say how I felt about her and I thought she was wonderful and sweet, but that the distance was still there and I hoped she would understand. It got her emotional and she U-turned on it and said how she felt about me and had the warm feelings of love and that if we gave it a shot, who knows perhaps I would end up being the one she marries and have little ones with and that she was not my ex-girlfriend and that there are endless possibilities to it all and how it was quite cowardly to throw all of this away when we had a rather special bond and understanding. I stuck to my guns, in the nicest way and told her I just felt like there was pressure. She then told me 'look, if this is your decision, then I have to accept it but I believe you are making a mistake but your excuse about distance is B.S. You will throw something great away without trying and you are bringing excuses when I have told you I can come and visit you every few weeks and I have flexibility to spend time with you. Just know that if that is your decision, I will never pick up your calls or answer you and we will be over as I can’t go on like this. I am a strong woman and I am happy, so don’t feel sad for me. I have to know tonight what the situation is and be clear. And I promise you one thing, you won't find someone who is like me!'. We spoke for a while. She then said in a very loving and affectionate way 'i will give you some more time to think about it'. I have felt as though she can be very giving and affectionate and caring and damn hilarious. She is very thoughtful too. At the same time, I feel like she is quite self-righteous and albeit she is quite open to the whole long distance as it is her first time, that she is quite pushy about it by telling me how things need to be tried out. I know I probably would never do that if someone told me they didn't feel comfortable, I would accept it and wouldn't give ultimatums. When I was with her, it was all very lovey dovey and sweet. But I feel as though her real character could possibly be needy? And perhaps not everything is as honest as it is made out to be? Thanks for reading guys Butlerist Edited June 22, 2017 by Butlerist
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