vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 So I've been dating this guy for a little over a month now. Everything's been going good but one small thing has been bugging me. I don't know what the standard texting habits for a couple (dating versus official relationship) is but often he'll go a couple hours (4 or 5) without texting me (versus my friend and the guy she's dating who text each other literally every hour) or sometimes he'll wait until the afternoon to text me rather than sending a good morning text. I know he gets busy (he works and has two chronically ill parents who don't drive) but could this be an indication that he's not that into me? Sometimes I'll see that he's on his social media but he isn't texting me. I'm absolutely not saying he owes me every second of his free time btw. You just always here the whole "If someone wants to text/call you, they will", "If someone wants to free up their time for you, they will", "It takes two seconds to send a text" etc. 1
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 Not everyone is addict to texting. My BF and I don't text. He calls me once a day, we update each other and make plans. I trust him, I know he's into me, I know I will see him tonight or tomorrow so why text? Every couple is different. Using your friend as an example is dangerous. I don't know any grown up man that enjoys texting all day. I'd say a couple that text each hour of the day has less chances of making it than a couple that gives each other some healthy space during the day. 2
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 There is no standard texting for relationships. Each couple is different. What works for one couple may not work for another. He is obviously busy but does keep in touch so I don't see anything to worry about.
salparadise Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I don't know what the standard texting habits for a couple (dating versus official relationship) is but often he'll go a couple hours (4 or 5) without texting me (versus my friend and the guy she's dating who text each other literally every hour) or sometimes he'll wait until the afternoon to text me rather than sending a good morning text. [...] I'm absolutely not saying he owes me every second of his free time btw. You just always here the whole "If someone wants to text/call you, they will", "If someone wants to free up their time for you, they will", "It takes two seconds to send a text" etc. No? Well that's what it sounds like. Drop the expectations, appreciate and enjoy your relationship. I wouldn't be able to deal with someone who expected texting every hour of every day. That's nuts! 5
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I will agree that what works for one couple may not work for another. Some people are just bad texters while others blow it up. It's really hard to lock this down in a one-size-fits-all nugget. You said it yourself, 'everything's been going good' otherwise. Why are you looking to find fault in your relationship then? I think YOU need to figure out what it is YOU need in the relationship and that includes the amount of texting or connection you need through out the day. If you need much more than he's giving you then you might have to let him know this and see what he says/does. If you're only feeling this way because of what you see happening in other relationships, then that's a problem. Stop comparing notes and using other relationships as a barometer for your own. It's misleading at best. As for him not texting yet active on social media, I'm guessing you're both still quite young in which case social media is not only an escape but an addiction for many people. If he works hard and has two ill parents to worry about, I can see how an escape would be necessary in order to cope. At the end of the day you need to remember that you're only a month and a bit into this relationship. It's still very new and you're both still trying to figure out how to navigate things. I'm not trying to dismiss your concerns or downplay social media (I have very strong opinions about it) but I think it's important to take a breath and put things into perspective rather than jump to a million conclusions unnecessarily. Worry when there is good reason to worry. Don't let your insecurity ruin a good thing. Good luck.
Ieris Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I've had boyfriends who have sent me 100+ messages a day and I've had some who text me once a day. So there really is no standard, every person is different and not everyone is a fan of small talk. Even if your ex did this and that, it doesn't mean your next boyfriend will so you just have to take time to adapt. If you're waiting around for text messages all day then that tells me you're not doing much with your time. You said yourself he is a busy guy and has to look after his parents so what do you expect?
lovebirds Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 Agree with posts above, especially when you've only been dating for a month. Some couples text a couple of times throughout the day, because they have stuff to discuss: -can you pick this up for me? -what are we having for dinner? -look at this picture that reminds me of our camping trip from two summers ago! - I found that brand of cereal you've been craving!! - have you seen my keys? When you're just getting to know each other I'd focus on the quality of the time you spend in person to judge if he's really that into you or not. Also some people are just into lots of texting, some are not.
Maggie4 Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 Problem with getting many texts from him at all hours, is that you have to reply to them. Do you really want that? So much work typing all the time. It stops you from living a normal life. 1
Life lessons Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I agree with other posters in the sense that not everybody likes to text, but I also agree with you, OP....it only takes a couple of seconds to send a good morning text or to reply back. Now that I've read your later post, I have a feeling he may not be that into you. If I were you, I'd lie low for a bit and see if he initiates the next conversation. With that said, if I were in your situation, I would view these things as red flags. Maybe you're just a hookup to him!?
Author vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 I agree with other posters in the sense that not everybody likes to text, but I also agree with you, OP....it only takes a couple of seconds to send a good morning text or to reply back. Now that I've read your later post, I have a feeling he may not be that into you. If I were you, I'd lie low for a bit and see if he initiates the next conversation. With that said, if I were in your situation, I would view these things as red flags. Maybe you're just a hookup to him!? I feel like I should mention that he does message me daily (him initiating). Just sometimes he goes some hours without texting.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I feel like I should mention that he does message me daily (him initiating). Just sometimes he goes some hours without texting. And there you have it. Don't go looking for problems where there aren't any.
Zip Silver Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 If a guy was going days without texting me I'd worry. You're texting daily. He's initiating. You have nothing to worry about. Try and phrase this another way and you'll see how ridiculous it sounds: I expect my boyfriend to never go more than a couple hours without sending me a text. There's a lot wrong with that. You guys have lives to lead I assume. Man, I often go five or six or eight hours without texting with my partner but when we do text we'll send a string back and forth chatting like a conversation before we say goodbye or go silent again. Sounds like you're looking at your friend and desiring the type of obsession her partner is showing her. But texting constantly means nothing other than that the person likes texting, has tonnes of free time and is addicted to their phone. Focus on whether you feel valued, like the R is progressing well, and whether you're spending time together in person and deepening your bond. One month in if a guy was texting me constantly I'd be seriously worried and put off, I'd wonder if he was clingy or had no life!
stillafool Posted June 22, 2017 Posted June 22, 2017 I feel like I should mention that he does message me daily (him initiating). Just sometimes he goes some hours without texting. Does he work, go to school, work out? What would he have to say if he texts every hour?
Author vintageluna Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 Does he work, go to school, work out? What would he have to say if he texts every hour? Yeah he works and goes to school and like I mentioned in the original post, has two parents who are chronically ill and can't drive. I completely understand all of this but then I see he's on his social media and you always here well if someone wants to text you they will and all that. Idk.
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