sundrop Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 My ex and I broke up about a month ago, after a 3 year realtionship. I broke up with him, because I wanted to know if we had a future and he couldn't tell me we did. I am 31 and would like to get married and have a family at some point and he's not ready. So as much as it pains me I had to end the relationship, after two weeks of talking and him unable to tell me the very least that he see me in his future at some point. This is what I don't get..... He called me last Saturday night, late, I was asleep, asking me if I knew that his best friend who lives half was across the country, who I had only met twice, if I knew that his wife left him. (How would I know?) He buys my dog a dog toy, to keep him company (my other dog passed away) He calls my friend who is also his neighbor and ask her once a week how I am doing.... He knows I would take him back if he is able to commit.... But why does he do this? I just don't get it....
FWIW Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 He still cares about you, misses you a lot, but is scared of getting tied down. If you want to share your life with him you'll have to keep talking to him. If simply BEING MARRIED and having kids is more important to you than he is, then move on and forget about it. You have to decide what you want most. Tough old choice, isn't it? Good luck!!
Author sundrop Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 Thanks for the reply, at least it is what I wanted to hear at the moment. The sad part is I want it all with him and wish he felt the same way.
Author sundrop Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 He sent me a text message yesterday, saying he toy he bought my dog was outside in his carport ready to be picked up and that his bestfriend who wife left him was in a world of sh*t. He doesn't hate me and he is just trying to keep his sanity. I replied back to his text sorry to hear about his friend. And I just went by and picked up the toy and didn't leave a note or anything. This is so hard.
lawrence1770 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 We were married 30 years feb 4 -05 she moved out, took most of all our possessions. left me 2 sons ages 15 and 20 off she went. Surprise! This week I got full custody of my 16 year old son, plus child support. She got 3 hrs a week visitation. Yep, I am struggling now. I learned to cook, wash clothes, shop for food. I must be honest. Sometimes I cry because I am worried about what will happen to us. Oh yes, she has a high-powered lawyer but I have God on my side. It's tough, but I soldier on each and every day. I hope someday that I can meet a nice, decent woman who would appreciate a man who made so many sacrifices to say his children. My oldest son had a suicide attempt. I got him to the hospital. He was in a coma, but he survived. I broke my shoulder carrying his body down the stairs. With minutes to spare, he was saved. You see? Her abandonment made me stronger.
Chubby2 Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Hi sundrop, be strong I hope you'll cope...I'm about 48hrs away from a break-up myself...I've got to initiate, similar circumstances, except I'm the one with commitment fears. Comes down to whether I see my partner as the mother of my children, and being together for the rest of our lives, but sadly after 2 1/2 years I know this isn't the case. Reasons: many - but mostly because as a partnership I don't think we have what it takes, we both need another to get us through most things, and neither of us could carry the other when it comes to rasing a family. I know I'd have to support her immensely and I just don't think I could cope with that and I don't want to enter into something I know I can't handle....maybe theres some of that with you & your bloke....anyhow, good luck hope you get through it and find a happier place on the other side. I am filled with fear and loathing for the upcoming.....
strangelove Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 Im really sorry he sends out confusing messages sundrop and now I can see the frustration I have caused women. My brother and his girlfriend recently bought a house togetehr I guess they have been together for 5 yrs or so. They are not married. Theres alot of long term couples that arent married. I think one of best ones is the famous Gene simmons /.shannon tweed. However being a woman you seek security and marriage offers that I suspose or does it? Im really sorry about your situation heres a hug "HUGS" . What do you feel like doing?
Author sundrop Posted August 18, 2005 Author Posted August 18, 2005 Dr. Strangelove, I am ike you, I want my ex back even though I broke up with him, because he couldn't give me the future i wanted. I regret doing it, but i am also torn, to wanting a family at some point and knowing he wasn't ready to move past the point were we at and he couldn't tell me if he would ever be. He is an awesome person and my best friend and he treated me like a queen. But wanting more kept tugging at my heart. We come from two different back grounds. I came from a good family getting just about everything I wanted in reason and he came from a struggling farming family, only getting the necesities he needed. Now I think it is time for him to play, he has a good job and wants to play with his toys he now can afford. Which I don't blame him for that at all. I even wanted to help him rebuild his old Camero, he has been collecting parts for. I thought it would be fun. He was in a bad marriage and has been divorced for 10 years and she milked him for what he was worth at the time. So I am holding out hope to some extent that for the most part he will get the playing out of his system and miss me and see how good we are for each other at some point. We knows, he knows I would take him back in a heart beat if he ever changed his mind.
Chubby2 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Hi Sundrop, hope you're holding up OK, its such a tough place to be to love him like that but know he's not ready....does he also fear getting taken to the cleaners again? Because that would be very hard to deal with....we all work hard to get what we have and to see it all walk off must be pretty devastating....I'd say your fella may have some deep rooted trust issues he may need some help dealing with....just some thoughts...the whole finance thing can be very troubling, I guess with the way settlements tend to go the guys can often end up in a pretty bad place. take care Chubby
Author sundrop Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Thanks Chubby, Hope you are doing well, with your situation. I had asked him if he thought I was in it for the money, and he honestly said no, he knows i love him unconditionally, when he lost his job and we were apart one time he called me and asked me to come over, he needed me, I told him I ddn't care where he worked or how much money he had, as long as he was happy. I actually wanted him to persue his hobby or restoring & customizing cars and motorcycles, but he wouldn't do it and I would have supported him financially 100% or as much as I could. I come from a decent family and my ex husband was in it for my money and my ex boyfriend knew that too. We hav kept incontact a little through all this, just by text messaging. And I would have to say I am just about done with that. I tried to call him a few times at first but he wouldn't anwser any of my phone calls, if I left him a message he would reply with a text message. He has been sending me texts about his friends divorce, like AJ is havig a bad tme dealing with this, or AJ is doing better, etc..... But I hae to say, I am doing better, trying not to second guess anything anymore.
Chubby2 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop I come from a decent family and my ex husband was in it for my money and my ex boyfriend knew that too. We hav kept incontact a little through all this, just by text messaging. And I would have to say I am just about done with that. I tried to call him a few times at first but he wouldn't anwser any of my phone calls, if I left him a message he would reply with a text message. He has been sending me texts about his friends divorce, like AJ is havig a bad tme dealing with this, or AJ is doing better, etc..... But I hae to say, I am doing better, trying not to second guess anything anymore. thats pretty tough, the txt thing certainly has some downsides, very hard to keep comms real as a lot of opps for reading btw the lines...def agree not to second guess as this can lead to mixed messages and that can be dangerous in a fragile situation...but sounds like you're letting go....which is really positive.....build your confidence and before too long you'll be back on your own two feet and everything will come back into focus....on and up sundrop!!! yay!!!
Author sundrop Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 I saw him today for the first time and it went ok. I had a family emergancy and he came to the rescue.(again) We had about five minuets to chat and we chatted about how my dad was doing (he was in the hospital) and about his work for a few minutes. But I did pretty good, I think, but I don't want him to want to be "friends" and think it's cool that we can hang out. I did leave him a nice message on his phone, thanking him for coming to the rescue, he really didn't need to but I do appreciate it, and that I am his biggest cheerleader and this thing he has to do at work will turn out great. I'm a little sad because I did see him, but still feel good at the same time.
Gottabestrong Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Dear sundrop, seems I am in the same situation as you are, just a year ahead. I hope you will feel better than me a year from now and things between you two will have been resolved one way or the other. I wish I could give you advice, but I am still not sure what the best thing to do is, so I better dont. The only thing I believe is to trust your gut-feeling and intution. Lots of luck!
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