daylightsa Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 (edited) Rethought this question, don't know how to delete it. Sorry! Thank you! Edited June 21, 2017 by daylightsa
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 What is he doing to solve his problem? I hate complainers that don't do anything to change their situation. At 2,5 month dating you don't have the solid base to endure this. It will grow old pretty fast. A man would tell me only ONCE that he's not sure he should date me...I'd be gone. I hate people sitting between 2 chairs. It does not fit well with my character.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I went to quote your post and the quote that appeared says you 'rethought your post'...does this mean you no longer need advice??
Redhead14 Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 I met a man off of a dating site about 2.5 months ago. We hit it off instantly. We talk every day, see each other 3-5 times a week, and just.. get along swimmingly. As of a few days ago he even invited me to an event in the middle of August, so it's clear he's thinking of us in the future. Yesterday he revealed to me an intensely dark family secret, something he said he felt he owed me to help explain some facets of his personality. Overall he has done EVERYTHING a guy should do when dating a girl - planning dates, phone calls, little gifts, he remembers everything about me, asks questions about me, has told his family and friends about me, etc. etc. We are exclusive, and began a sexual relationship about 1.5 months into things. Anyhow... he is miserable with his job. It is physically and mentally exhausting him. He talks about it frequently, which is fine, I am happy to listen and lend a supportive shoulder to cry on. He's currently on day 13 straight of working 10+ hours days, and it's close to killing him. I'm just concerned... he says frequently that he feels he should be more stable before dating someone, that he's probably not in the best mind set to be dating, etc. It worries me. He is a bit of an impulsive fellow so part of me is terrified he's going to one day think "What am I doing?! I shouldn't be dating!" and dump me. He said something today via text along the same lines: "I just feel I should be less crazy before I date someone... I dunno." I fully plan on calling him tonight and discussing this with him, but I thought I'd get some insight first. I do not want to break up with this guy... he makes my heart flutter and I can see myself falling for him. But at the same time - I have been hurt a LOT in the last 6 months and don't need to be hurt again. Do you think I should take a step back and put the breaks on here so he can sort his life out, or just stick with it, continue being supportive, and see what happens? Has anyone been in this type of situation? Thank you! He has thrown several, what I call disclaimers at you -- intensely dark family secret, something he said he felt he owed me to help explain some facets of his personality. he says frequently that he feels he should be more stable before dating someone "I just feel I should be less crazy before I date someone... I dunno." He's acknowledging that this revelation causes him/affects him in ways that are likely unhealthy for him and a relationship. It's a "hey, I've got issues, so don't expect too much from me. Date me at your own peril". He is fully aware of the fact that he is not in a position mentally or emotionally to be a good partner. And, you are right, he may very likely have a come to Jesus moment and back away. If you two have not declared that you are in a relationship yet, I'd give him lots of space. Tread lightly here and protect your heart. Be wary of the fact that people in his "state of mind", etc., often pull away from their partners and this is hurtful to the partner. It will happen over and over again. If his job is making him miserable, it's time for him to find a new job . . . What has his previous relationship history been like?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 21, 2017 Posted June 21, 2017 Regardless, I'm going to answer... I'm with Gaeta on this one. It concerns me that you're only 2.5 months into this relationship and you're "terrified" he will up and breakup with you despite the fact that he's been telling you on numerous occasions he doesn't feel fit to be in a relationship? You don't have to hit me on the head with a frying pan more than once to know this is all the evidence you need to pump the brakes with this guy. If you're that frightened of getting hurt, it would stand to reason to avoid men who have a habit of telling you to your face they aren't ready to be in a relationship. Seems pretty simple to me. Good luck.
Recommended Posts