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High School Flame and ended up working together

divaqueenofdiamonds

By divaqueenofdiamonds
in General Relationship Discussion

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divaqueenofdiamonds New Member

divaqueenofdiamonds

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This is a post in hope to get answers. I had a high school flame I dated for several years. We ended up breaking up after I caught him with my best friend who I had met through him. His mother was always judging me and pushing us apart and pulling this girl in. When we broke up all contact was cut off.

 

Me and her the new gf who ended up marrying made admends and let by gones be by gones. But me and him still never spoke about it.Recently I got hired at a job and had no idea he worked there. He made it known to my boss that we had been in a relationship 15 years ago and asked if I could be civil and work together of course I said yes. I knew it would be awkward but we moved on and I was happy and still happy in my marriage. He just recently left and moved to a office across town and now we dont have to see each other everyday.

 

But while we worked together he only would speak if it was work related and basically acted like I never existed but did tell several co workers about our past. I never would see him til I got hired and now I am constanty seeing him around town .I dont think we/either one got closure from the break up. We were each others first in everything ...He was my highschool sweetheart/flame... So wondering if next time i see him i should say hello and try to just make small talk?

 

I would love to be able to friends since we both have kids and spouses now. Ive heard his marriage isnt the best and is a big show from several people close to him. I think we would have been ok if his mother had not pushed us apart and basically moved this girl in the picture........Any advice... I guess Im looking for closure.....PS We broke up 15 years ago..:o

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healing light Established Member

healing light

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Posted

Why are you constantly seeing him around town? Is it random? What is his reaction when you bump into him? Does he just ignore you and pretend he hasn't seen you?

 

I think it's kind of odd after all this time that he was concerned about if things would be civil enough to be able to have a professional relationship with you, and that he told all his coworkers about your guys' past. Especially since he is the one who cheated...

 

I suppose a friendly wave or smile when you see him wouldn't do any harm, though I would really evaluate what exactly it is that you want here. I wouldn't try to initiate communication beyond that if there's any part of you that still wants something romantic from him. Especially seeing as how he's made his bed and has to lie in it, and you have a spouse, as well. Also, it does not sound like you owe him an apology or anything like that to clear your conscience with him. Do you want him to know you forgive him or...? Do you have lingering feelings for him?

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divaqueenofdiamonds New Member

divaqueenofdiamonds

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I want us to be able to be civil and be able to say hello w/o both of us having to look down and pretend we never existed. Its a small town so its not uncommon to see people on a regular basis but I never saw him really at all til I started my new job. Im very happy with my marriage but would like to still be able to be civil and speak.His wife and I speak all the time....

Maldives Established Member

Maldives

Posted
Posted
:oThis is a post in hope to get answers. I had a high school flame I dated for several years. We ended up breaking up after I caught him with my best friend who I had met through him. His mother was always judging me and pushing us apart and pulling this girl in. When we broke up all contact was cut off. Me and her the new gf who he ended up marrying made amends and let by gones be by gones. But me and him still never spoke about it not a good bye or nothing .Recently I got hired at a job and had no idea he worked there. He made it known to my boss that we had been in a relationship 15 years ago and asked if I could be civil and work together of course I said yes. I knew it would be awkward but we moved on and I was happy and still happy in my marriage. He just recently left and moved to a office across town and now we dont have to see each other everyday. But while we worked together he only would speak if it was work related and basically acted like I never existed but did tell several co workers about our past. I never would see him til I got hired and now I am constantly seeing him around town and he acts like I never existed and he is having to avoid me .We dont think we neither one got closure from the break up. We were each others first in everything ...He was my highschool sweetheart/flame... So wondering if next time i see him i should say hello and try to just make small talk? I would love to be able to friends since we both have kids and spouses now. Ive heard his marriage isnt the best and is a big show from several people close to him. I think we would have been ok if his mother had not pushed us apart and basically moved this girl in the picture........Any advice... I guess Im looking for closure.....PS We broke up 15 years ago..

 

Do u really still need closure from something u had that ended 15 yrs ago? thats a long time.

 

I guess i ask because i had a gf well its been 20 yrs but time has just dissipitated what we had and its a long time gone now i never got any closure from her but its been so long now i dont even think about it or her or most importantly why but i guess if its important for u why not.

 

I'd be subtle about it though now u and him are married and all that.

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divaqueenofdiamonds New Member

divaqueenofdiamonds

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I guess Im just hoping to quit making things odd when we see each other.To where we can say hi and such and nothing more. I dont like the feeling of having to walk on eggshells around him and I would just like to be normal and be able to speak on a normal level...I have told my husband about having to work with him and he knows he dosent speak to me..

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted

It's been 15 years and you're both married.

 

Just leave the past in the past and don't try to be friends with him. It's not a good idea.

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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diva,

Sometimes we have to get closure ourselves and not from others.

 

I agree you should leave the past in the past, as nothing good will come out of this.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
I guess Im just hoping to quit making things odd when we see each other.To where we can say hi and such and nothing more. I dont like the feeling of having to walk on eggshells around him and I would just like to be normal and be able to speak on a normal level...I have told my husband about having to work with him and he knows he dosent speak to me..

 

If that's the case, why make mention of the fact that you've heard his marriage isn't good and it's for show? How is that relevant to being able to just say hello when you see him?

 

I'm sorry, but I'm skeptical that this is just about acknowledging each other in public.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Leave him alone.

If he happened to be the last man on the planet then fair enough speak to him but I feel no good will come of this.

He is keeping his distance for a reason, and you are both married.

Who cares if his marriage is bad or good?

You certainly shouldn't be concerned.

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mercy Established Member

mercy

Posted
Posted

No good can come from this.

 

Careful with your thoughts.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Good grief, you're still soft for this guy who did your best friend. Good people don't do that! You already know his mother hates you and also has influence over him. This can't go anywhere. He went around trying to ruin you at your new job and then got a transfer away from you -- and now you want to get all chummy with him and have closure??? Your closure was when he betrayed you with your friend and when his mother rejected you. How many chances are you going to give this guy to ruin your life again? Are you hoping he'll ruin your marriage? Because he sure might. He has no regrets and you can tell because he's trying to mess you up at this job by talking about this and I'm sure he's NOT telling them all the bad stuff HE did.

 

Be glad he's gone and don't even speak to him on the street.He doesn't care about you.

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