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Meh. Kinda long, be gentle on me! But, is he clearly not interested or am i silly?

VanessaCarly

By VanessaCarly
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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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Okay met a guy about a week ago, i invited him over we had drinks [by my choice] went to the beach, had a sand fight, cuddled etc. He tried to sleep with me but i wasn't having it that day, so nope. We did kiss though. I didn't have any problem with it bc im not looking for a boyfriend per say. Fine with casual. Dont normally move this fast with a guy but I honestly wasnt minding it.

 

He invited me to breakfast even tho he worked until 6:30am, met up with me at 730! We went, he paid it was fun. We get along great, we can both joke and just be chill with each other. We like to pick on each other and make each other laugh. He also bought me dinner, and we ended up hooking up at his apartment. We spent all day hanging

 

I accidentally cried after [im going thru a LOT right now] it was so so so embarrassing. He held my hand though and hugged me, and cuddled me etc making sure to comfort me. He asked me if i was OK. i definitely made him feel awkward..but He was NOT mean to me about it at all. The sex kinda sucked, lol But I love hanging out with him for his personality. And I honestly enjoy his company.

 

I text him later on because he told me to txt him when I made it safely. I was like "Oh yeah" And he was like "seriously, do!". He told me we should def hangout again in the future etc.

 

And we both admitted we had a lot of fun together, he said I'm a cool *** girl whether we had sex or not. So he was never a **** to me at all. He works in customer service so hes super polite to other people as well. He seems to pay attention to me bc he'll say like i notice things about you, like you seem OCD.

 

he's not much of a texter, and he works a **** ton of hours [restaurant hours], so we dont text often at all, but together in person have g8 chemistry. I would like to continue to see him, but I am def not pushing.

 

we've known each other for a week....so after all this, i asked him to go for coffee sometime. this is how the convo went:

 

 

 

"Wanna have coffee sometime?" - me

 

Sure thang - him

 

When? - me

 

Maybe Wed or thurs? - him

 

Ok that should work - me

 

Kk - him

 

Mhmm just gotta let me know the time in advance - Me

 

Elll yeaaa - him

 

Two?? - him

 

"Alright! that'll prolly work!" - me

 

that was last night, then around noon today I said "Yo what day do you wanna do?"

 

No reply yet from that and that was at 11:30, 5 hours ago. I have to know bc i have kids, etc. cant just leap when he says leap.

 

Maybe its just not what im used to, but he just seems really short with me.

 

 

Is this normal behavior, or responses? like yeah he told me the first night we met that he works lke 60+ hours and is really independent and not a lot of time to text.

 

 

:| soooooooo idk if i am being overly needy, OR if he is clearly NOT interested! he will never not reply. he just takes HOURS to do so.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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You said in your post that you are not looking for a boyfriend yet you want him to treat you like a girlfriend. You are stressing that it has been 5 hours and you haven't heard from him. If your relationship is casual (FWB) then let it play out that way. You should be chill and if you go for coffee today then fine; if not so what another day when he is less busy. You are already getting serious that is why you came to LoveShack.

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Sprince92 Member

Sprince92

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is this the first tiem you guys have texted?

he respoonded and agreed to meeting and even gave you a time. he might just be a bad texter

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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You said in your post that you are not looking for a boyfriend yet you want him to treat you like a girlfriend. You are stressing that it has been 5 hours and you haven't heard from him. If your relationship is casual (FWB) then let it play out that way. You should be chill and if you go for coffee today then fine; if not so what another day when he is less busy. You are already getting serious that is why you came to LoveShack.

 

well thats what m saying. i thought FWB would work, but I DONT know why i feel like this. I do like him. He has a really great personality. ughh. i dddnt thnk i would end up liking him.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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is this the first tiem you guys have texted?

he respoonded and agreed to meeting and even gave you a time. he might just be a bad texter

 

No, we usually text everyday since we met, well with the exception of one day he didnt contact me, so I sent something to him.

 

But his texts are very sporadic, and random. it feels like he is beginning to text me LESS. and he already is a very short texter towards me. Maybe i am taking it too personally? Should I just chill out, and give him a chance?

 

When we are together...he acts like my bf :| he cuddles, rubs my back/hands, hugs, kisses me, and even fell asleep on my lap. I think it messed with my head.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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When we are together...he acts like my bf :| he cuddles, rubs my back/hands, hugs, kisses me, and even fell asleep on my lap. I think it messed with my head.

 

I keep telling women that means nothing more than a person who likes human touch. They don't have to love you to do those things. No guy (even a FWB) is going to just stick it in without some type of affection first. Guys are human also.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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When we are together...he acts like my bf :| he cuddles, rubs my back/hands, hugs, kisses me, and even fell asleep on my lap. I think it messed with my head.

 

Guys can do all those things without having any attachment to you. Don't project what intimacy means to you on others.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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I keep telling women that means nothing more than a person who likes human touch. They don't have to love you to do those things. No guy (even a FWB) is going to just stick it in without some type of affection first. Guys are human also.

 

Hmm ok! Makes sense.

 

 

So is it likely he isnt really interested?

Sprince92 Member

Sprince92

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No, we usually text everyday since we met, well with the exception of one day he didnt contact me, so I sent something to him.

 

But his texts are very sporadic, and random. it feels like he is beginning to text me LESS. and he already is a very short texter towards me. Maybe i am taking it too personally? Should I just chill out, and give him a chance?

 

When we are together...he acts like my bf :| he cuddles, rubs my back/hands, hugs, kisses me, and even fell asleep on my lap. I think it messed with my head.

 

I think you should let it play out the way it is going. its hard cause you already have feelings clearly but it can either end with you being hurt c or it could just be the way he is but honestly it seems like hes just kinda busy and he probably isnt that deeply in yet.

 

if you guys are good in person than technology shoudlnt come in the way. go to get coffee with hima nd see how his attitude is. if he is the same as before thn youre fine.

 

dont worry :)

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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I think you should let it play out the way it is going. its hard cause you already have feelings clearly but it can either end with you being hurt c or it could just be the way he is but honestly it seems like hes just kinda busy and he probably isnt that deeply in yet.

 

if you guys are good in person than technology shoudlnt come in the way. go to get coffee with hima nd see how his attitude is. if he is the same as before thn youre fine.

 

dont worry :)

 

 

Thank you, appreciate the kindness. I know I have issues here over thinking lol..I am not perfect.

 

We defnitely get along great in person, we have a ton of fun. We both said it to each other multiple times. Through texting tho it seems like nothing.

 

So, i am just kinda hoping he lets me know what day he wants to go soon, and obviously if he doesnt reply at all..well that speaks for itself lol

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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I think you should let it play out the way it is going. its hard cause you already have feelings clearly but it can either end with you being hurt c or it could just be the way he is but honestly it seems like hes just kinda busy and he probably isnt that deeply in yet.

 

if you guys are good in person than technology shoudlnt come in the way. go to get coffee with hima nd see how his attitude is. if he is the same as before thn youre fine.

 

dont worry :)

 

Maybe my flawed thinking is that he should reply quickly each time. when he consistently doesnt. lol. but he usually still ALWAYS replies

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Hmm ok! Makes sense.

 

 

So is it likely he isnt really interested?

 

No, of course he's interested that is why you guys hooked up. Anything beyond that you will find out in the short future. But, since you aren't looking for a bf just carry on with your life and forget about it.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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No, of course he's interested that is why you guys hooked up. Anything beyond that you will find out in the short future. But, since you aren't looking for a bf just carry on with your life and forget about it.

 

 

Well, I cant seem to forget about it because I geninunely want to see him again. Mainly for the like of his personality.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Maybe my flawed thinking is that he should reply quickly each time. when he consistently doesnt. lol. but he usually still ALWAYS replies

 

Yes, this is flawed thinking. You yourself said, "he will never not reply. he just takes HOURS to do so."

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Well, I cant seem to forget about it because I geninunely want to see him again. Mainly for the like of his personality.

 

Actually I don't think many women are cut out for FWB. There are exceptions no doubt but I don't think OP is one. This thread is a prime example as it is quite typical. Girl meets Guy, they have sex, then Girl suddenly finds herself catching feelings after sex especially if she senses Guy is pulling away.

 

Anyway OP to answer your question only time will tell for sure. But typically if a guy is into you, you won't find yourself doubting that (unless you are insecure) because he will pursue you. So my guess is probably not. Sorry.

Edited by Imajerk17
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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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Actually I don't think many women are cut out for FWB. There are exceptions no doubt but I don't think OP is one. This thread is a prime example as it is quite typical. Girl meets Guy, they have sex, then Girl suddenly finds herself catching feelings after sex especially if she senses Guy is pulling away.

 

Anyway OP to answer your question only time will tell for sure. But typically if a guy is into you, you won't find yourself doubting that (unless you are insecure) because he will pursue you. So my guess is probably not. Sorry.

 

Oh, yeah I clearly see that i am NOT cut out for it now. This was my first experience. Yep...big fat no.

 

I am slightly insecure, but i get what you're saying. So yeah, that sucks. Why would he even bother keeping to reply to me, or being in contact?

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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It's really too soon to tell. He isn't the type to have made you feel super secure yet (some guys do) but he hasn't done anything to make you know that he's not as invested as you either. So you have to wait it out. I will caution you though: if you're a girl who needs a lot of attention, dating a man who works a ton is going to be hard on you. I'd avoid it if I were you.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Holy crikey, it's only been a week.....Relax....this is casual, so you are going to get casual interest. You even said he is a busy guy...well he's BUSY, that's why he hasn't got back to you, or the responses are short.

 

Play it by ear, if another date happens, it will happen....in the meantime date other guys. You don't have to limit yourself to one dude you know. maybe you will meet someone who can be more available, and is more attentive, better at sex.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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It's really too soon to tell. He isn't the type to have made you feel super secure yet (some guys do) but he hasn't done anything to make you know that he's not as invested as you either. So you have to wait it out. I will caution you though: if you're a girl who needs a lot of attention, dating a man who works a ton is going to be hard on you. I'd avoid it if I were you.

 

yeah, my X worked a lot and gave me 0 attention, well hewas also emotionally abusive too.

 

so i have a tendency to worry people dont like me, or im doing something wrong.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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Holy crikey, it's only been a week.....Relax....this is casual, so you are going to get casual interest. You even said he is a busy guy...well he's BUSY, that's why he hasn't got back to you, or the responses are short.

 

Play it by ear, if another date happens, it will happen....in the meantime date other guys. You don't have to limit yourself to one dude you know. maybe you will meet someone who can be more available, and is more attentive, better at sex.

 

 

ok, thanks. yeah i figured i seem a little needy when its only been a week. i try not to broadcast that to him tho. i dont over text him, or text back right away because hedid say he worked a lot.

 

that night we hooked up he did say lets hangout again in the future, so i took that kinda weird. and then my friends are all in my face like oh he must not like you bc he isnt chasing you, and telling me all these ways men work and it spins my head around:rolleyes:

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Have you TOLD him that you're not looking for a boyfriend? Or that you're okay with casual or FWB?

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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Have you TOLD him that you're not looking for a boyfriend? Or that you're okay with casual or FWB?

 

No! we both didnt really specify. i mean we both agreed we wouldnt get married to anyone at this point in our lives lol......i was going to kinda see where it went.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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ok, thanks. yeah i figured i seem a little needy when its only been a week. i try not to broadcast that to him tho. i dont over text him, or text back right away because hedid say he worked a lot.

 

that night we hooked up he did say lets hangout again in the future, so i took that kinda weird. and then my friends are all in my face like oh he must not like you bc he isnt chasing you, and telling me all these ways men work and it spins my head around:rolleyes:

 

If a guy said that to me I would not call him or text but wait until he contacts me. In the future could mean this week, next month, next year or never. Usually when someone wants more they would say "Let's go out on Friday" or something to that effect. Not let's grab coffee after we've already had sex. He is treating this very casually so don't get ahead of him.

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VanessaCarly Member

VanessaCarly

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If a guy said that to me I would not call him or text but wait until he contacts me. In the future could mean this week, next month, next year or never. Usually when someone wants more they would say "Let's go out on Friday" or something to that effect. Not let's grab coffee after we've already had sex. He is treating this very casually so don't get ahead of him.

 

 

Ok, you are right. I guess my move is to step back and be casual myself. and not just throw all my energy into him

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