Daffer Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 As brief as possible: we broke up around 4 months ago after being together for 2 years. She dumped me. It wasn't out of nowhere as we had some issues, and I even agreed with it at the time. A few days after that I decided what we had was worth fighting for, but she wasn't having it. First month was me pestering her, pleading with her to see me, all the usual stuff you shouldn't do. Second month I left her alone and went full NC. Finally she initiates contact a month or so later, and we go back and forth with low-contact texting since then. Every now and then she gets drunk and it gets really flirty, but then she backs off the next day. I've grown tired of this so I had been not reaching out to her for the last week or so. This brings us to this past Saturday night when I get a msg from her out of the blue. Turns out she saw my profile on Tinder and got super bummed out and wanted to see me. So she comes over, we have sex all night long, and into the next afternoon. It comes out over the course of our time together that she has a guy who she had started seeing about a month after we split who she said she "hates" and who she now wants to break up with. I push her on this and say variants of "gimme a break, you guys are just hitting a rough patch and you're here for some support," I make it clear that I don't want to be an emotional crutch for her in an ongoing thing, and she swears up and down that she detests this guy, has realized this for the past month or so and wants him out of her life but is too nervous to end it. If anything I start to believe her because it all seems to lineup with the timeline of when she broke NC to message me. She splits on Sunday, I send her a short message on Sunday evening saying "it was nice to spend some time with you again this weekend" or whatever. Which she ignores until the next day when I get a text from her saying "Hey I'm sorry I didn't respond yesterday I promise I'm not ghosting on you here." I wrote back(which now i wish i didn't) something flirty/jokey and she, of course, doesn't respond. Which leads to me signing up to this message board. My question is: is this just the normal thing where a girl wants to see if she still has me under her thumb? Or is it possible she is just trying to be respectful to the guy who she is technically in a relationship with and I shouldn't read too much into her coolness these past few days? She didn't seem to regret it when she left my place on Sunday afternoon. I obviously want her back, she knows I still love her and she says she still loves me. I am definitely done chasing, though.
SevenCity Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Sleeping with you is not showing her bf any respect at all. If he's that bad she would have left him. She left you and you seem like a nice guy. The biggest issue is she had no problem cheating and would do the same to you. Her interest only went up once she realized she might lose you to another girl and when things went down hill with her bf. It seems clear you are a second choice and she will dump you again once another guy gets her attention. As much as people say guys use women for sex, they do the same but it is more tied to emotions that they quickly shut off. If you can just keep her as a FB, sure. But you still love her so you will just get hurt.
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 As brief as possible: we broke up around 4 months ago after being together for 2 years. She dumped me. It wasn't out of nowhere as we had some issues, and I even agreed with it at the time. A few days after that I decided what we had was worth fighting for, but she wasn't having it. First month was me pestering her, pleading with her to see me, all the usual stuff you shouldn't do. Second month I left her alone and went full NC. Finally she initiates contact a month or so later, and we go back and forth with low-contact texting since then. Every now and then she gets drunk and it gets really flirty, but then she backs off the next day. I've grown tired of this so I had been not reaching out to her for the last week or so. This brings us to this past Saturday night when I get a msg from her out of the blue. Turns out she saw my profile on Tinder and got super bummed out and wanted to see me. So she comes over, we have sex all night long, and into the next afternoon. It comes out over the course of our time together that she has a guy who she had started seeing about a month after we split who she said she "hates" and who she now wants to break up with. I push her on this and say variants of "gimme a break, you guys are just hitting a rough patch and you're here for some support," I make it clear that I don't want to be an emotional crutch for her in an ongoing thing, and she swears up and down that she detests this guy, has realized this for the past month or so and wants him out of her life but is too nervous to end it. If anything I start to believe her because it all seems to lineup with the timeline of when she broke NC to message me. She splits on Sunday, I send her a short message on Sunday evening saying "it was nice to spend some time with you again this weekend" or whatever. Which she ignores until the next day when I get a text from her saying "Hey I'm sorry I didn't respond yesterday I promise I'm not ghosting on you here." I wrote back(which now i wish i didn't) something flirty/jokey and she, of course, doesn't respond. Which leads to me signing up to this message board. My question is: is this just the normal thing where a girl wants to see if she still has me under her thumb? Or is it possible she is just trying to be respectful to the guy who she is technically in a relationship with and I shouldn't read too much into her coolness these past few days? She didn't seem to regret it when she left my place on Sunday afternoon. I obviously want her back, she knows I still love her and she says she still loves me. I am definitely done chasing, though. Don't be her emotional tampon or her set of "training wheels" for moving forward with her decision -- she's struggling to find someone new and you're good enough for now. She's using you until she finds someone else again.
Purepony Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Delete her on everything and block her number Disappear !
springy Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 First month was me pestering her, pleading with her to see me, all the usual stuff you shouldn't do. Second month I left her alone and went full NC. Finally she initiates contact a month or so later, and we go back and forth with low-contact texting since then. Every now and then she gets drunk and it gets really flirty, but then she backs off the next day. I've grown tired of this Really? So Why are you still in contact? This brings us to this past Saturday night when I get a msg from her out of the blue. Turns out she saw my profile on Tinder and got super bummed out Awe...poor thing, she needs comfort and wanted to see me. So she comes over, we have sex all night long, and into the next afternoon. Oldest trick in the book. Part of the game to keep you hanging on. It comes out over the course of our time together that she has a guy who she had started seeing about a month after we split who she said she "hates" and who she now wants to break up with. Right...She hates him so much she's still with him I push her on this and say variants of "gimme a break, you guys are just hitting a rough patch and you're here for some support," I make it clear that I don't want to be an emotional crutch for her in an ongoing thing, But you already are, and have been since you started accepting her sporadic contact months ago... She splits on Sunday, I send her a short message on Sunday evening saying "it was nice to spend some time with you again this weekend" or whatever. Which she ignores until the next day when I get a text from her saying "Hey I'm sorry I didn't respond yesterday I promise I'm not ghosting on you here." I wrote back(which now i wish i didn't) something flirty/jokey and she, of course, doesn't respond. Because she's back with that fella she hates so much. My question is: is this just the normal thing where a girl wants to see if she still has me under her thumb? I don't know about normal, but that's exactly what this is. Manipulative and conniving seems a more accurate description. She's got you right where she wants you - on standby Or is it possible she is just trying to be respectful to the guy who she is technically in a relationship with and I shouldn't read too much into her coolness these past few days? Respectful? I think she ruined that with all the ex-sex. She didn't seem to regret it when she left my place on Sunday afternoon. Because she's no good and doesn't respect either of you. I obviously want her back, she knows I still love her and she says she still loves me. I am definitely done chasing, though. So she can do the same to you that she's doing to her current? Imagine what she's telling/told him about you You are wasting your time. Block her and go NC. NC means neither initiating nor receiving/responding to contact. It is past time for you to put your emotions on time out, let logic out of the corner so you can see what we all see.
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