Redridinghood Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I have been dating this guy from tinder for over a month. We both like each other A LOT and made it pretty clear we're both in it for the long haul. However, his behavior caused me to have some concerns about the extent to which he is actually over his ex girlfriend. He told me (because he thought I'd like to know?) that they lived together, but that they broke up nearly a year ago. The problem is that her trail is still around the house and that he keeps bringing her up himself. For example: - her surname is still on their mailbox - some of her clothes are still in his apartment (not scattered around but in the closet) - he told me he needs to get used to my libido because his ex's was much lower and she was always grumpy during her period - the box of the gift she gave to him was on the table - not as decoration, but like he just unpacked it - he told me about her work and his likes/dislikes regarding that topic - he called her by her first name. I was like '.... Who?', he said 'Oh sorry my ex girlfriend.' I find these signs seriously disturbing as they've been broken up for a long time. When I addressed the above (only have done it through text so far - I will see him later this week), he didn't give me an explanation but simply stated 'you don't have to worry about anything.' I seriously need some opinions on whether I'm just being overly suspicious or not. Also any recommendations on how to talk to him about this f2f are highly appreciated!
kendahke Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 (edited) He's not emotionally done with her. All you can do is tell him you're uncomfortable with his lack of ambivalence towards her and the proximity to which her memory still lingers around him. If he doesn't make a change in his behavior, then you're going to have to determine if you can live with this for the foreseeable future because the day may not come in the near future where this stops and you're going to keep on having to hear about her. IF you can't live with this, then you know what you have to do. But yeah--he's not done with her. Edited June 20, 2017 by kendahke 1
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 If he isn't done with the breakup by now....he probably never will be for some time.....Me personally wouldn't invest anymore time in this. It's only over a month....it would be in your best interest to get out now.
Author Redridinghood Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 He's not emotionally done with her. All you can do is tell him you're uncomfortable with his lack of ambivalence towards her and the proximity to which her memory still lingers around him. If he doesn't make a change in his behavior, then you're going to have to determine if you can live with this for the foreseeable future because the day may not come in the near future where this stops and you're going to keep on having to hear about her. IF you can't live with this, then you know what you have to do. But yeah--he's not done with her. Thanks so much for confirming my fear. I can definitely NOT live with any of this. It gets even more concerning though. He told me he has been a porn addict but that it wasn't until he broke up with his ex girlfriend he realized it had been a problem. Only after their breakup he decided to quit.
act00 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I agree, you're looking at a lot of red flags. Either he's not over her, or he has no ability to put a stop to her advances. Maybe he's being passive in hopes she just disappears, but he's really leading her on...her stuff is still in his apartment and she mails him gifts...a bit strange. I think it's probably best to let this one go. Tell him why if you think it would be beneficial for him...as in, he needs to establish boundaries and put a full stop on this past relationship...if it's truly in the past.
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 1 year since the break up is not that long depending on how long they were together ? AND with the fact they lived together yes you can expect he needs mourning more than a year.
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