poor boy Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 This is a long story over several years, so apologies in advance for that. I met this girl in 2012, on a train, when I was working in the south of England. I am from the north and was getting a train to a friends wedding. We got talking and hit it off. We liked each other. We exchanged names for fb, but I couldn't find her. But a few weeks later she added me which I was pleased about, but unfortunately she had a boyfriend that she had been with for many years. For the whole of that year, though, we texted and kept in touch, and messaged were in increasingly flirty. It was apparent that she was not happy with her boyfriend, but it had been such a long term thing, and she was only 21 at the time also, that she was reluctant to break things off with him, and meet up with me. This continued for the duration of 2012, and maybe into 2013 a little but then we stopped talking when it became clear to me that she wasn't going to meet with me while she was with her partner. So I stopped texting her. A couple things of note though; she was once working in the city where I live for a weekend, and when I said hey let's meet up, she said she was too busy. Also, once I was staying in my friends house down south where she went to uni, and I said let's meet up, she said ok the first night but my friend was not out that night so I couldn't meet her. The next night however, she said she was going to Cardiff for a gig which she hadn't mentioned, so yet another flake. Fast forward to 2015; hadn't heard from her in a couple years, and I was living with my new girlfriend and was happy. This girl gets back in touch with me, says she kept my number because she liked me still and she's single and wants to meet. I told her I'm now taken, and she was trying to persuade me to meet 'as friends'. I agreed at first, but then when I told her I'd changed my mind, and it wasn't right on my gf she snapped a little at me and disappeared again. Not very nice. Anyhow, later that year I'm single again so I message her telling her that. She replies and says she has a bf now, but she wants to keep talking to me. I tell her, I can't keep doing that as it hurts too much as I want to be with her. I said for her to give me a message if she is single anytime soon. Several months later in June 2016, she messages me saying she's single again. I tried to arrange to meet up with her, and she was putting it off again, saying she's busy buying a house right now, and for us to keep talking like this for a few weeks again until she's got more free time. I said, that I would get a train down to her area myself, and literally come and see her for a couple of hours and go home because I wanted to see her that much. She wouldn't agree and was saying that wouldn't be fair on me and to wait some more weeks until shed sorted things with her house and she would meet me. At this point, I got frustrated and said a couple of bad things, like I think she's using me for attention and wasting my time with no intention to ever meet. I blocked her and deleted her. So then a year later, which was about 4 weeks ago, I was thinking about her again and sent her a fb message. She started out quite hostile with me, blaming me for ruining things when I blocked her, saying I couldn't wait for two more weeks after all these years, she used to love talking to me, I 'broke' her by doing what I did, and that she was very upset when I blocked her and she changed her mobile number as a result. I was surprised at this reaction, as it seemed to me before that she didn't care at all. I said I was sorry about what I said, I didn't mean it, and that I was just upset that I couldn't meet up with her and that I felt she didn't care, to which she said of course she would have came to mine to meet up with me. I said maybe we could finally meet then, and said I'd message her in a few weeks after my uni exams were done, to which she said ok to messaging her, but that she has a bf again now, sorry but it always seems to be this way doesn't it. I left if with ok, thanks for letting me know I hope things work out for you. That's where it's at right now. The thing is, I really like this girl a lot, and I would have loved nothing more than to be with her, I'm confident things could have worked out between us if we actually had of met up. I want to know, was she actually using me the whole time, leading me on in order to get attention and validation, maybe even using me as a back up option, or was it all just bad timing with us always being with someone when we were talking. Was I a jerk when I blocked her, or was my reaction fair enough after all the messing around I'd endured? I know there's nothing I can do about her having a boyfriend now anyway, and there's no telling how long her new relationship will last, but what I'm really afraid of, is maybe not telling her exactly how I feel about her; explicitly and clearly, one final time, telling her I only reacted the way I did because of extreme disappointment in not being able to meet her, and leaving it at that, as I will have to live with the regret of not telling her how I really felt when I am older. Or do I just accept that she was a time waster who didn't care about me at all and not contact her again? I'm afraid of messaging her again, as it will almost certainly end in further rejection and upset, but on the other hand, I don't want to go the rest of my life thinking what if she was the one that got away and I should have told her how I feel? What are your thoughts? Thank you.
Ronnys93 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 She's not wasting your time, you're wasting your time. She is literally popping in and out of your life and doesn't take you seriously. She wants you on HER terms and only hers. You need to let her go. The fact that you came back to message her and she was hostile with you because she couldn't have you when she wanted you speaks volumes. The fact that she has a boyfriend now means that you don't matter to her, she doesn't really want you. You need to work on getting over her and finding other girls that you can date and have fun with.
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