Should I seek younger man's affection?

[KarmenRachelle]

Hi all. I am new here, so I hope I'm posting in the correct thread. I am married, in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I am completely depressed and unable to get out, and I fear that being here is actually safer than leaving him.

 

My husband constantly cheats on me, so a few years ago I cheated on him. I was never in a sexual relationship with this other man, we flirted, talked through Facebook, and met occasionally. When we were together it never went farther than kissing, and we were both okay with that. He even knew why I was cheating on my husband. That relationship has ended, and I miss it because it made me feel so happy. It was as if I needed it to feel alive and get out of my depression.

 

It has been 2 years since that relationship has ended, and I think I have found someone who can yet again make me happy; however I don't know if he is interested in me. He knows I am married, and he is my child's coach on a sports team. We occasionally talk through text and I catch him looking at me very often during games or practices, so I think he is interested in me, but I am not certain. The things that make it difficult to tell are that he is 15 years younger than me, and we don't have many opportunities to flirt without someone noticing.

 

Well, the season is ending soon and I would love to continue talking with him or even seeing him afterwards. My question to the forum people is how do I know if he is interested in me, and how do I take it another step without hurting my child's chances of making the team next year if he is not interested? Thank you all for reading my lengthy story. I appreciate all of your time. Also, please no comments about leaving my husband, I have tried before, and like I said I feel I am safer in the marriage than out of it.

Edited June 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T

[Trtroles]

A good man will never go for a married woman. This is your answer for this young man.

 

If you think cheating will help you with your marriage you are wrong.

 

About your relationship with your husband. He cheats on you,is abusive and you want to stay with him ???

 

Do you want your kids to grow up in relationship where cheating,physical and emotional abuse is normal ???

[mikeylo]

An affair is not a solution to an unhappy marriage.Your child will be affected in either case.

[IndigoNight]

If you want to cheat, please don't do it with your child's sports coach. The fallout that can be caused is unfair to your child. Despite how happy you may think the coach of your child's team might make you, he is NOT the answer, or outlet you are looking for. Don't do that to your son. You may not respect you husband, and potentially with good reason, but respect your child enough not to drag him into this.

 

Your best bet is to speak to an abused woman's group and/or find a way out of your abusive marriage. That will allow you to seek out healthier relationships in the future, once you have healed from the toxic one you are currently in.

[trailwolf]

i think i would worry more about getting out of ur marriage first before starting an affair with this young coach , you think u got problems now just wait till you get caught by ur husband cheating with ur sons coach !

[somanymistakes]

If your relationship is abusive, cheating may very well get you killed.

 

I'm not saying that to blame the victim, it wouldn't be your fault, but it is an obviously risky activity. If you're afraid to leave because of how he might react then surely cheating is at least as dangerous? (And doing it with someone involved in your child's life also puts your child at risk, both from fallout of the affair and from an angry abusive spouse blaming the kid.)

 

You need to find a safe way out of this situation, but an affair is not it.

[GoldenR]

You should probably ask this question on the OW/OM forum. Then after your H finds out and all hell breaks loose, you can come back here.

[mercy]

That relationship has ended, and I miss it because it made me feel so happy. It was as if I needed it to feel alive and get out of my depression.

 

and I think I have found someone who can yet again make me happy;

 

Please don't use people to make yourself feel good. See a therapist.

[LilyViolet]

Why are you still with your husband?

[stillafool]

There is no such thing as you can't get out of a marriage. Of course you can leave him and get a divorce. Having an affair could put your life in danger and it is only a temporary fix. The younger man will move on at some point leaving you heart broken. If he is interested at all it is for sex. Don't ruin your reputation around your child's classmates and parents as it will cause your child embarrassment. Get a job, save your money and file for divorce.

[WilyWill]

Find a way to get out of your marriage first. Make that top priority. Do whatever is necessary: lawyers, restraining orders, pepper spray, cameras, voice-activated recorder on your person.

[dichotomy]

Find a way to get out of your marriage first. Make that top priority. Do whatever is necessary: lawyers, restraining orders, pepper spray, cameras, voice-activated recorder on your person.

 

This -

 

You said you cheated two years ago. In the last two years could you have been planning instead for a way to exit your abusive marriage? Saving money, looking for a new place, a new job, getting additional training or schooling, talking with lawyers ?

[GorillaTheater]

This -

 

You said you cheated two years ago. In the last two years could you have been planning instead for a way to exit your abusive marriage? Saving money, looking for a new place, a new job, getting additional training or schooling, talking with lawyers ?

 

 

Nah, that requires work and effort. Escapism is much easier.

[Michelle ma Belle]

If your relationship is abusive, cheating may very well get you killed.

 

I'm not saying that to blame the victim, it wouldn't be your fault, but it is an obviously risky activity. If you're afraid to leave because of how he might react then surely cheating is at least as dangerous? (And doing it with someone involved in your child's life also puts your child at risk, both from fallout of the affair and from an angry abusive spouse blaming the kid.)

 

You need to find a safe way out of this situation, but an affair is not it.

 

Took the words out of my mouth.

 

Having worked with victims of domestic abuse for many years, I understand the fear and control and loss of identity being in such a relationship. However, the fear you have about leaving your abusive husband isn't going to compare to the fear you will have if/when he finds out you've cheated on him. And if your husband is as scary as you claim him to be, cheating on him may indeed be life-threatening.

 

Compound that with involving your child's coach and you have a recipe for serious danger! Please please PLEASE think about what you're doing if only for your child's sake.

 

Seek out guidance and assistance with your local domestic abuse shelter. They are everywhere and are designed to help women and children escape some of the most violent situations imaginable. Services are often at no charge and come with an army of professionals to help you with everything from one on one counselling to child counselling, shelter and protection, job and living assistance and legal counselling and representation.

 

Your priority for both yourself and especially for your child is to GET OUT not to find a way to cope and continue to raise your child in a profoundly toxic environment.

 

PLEASE SEEK HELP!!!

[harrybrown]

do not mix your child with your potential A partners.

 

get out of the marriage.

 

 

go see an attorney to get out of this marriage.

 

Having affairs will mess up your life and the life of your child.

 

Good luck to you.

[BluesPower]

You can always ask, "Would you like to have sex with me?" That will usually get you an answer.

 

However, if you marriage is abusive you would be better served to find a way out.

 

The lifestyle, money, and kids cannot be enough to stay...

[Friskyone4u]

Hi all. I am new here, so I hope I'm posting in the correct thread. I am married, in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I am completely depressed and unable to get out, and I fear that being here is actually safer than leaving him.

 

My husband constantly cheats on me, so a few years ago I cheated on him. I was never in a sexual relationship with this other man, we flirted, talked through Facebook, and met occasionally. When we were together it never went farther than kissing, and we were both okay with that. He even knew why I was cheating on my husband. That relationship has ended, and I miss it because it made me feel so happy. It was as if I needed it to feel alive and get out of my depression.

 

It has been 2 years since that relationship has ended, and I think I have found someone who can yet again make me happy; however I don't know if he is interested in me. He knows I am married, and he is my child's coach on a sports team. We occasionally talk through text and I catch him looking at me very often during games or practices, so I think he is interested in me, but I am not certain. The things that make it difficult to tell are that he is 15 years younger than me, and we don't have many opportunities to flirt without someone noticing.

 

Well, the season is ending soon and I would love to continue talking with him or even seeing him afterwards. My question to the forum people is how do I know if he is interested in me, and how do I take it another step without hurting my child's chances of making the team next year if he is not interested? Thank you all for reading my lengthy story. I appreciate all of your time. Also, please no comments about leaving my husband, I have tried before, and like I said I feel I am safer in the marriage than out of it.

 

Just curious. Will you be safer if your abusive husband catches you cheating??? My guess is despite what he is doing, he will not think it's Ok for you. You might want to see an attorney to find out what happens when you get caught because while no one thinks they will, most do get caught

[Miss Peach]

IME with abusive men, they like control and won't be OK with you cheating even if they do. Even though an affair seems easier than trying to leave, I would just work on leaving. Once you left, work on your self esteem so that these guys won't be appealing ever again.

[misspalmy]

they could be better, i think older guys are worse. been treated badly by them

[BaileyB]

I am married, in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I am completely depressed and unable to get out, and I fear that being here is actually safer than leaving him.

 

My question to the forum people is how do I know if he is interested in me, and how do I take it another step without hurting my child's chances of making the team next year if he is not interested?

 

With all due respect, is this really your biggest concern?

 

I know that you feel that you can not leave your husband, but the issue of abuse in your family home is a much more important concern than whether your child's chance of making the team will be affected if the coach rejects your expression of interest.

 

You say that it is safer to stay with your husband than leave... How safe will you be when he discovers that you are sleeping with the sports coach? Seriously, do you not think that the gossip would eventually reach your husband? And, how do you think he would respond? Having an affair could well get you killed.

 

If you want to find happiness, safety, security, and love... you know that you must find a way to leave your husband. There are resources available to help you to safely leave the home. Until you are free of your husband, stop fantasizing about the sports coach... that is not your happy ending, it may well get you killed.

Edited June 28, 2017 by BaileyB