Kehv Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I know this is a long shot but I would like to hear if anyone has any tips/tricks how to deal with my situation. So 2 weeks ago a new girl started working at my department at work. A really cute girl from Poland, the type you would want to marry. Almost instantly I fell in love with her, something I thought would never happen again at my age (31) but it happened... Obviously I flirted with her but so did another colleague of mine who is also from Poland and so he speaks her mother language. Even though I think she kinda likes me she is more interested in the other guy although to be honest, I don't even understand why. Right now I act like I don't care about it, I still make her laugh a lot and just act like I'm ok with the situation, which I'm obviously not. I have to be professional about it since I still have to work with them. I guess what I want to know is if I should still try something or just accept that she's not that into me. I know she probably won't starting liking me more than him but perhaps you guys have some pointers? Or maybe some tips on how to cope with a woman you love at work?
carhill Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Does your job matter to you? Experience varies but IME women are experts at destroying a guy's job if they are motivated. Why? A lifetime of training and expertise in, er, influencing people. Else, be clear in your interest and don't worry about the Polish guy. She's got a lifetime of Polish guys. You're you. The old adage of 'ask her out' works as much now as it did generations ago. Get in front of her and go for it. Worst that can happen is she says no. Hard? Sure! Part of life if you want to mate though. Can't back into it.
BryanSmiley Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 As someone that’s been out with a few European girls whom have moved over to the UK (temporarily/long-term/unsure) and one of which most recently with a work colleague, I can only express that I think you should be careful. I’m not going to be popular but can only express my experience and what I’ve witnessed, it is entirely possible in-fact likely, she is a highly independent, free spirited person to be of a minority whom would move abroad, and is seeking fun new ‘people’ and experiences. Not necessarily ‘person’. Case in point that she already seems to be somewhat interested or even flirting with two males in her new workplace. That’s a faint red flag already, and you consider yourself in 2nd place. I would take a step back (might even attract her more) and take it easy. Sounds pessimistic but the reality is most relationships fail at some point, can you imagine that being whilst you are still working together, and seeing her daily? Believe you me, not fun. Sorry if I come over negative here, but it is intended well to avoid a few months of fun vs more months of a difficult situation in your work place. 2
mikeylo Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 As someone that’s been out with a few European girls whom have moved over to the UK (temporarily/long-term/unsure) and one of which most recently with a work colleague, I can only express that I think you should be careful. I’m not going to be popular but can only express my experience and what I’ve witnessed, it is entirely possible in-fact likely, she is a highly independent, free spirited person to be of a minority whom would move abroad, and is seeking fun new ‘people’ and experiences. Not necessarily ‘person’. Case in point that she already seems to be somewhat interested or even flirting with two males in her new workplace. That’s a faint red flag already, and you consider yourself in 2nd place. I would take a step back (might even attract her more) and take it easy. Sounds pessimistic but the reality is most relationships fail at some point, can you imagine that being whilst you are still working together, and seeing her daily? Believe you me, not fun. Sorry if I come over negative here, but it is intended well to avoid a few months of fun vs more months of a difficult situation in your work place. The bolded.
carhill Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Women often flirt with men they're not interested in while in proximity to men they are interested in. Been the 'not' enough to know. Why do they? To gauge his interest in an indirect way. See if he pays attention. Playing with a man's sexual desire is sport and, well, they're good at it. 1
preraph Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 She may not be interested but only being very friendly because she's new and it's the workplace, where you are expected to be friendly to everyone. I cringed at you saying you're in love. You don't know this woman at all, so that tells me you just love how she looks. You don't even speak her language. My guess is the guy who does speak her language is certainly going to be of interest to her because of communication issues. You can certainly ask her out, but you should be aware that when she lets you take her out (would she refuse a coworker an invitation?) but then puts the brakes on, you are going to be very unhappy at work. And you also have to remember that everyone is watching what is going on and if you think anyone in the vicinity at work isn't noticing this girl and who all is pursuing her, you are wrong. And you will be judged for that and she will also be judged for that and she will be perceived, if she accepts invitations as someone who's there to flirt, not work. I'm not saying don't ask her out. I'm saying once you do and she is either indifferent or worse, then you are going to wish you didn't have to go to work and so is she. 1
carhill Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I ran into this pickle when I was newly divorced. One day out in a customer's shop, this mesmerizing young lady walked up to me with a check for a job I'd done and we just kinda stared at each other. If not for a flashback to a younger time where such an encounter got me embroiled with a, eh, married young lady, I would have asked her out. Kismet would have it that this one turned out to be married too, though she later divorced. However, on the 'date where you work' front, had things gone sideways and she ended up hating my guts, well now that secretary is the company controller I share this not to discourage but to underscore potential risks versus rewards. If job or business matters not, treat it like any other dating opportunity. If it does, weigh the risks versus rewards. BTW, the lady in my story is a great lady and we have a pretty close relationship many years later. I remember, when the business was up for sale, before she even knew it was (I did because the owner and I are best friends), asking her if she wanted to buy the business. That's how much confidence I had in her. Sometimes relationships transcend sex and dating. There's a lot to enjoy in life besides the mating thing. Good luck! 1
Miss Peach Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Like most people have noted, always think worst case scenario in case it doesn't work out. Are you OK with potentially changing jobs if it gets awkward? Having said that, my current work place has several married couples who met at work. As far as the other guy, it could be she's interested in both of you or just likes attention. When I'm single I don't spend all my energy typically on one guy. I flirt with many men and see who bites and then figure out who I want based on my suitors.
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