savvy2008 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 I'm in management and just got transferred to a new location. I had previously worked there before, a couple years ago, and right before I left there was a guy hired, we'll call him Nick. Nick was super nice back then too but I was in a relationship and didn't see him as anything more than a coworker. Now that I'm back, as his boss, not his coworker, and we're both single, it's weird. He's offered to sell me some furniture that his dad is trying to get out of the house, he's offered to jailbreak something for me if I choose to buy it, and I can't help but feel that these things would mean seeing each other outside of work, and that he may be suggesting things like that intentionally. I'm 4 years older than him, which isn't a problem, but I guess the main thing is that I'm his boss! He has managed to show up wherever I am, and even walking back from break he will stand and make small talk with me instead of dgoing to the break room or going out to eat somewhere else. I'm not positive he likes me but I'm fairly sure. The rules for dating someone when you're a manager are actually pretty simple and straight forward where I work. You tell you're district manager, and he transfers the lowest ranking employee, which in this case would be Nick. All we would have yo do is go speak to the DM and tell him what's happening, and Nick would just be transferred so we could date. The problem is, I don't want to risk anything by trying to find out how he feels, and I'm thinking continuing this flirting thing isn't professional. So how do you stop liking someone you see regularly? I'm on an online dating site but no luck there, and the chances of meeting someone in real life are slim. I have nothing to distract myself from him with and I don't know how to handle it and forget about him when he's there with me every day. Help?
Knix Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I feel like this is sort of...desperate? (not trying to be rude) It really doesn't sound like he's made any romantic gestures, he's just being nice to you. You're also his boss so it benefits him to have your friendship. Sometimes people also just flirt with each other at work, it can be fun. Doesn't necessarily mean that the person wants a relationship outside of work. Going to online dating sites because of this just says to me that you want a relationship, it's not this guy in particular. If I were you I would just keep a platonic and professional relationship with this guy at work and give him some space. If he pursues you and asks to take you out, then you can make arrangements. But already planning on how you'll tell your district manager so he can be relocated is waaay too early to think about.
Author savvy2008 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 Sorry for the confusion on whether or not I want to be with him. I don't think that I actually would, I've been single for a couple years because I don't just want to casually date anymore. The men I've met in the past couple years have all been casual dating acceptable but not long term relationship acceptable.. I feel like this guy would be similar so I'm not planning on reciprocating anything if it happens. I can tell he likes me (can't be 100% though, of course) because it's body language and the way he talks to me, also comparing that to the way he talks to other people. I can tell that he at the very least has a regular crush on me. I'm concerned it will escalate further and wanted advice on how to kind of put it to the back of my mind and forget about it, even though I see him every day. If I were willing to take the risk to get to know him better, that would be a different story. I added the part about what would happen if we were to date because I wanted whoever read this to answer my question and not come back with a "you're the boss, you shouldn't be having this problem anyway" response. I was trying to explain how easy it is to date someone you manage, unlike some other companies that have a strict no tolerance policy. I was hoping to get some advice on how to forget about the crush situation, bur thank you anyway for your response.
Author savvy2008 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 Oh and I've been on online dating sites for years off and on, this isn't because of the guy at work. I was trying to say that I am trying to distract myself from him because I know it wouldn't work/is a bad idea/etc but I don't have much yo distract myself with so it's a struggle.
Knix Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 If that's the case just remind yourself about how this isn't a good idea, come at it from a manager's point of view. And I know that you think he likes you but I wouldn't put the cart before the horse. If he does try to act on his feelings (which would happen eventually if he REALLY liked you) then you guys could talk about what that would entail (regarding work), but unless that happens it's probably best to just do your own thing at work. Give it time and see what happens. If it was a different situation I would say go for it and ask him what he's feeling, but because you're his manager, making an incorrect guess and taking a risk like this could cost you more than a friendship with someone.
Author savvy2008 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 I can't find another job just because I have a meaningless crush. The obnoxious thing is that his work ethic and everything is great so I can't even focus on his flaws to stop liking him. I have no idea if he would eventually like me enough to be open about it. That's what I'm trying to avoid though. It's hard to explain but this happens a lot with this company, it's not some forbidden thing and majority of management will tell you that they met their spouse at work. I think that could be why people are so quick to flirt with each other there. I'd just like to get it out of my head so I can stop flirting back, and so he doesn't think I want anything more than a work relationship.
Knix Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I can't find another job just because I have a meaningless crush. The obnoxious thing is that his work ethic and everything is great so I can't even focus on his flaws to stop liking him. I have no idea if he would eventually like me enough to be open about it. That's what I'm trying to avoid though. It's hard to explain but this happens a lot with this company, it's not some forbidden thing and majority of management will tell you that they met their spouse at work. I think that could be why people are so quick to flirt with each other there. I'd just like to get it out of my head so I can stop flirting back, and so he doesn't think I want anything more than a work relationship. Date other people, focus on friends and other things at work. Since you're a manager you can prbly adjust your schedules or work assignments so that you don't have to be around him 24/7 right? It sounds to me like you have some stronger feelings there than you're willing to admit. You sound conflicted, just best not to make any first moves or say anything. Crushes are fun at work/school etc. playful flirting never hurt anyone. If it starts affecting your job or you're worried it will, just be done with it and back off him. You say it's a meaningless crush, right?
alphamale Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 any way you slice it dating this man will not end well
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