Mountainman84 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 (edited) Hi I've been seeing this girl for 6 months. We're from the same country but met overseas. She came here with her boyfriend and he left her a couple of months before I met her. It was only a casual thing between us but we grew very close. She fought it at first but then decided to stay longer to be with me. I'm a few years older and therefore perhaps more ready for a serious relationship and she is scared because her previous break up. She's also worried because we're both traveling. Her uncertainties have bred an insecurity in me so I struggle to work out what is rational to think. She says that when we leave this country we'll leave together but when I try to make plans she feels pressured. She was going to move in with me but she couldn't tell me when and didn't seem excited about it. She says she loves me and she wanted to move in and she said we'd leave together and doesn't understand what more I want. I feel like that's not enough. If you love someone you should be excited and embrace it. I don't expect certainty but I do want more energy and passion. She is more timid than me by nature. Maybe I just fell in love with the wrong girl. I don't know what's fair of me to expect anymore. I've asked her if she can be more positive about us but she said she doesn't know what I mean. I'm very confused. Edited June 19, 2017 by Mountainman84 Unfinished
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 That's what happens when you date someone barely out of a relationship. She is what we call emotionally unavailable. She didn't have enough time to get over her ex that she was again in a new relationship. Yes you are expecting too much after only 6 months dating for normal people. For this woman who didn't have time to mourn her ex it's even more too much, too fast. If you are looking for long term I don't think she is the one. A relationship is suppose to evolve, sounds more like she's on her way out. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 It was too soon for her to enter a relationship with you. She obviously liked you, but she was/is rebounding. I'm sorry OP, but I think you should prepare for this to come to an end. It doesn't appear as though she is on the same page as you anymore. 1
mikeylo Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I think the only person who got attached is you and are projecting that she also got closer. In other words, you both are not on same page as far as feelings are concerned.
Maggie4 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 I think she's moving way too fast. Saying she loves you, wanting to move in, saying you'll leave together, after only knowing you for a couple of months. Maybe you're dissatisfied with her demeanor. Are you expecting her to jump up and down and shout yippee? People are different in their expressions. Also, if moving in was your idea not hers, and she's just going along, then you might feel insecure because you don't know how she feels. Some people go along because by nature they're conflict averse. So you need to be less pushy, if that's what's going on.
Author Mountainman84 Posted June 22, 2017 Author Posted June 22, 2017 Thanks guys, We've had time apart and I've had time to clear my head. We have a connection that I think is rare but it's the wrong time. Even if I did everything right it wouldn't help with her need to explore her freedom. We're going our separate ways, to different continents. I'm a romantic so I like to think it's possible we'll cross paths again one day. I appreciate the advice.
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