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Right to view 'intense relationships' negatively? Are relaxed 'one step at a time'?


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Posted

My ex and I broke up last summer. It was a mutual break up. We both decided to end things after an argument. We've known each other for over 12 years so we decided to be mature about the whole thing and stay friends. We agreed we didn't want to throw away what we had built over the years just because our romantic relationship had run its course. And it's worked. One year after our break up, we still have regular contact and get on great. It's all very natural. It's quite funny actually, considering we were completely immature while we were together, always arguing etc!

 

He is seeing someone since the New Year and I've given him my full support. I've asked how it's going and he's saying he's just taking it one step at a time and that it's very different to how we were together. That things with us were very 'intense' because we had such a strong connection and were such emotional people. He admitted that his connection with me is stronger than it ever would be with anyone else... Although it sounds like a positive thing for him to say, I don't think he meant it positively, as he associates that strong connection with intensity and arguments.

 

While I have no interest in getting back with my ex (I'm completely happy for him and his new partner), I'm curious to know if 'intense relationships' like the one I had with my ex are right to be viewed negatively? Are the 'one step at a time' relationships what we should be aiming for? Deep down I'm a romantic idealist. I'm very passionate when I'm in love - too passionate. I'd love to know if I should try and change my ways for future relationships, so things work out more successfully.

Posted

One thing I do find strange after reading this is, why aren't you still together? Why don't you want your partner to be your best friend?

 

But I agree, I think a one step at a time relationship is best, obviously there has to be an initial passionate desire but can you keep that up? Isn't it better to just enjoy life with someone?

 

I believe people over anyalise relationships, they think they should feel a certain way or should be doing certain things rather than just.... enjoy it!

 

Is it that hard?

Posted

If the intensity contributed to arguments, then I would say it's a bad thing.

 

I also find it disrespectful of him (towards his partner) to be telling you that he would never find such a strong connection with anyone else. If I was his partner, I would NOT be happy about him maintaining such a sharing relationship with his ex. Does she know he confides in you like this?

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