scorpio28 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 HI! I just started talking to a guy. ( 2.5 months) He is a friend of a friend and we started by speaking on the phone for about a month before seeing eachother, conversations were great, ( 3-5 hours long) and when we finally met the chemistry was amazing. we continued to speak and get closer. because of the nature of his job, he has been out of work for about 3 weeks. it seems that from the first day he stopped working, we went from talking everyday for at least 1 hour to speaking for maybe 15 minutes a day. I am aware that he is dealing with a lot trying to get back to work, and he has expressed that he gets depressed at times because he is not working. I have mentioned to him that things have changed and he says it has nothing to do with me it is just the fact that he is out of work. when he comes to see me ( no sex) he still seems very genuine but the communication is terrible now. Yesterday I called him at 4:30pm he told me he was busy paying a bill and that he would call back. I did not hear from him until today at 1:15 PM... what the hell is going on?? I have told him that this confusion does not work for me and that I will need space and in response he apologized said again that when is working I will se a change.... It is very clear that this behavior started right after he stopped working. He is not struggling financially, he is actually great with money and has a huge savings. this is very confusing. I do not date often, I just came out of a 12 year relatinship so a lot of this is new to me.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Based on what you've shared, I am going to put two things out there. One more reasonable than the other... 1. He is depressed. Being out of a job and trying to juggle a gf can be demanding and depressing to the point of being debilitated. 2. He is out of a job and not pulling in money, so limited 'dating' opportunities so that he won't feel obligated to spend. Sounds a little selfish and perhaps a little cheap, but I did think of this possibility. If you think about it, while he had a job, he was perky about the relationship, but now, no job, no income, he falters. Could the two combined be true? You say he's doing fine financially, but you don't know his financial obligations and priorities. Did you go out when he had a job? Who paid? 1
starrynight4321 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 If you want even a 5% chance of this working, you need to back off completely. Date other people. Give him only as much time/energy as he's giving you - and right now that's minimal. Guys don't ignore or give scarce time/attention to women they're truly interested in - don't settle for less. Also, if he's depressed, let him deal with that and do your own thing. When he's no longer out of work/depressed, and if he's genuinely into you, he can come back and try again. Don't hang around or settle for his half-way investment just because he's depressed, stressed, or whatever else excuse. What about you? Don't you deserve more? This isn't someone that you've been with for a while, so you should not need to stay around helping him get through whatever he's going through. His apologies are words - only actions matter. If he isn't changing, you need to back up and see other people.
Author scorpio28 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 we have been speaking for such a short time. I have a 9 year old that is usually with me and the nature of his job he works 10+ hours and did not have much time for going out. the small things we did. He did pay.
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 He is not struggling financially, he is actually great with money and has a huge savings. this is very confusing. I do not date often, I just came out of a 12 year relatinship so a lot of this is new to me. He is using losing his job to justify losing interest in you. Is he even looking for another job? When I met my BF a year and a half ago he lost his job after 1 month dating. Unlike your BF he didn't have much saving and he needed to find another asap. Sure my BF was shocked and worried but he did not lose interest in me at all, he kept calling and spending time together. If your boyfriend has a lot of savings so no worries how he'll pay his rent and food then he suffers from having a weak character. Not the type of man you want to date. You want a man in your life that will fight, not fall down and pity himself. If you are new to dating you need to know that it's common for a man (or woman) to fade away after 2-3 months when the relationship started too fast and furious. There are hundreds of stories like this on here.
act00 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 The guy is unemployed and scared to death and is certainly not in a position to be pursuing a brand new relationship. Cut this guy some slack. Plus you have a child, so an extra person he has to think about. To expect to maintain daily, 3-5 hour phone conversations is asinine. Let this one go. He barely knows you and doesn't want to plop all his life issues in your lap. He's going to find a job and get his finances back in order, and that's when you can reconnect with more time. Just give him the time he needs to put his life back in order. 2
Maggie4 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 Are you really confused? I think you already know why he is behaving this way, you just don't like it. It's not right to be hard on him at this time. Or do you actually suspect him of dating someone else? 1
Author scorpio28 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 thank you for explaining so directly.
Author scorpio28 Posted June 20, 2017 Author Posted June 20, 2017 good point. I think maybe I am a bit suspicious. which could likely be because of a previous relationship.
kendahke Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 (edited) If you need space, then you need to take space instead of talking about it. He's not in a position for the obligations and expectations of relationship. Everyone doesn't handle unemployment the same. I'd demote him to friend and go find someone else. Edited June 20, 2017 by kendahke
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2017 Posted June 20, 2017 It could be true what he is telling you or he met someone else or he lost interest......we are only speculating. Whatever is going on, don't concern yourself, dump and move on....you don't need to put up with this crap. You want a relationship, not be someone's therapist. Date other people. 1
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