billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Hello friends! I am a 32 year old male who has been wondering aimlessly around the dating world for 2 years now. I live in a small town and it really hard to meet people you are genuinely interested in! But I finally met someone who I am genuinely interested in! The first few dates went really well as well. Almost too well if that's possible?? The problem is it's been so long since I was genuinely attracted to someone I don't know what to do! I f eel like a kid again. The big problem is though is we've already slept together a few times and it hasn't got well at all and last night she called me out on it(in a kind way) Now I'm freaking out because I think I've blown it! My gut tells me I can't come out and tell her how I feel or apologise but I think that will probably turn her off! Any advice from a ladies perspective?
coolheadal Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 First off relax my friend and take a deep breath in 3 times and then say the word relax each time. Now tell me what happen last night with her? How did you mess up with here with her?
Author billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 We went for dinner at her friends place, which was great. It was a fun night. Then we cuddled and talked for a while once we got home. Which was fine also. But then we had some very average sex, almost entirely my fault. She then politely mentioned it wasn't so great and then things got awkward. We went for breakfast the next morning and things were fine When I left I mentioned doing something next weekend but she kinda said no and said she'll text me Almost certain I've blown it and will be friend zoned
coolheadal Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 (edited) We went for dinner at her friends place, which was great. It was a fun night. Then we cuddled and talked for a while once we got home. Which was fine also. But then we had some very average sex, almost entirely my fault. She then politely mentioned it wasn't so great and then things got awkward. We went for breakfast the next morning and things were fine When I left I mentioned doing something next weekend but she kinda said no and said she'll text me Almost certain I've blown it and will be friend zoned Average sex (your fault) what do you mean by that? Try to keep it it clean please... Think gone awkward how so? Her response. She doesn't want to see you again, but on the bright side she'll text you one day, you just don't know when that will be. You might have to move on.. Give her week or 2 then text her lets go out again. If you get the brush-off then move on.. Edited June 19, 2017 by coolheadal
thefooloftheyear Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 We went for dinner at her friends place, which was great. It was a fun night. Then we cuddled and talked for a while once we got home. Which was fine also. But then we had some very average sex, almost entirely my fault. She then politely mentioned it wasn't so great and then things got awkward. We went for breakfast the next morning and things were fine When I left I mentioned doing something next weekend but she kinda said no and said she'll text me Almost certain I've blown it and will be friend zoned I'd just have dumped her right on the spot.... I mean, what type of woman actually tells a guy she supposedly likes that the sex sucked? Polite or not.....If she actually liked you, then one would hope that she'd share with you certain techniques or just have given it some time to see where it goes... Either way, it's kinda telling of her character...If mind shattering sex was that important to her, right out of the gate, then she should have politely said you guys weren't compatible and moved on... My guess is that if you continue with a woman like this, then nothing you do would be good enough...Your job, your physique, etc.. TFY 3
Chilli Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 I'd just have dumped her right on the spot.... I mean, what type of woman actually tells a guy she supposedly likes that the sex sucked? Polite or not.....If she actually liked you, then one would hope that she'd share with you certain techniques or just have given it some time to see where it goes... Either way, it's kinda telling of her character...If mind shattering sex was that important to her, right out of the gate, then she should have politely said you guys weren't compatible and moved on... My guess is that if you continue with a woman like this, then nothing you do would be good enough...Your job, your physique, etc.. TFY l second this motion.
Author billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 Hey guys, I agree with all of this, especially about never being satisfied with jobs etc But everything else was great except the sex, and in my experience sex usually gets better and better especially if the relationship is really good. But I do agree it's a red flag
OnlyHonesty Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 ...we had some very average sex, almost entirely my fault. Explain to me how that was almost entirely your fault when it's 50/50? 1
Author billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 Explain to me how that was almost entirely your fault when it's 50/50? We were drinking a lot of wine... so there's that
OnlyHonesty Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 We were drinking a lot of wine... so there's that So you say we were drinking a lot of wine.... I draw attention the following... In men, most of us are aware that alcohol can cause difficulties in allowing them to stand to attention, but in women, it can cause a reduction in their ability to easily accept a man when he has. It can also cause less intense outcomes. Ive censored the above but I'm sure you get the picture. So to summarize, both of you are equally sharing in responsibility for the average sex, but the real red flag is that she only blamed you. This strongly suggests a large ego presence exists that was trying to protect itself, and in your case, you were ready to apologize for something that was both of your responsibility. Both are equally potential problems for any relationship. A relationship of any kind that was more present, would have had an entirely different outcome. There would have been a mutual acknowledgement of the alcohol and responsibility of the average sex, or it would have simply been postponed for a time where no alcohol would have been involved. Either way, with a presence that dissolved the reactive ego, there would have been a mutual understanding and intimacy around the event with no fingers pointed. 4
coolheadal Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 We were drinking a lot of wine... so there's that That doesn't make much sense, all the wine will do let you head for the john. LOL Then you should have told her you had too much wine to drink. Sex wasn't going to be good with so much wine in you should have told you can't handle it. Now look at it..
Author billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 So you say we were drinking a lot of wine.... I draw attention the following... In men, most of us are aware that alcohol can cause difficulties in allowing them to stand to attention, but in women, it can cause a reduction in their ability to easily accept a man when he has. It can also cause less intense outcomes. Ive censored the above but I'm sure you get the picture. So to summarize, both of you are equally sharing in responsibility for the average sex, but the real red flag is that she only blamed you. This strongly suggests a large ego presence exists that was trying to protect itself, and in your case, you were ready to apologize for something that was both of your responsibility. Both are equally potential problems for any relationship. A relationship of any kind that was more present, would have had an entirely different outcome. There would have been a mutual acknowledgement of the alcohol and responsibility of the average sex, or it would have simply been postponed for a time where no alcohol would have been involved. Either way, with a presence that dissolved the reactive ego, there would have been a mutual understanding and intimacy around the event with no fingers pointed. That's actually a great answer. Thank you
Author billroman Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 That doesn't make much sense, all the wine will do let you head for the john. LOL Then you should have told her you had too much wine to drink. Sex wasn't going to be good with so much wine in you should have told you can't handle it. Now look at it.. Mostly I'm just disappointed it hasn't gone well in this area
CloudyHead Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Not all sex is mind blowing out the gate. In my opinion, sex gets better with time as you get to know each other's likes, dislikes, etc. I think she handle the situation selfishly and immaturely. I agree with the others that she will probably criticize you about other issues in the future. 2
rushed Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 The big problem is though is we've already slept together a few times and it hasn't got well at all and last night she called me out on it(in a kind way) Any advice from a ladies perspective? There is a huge difference between saying, "Dude, you suck in bed," and "Babe, you seem to have an issue staying up. What's up?" Without details from you it's hard to give you any good advice. What is the actual issue? Or did she just say she wasn't satisfied in general?
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