Getting Over the Crush that Crushed Me (Suggestions for Becoming a Better Person)

[JJ1088]

So, I had a crush that I felt rather intimate with as we have been pretty close for over two years. We flirted, knew everything about each other, seemed to be heading towards a relationship (neither of us have ever had one), I told her I liked her and she initially seemed thrilled and wanted to go to see a movie with me, but before we even went out she backed off and wanted only friendship. I accepted because I liked her as a person and then the next day she said she could not maintain a friendship with another male because it would be unfair to her future husband when she meets him one day. I was puzzled and called her out and said that I thought something was wrong and I would not judge if she had an underlying problem with me (I have female friends, but they were actually coaching me to help get her, but I think jealousy could have been an issue). The next day, I wrote a letter saying I accept her position and that I would no longer be around and that I would pull myself from her social media accounts so she could have her privacy without worrying about me and I wished her luck and said if she ever wants to get in touch she knows where I am. Part of my felt like it was a test, but I decided that if it was, she would come around on her own and that my hopes should not be kept up. I sent a post out on some of my networks saying that I would be deactivating my accounts at midnight so I could focus on job related issues, but before I could even deactivate my accounts, I notice her log on and then deactivate hers before I could deactivate my own. I still deactivated and went no contact to get her off of my mind.

 

A week into no contact, I found a social media profile that I left open and I decided to unfollow her account because I got nosy, broke NC by viewing it, noticed she ever posted on it, and I felt like maybe I was the cause of it. I posted some photos of me with friends at a wedding and thought nothing of it. Within an hour, I noticed that she immediately unfollowed me on some professional websites and blocked me on another (my friend told me her account was still active and that she has been a wreck, angry with me for some reason, and closed off since she said I did not want to even be friends). I reacted to this by not blocking her, but instead trying to act as if it did not bother me.

 

I am on Week 4 of NC (Week 3 if you reset after my slip up), but she is still in the back of my mind and memories trigger whenever I see certain shows on tv or read certain stories on the computer. She is actually a very sweet person, so I have no anger towards her, but I feel bad that she seems to have more problems than me and I am puzzled as to why she changed so suddenly.

 

Now, I am working on self-improvement to get my mind off of all of this and to be a better person should anyone else come around. I have talked to a few women, but I am not dating because my crush is still in the back of my mind and it is not fair to any new women if I have that baggage. I have been watching a lot of military movies to reinforce bro-love, hanging out with friends, took a new job, I started listening to Jocko Willink's podcast, I'm annotating the Bible, working out, and started reading some of the Art of War (odd combo). I even did an "autopsy" of myself to identify weaknesses in myself. My biggest deficiencies seem to be the Alpha male image, mental toughness, fashion sense, and my overall masculinity needs to improve.

 

Are there any activities or hobbies that you can recommend for improving my deficiencies and might be sexy to other women? Any personal stories on how you improved yourselves after a similar situation? I hope that I can practice these activities to improve and become indifferent regarding her (Yes, I admit I would be open to her again, but not until I can get myself to a point where if she left, I could be indifferent, yet I think there is no hope she talks to me). Any suggested reading or podcasts regarding these deficiencies that anyone can recommend? Does anyone recommend any physical improvements to try and make me feel and project a more "tough guy"-like image? I have been using Chris Kyle as an example to improve my manliness. I am open to all input no matter how harsh.

 

Oh, and I know I should not dwell on this, I really shouldn't, but I am just so curious, can anyone guess as to why she may be mad at me? I feel like I missed something.

Edited June 19, 2017 by JJ1088

[Marc878]

First of all when she nixed the friendship why did you waste your time writing a letter? You should have just blocked her on everything without another word bring said. I suspect you were hoping she'd have a change of heart?

 

A straight up guy doesn't talk he just does.

 

Sometimes you have to be carful what you ask for you just might get it. She's got heartburn because you gave her exactly what she said she wanted. The good thing is you didn't plead and chase her. Nice job on that.

 

Stay dark and never look back at this. She's not worth your time and she'll quickly fade from your memory.

 

Seems like an oddball anyway

[JJ1088]

I was kinda hoping that I would get some feedback because of how odd everything went down from her. I mean, I would've liked her to bite my head off over something so I know why she changed so quickly. The letter was actually an email, I should've clarified that, but I see what you are saying. I did not do myself any justice by disclosing it. In hindsight, maybe I should've blocked her, but I felt that if I did it would have given her the pleasure of showing her that she has gotten herself into my head or something.

Edited June 19, 2017 by JJ1088

[Ronnys93]

I was kinda hoping that I would get some feedback because of how odd everything went down from her. I mean, I would've liked her to bite my head off over something so I know why she changed so quickly. The letter was actually an email, I should've clarified that, but I see what you are saying. I did not do myself any justice by disclosing it. In hindsight, maybe I should've blocked her, but I felt that if I did it would have given her the pleasure of showing her that she has gotten herself into my head or something.

 

I think it was more so that she realized she couldn't have a relationship with YOU without sabotaging the friendship and making it awkward. She probably sensed how much you liked her and knew it wouldn't work. That's the only thing I can think of. Two years is a pretty nice size time to be connected to a friend and if you mix romantic feelings in that it could get messy. She was protecting herself. Don't overthink it.